DOI issue:
July 25, 1868
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0049
July 25, 1868.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
41
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, July 14th. These Railways give a great deal of trouble.
Perhaps more than they are worth. Let us go back to the old Coach-
system. Parliament was never bothered about the Coaches. There
would be many advantages in this retrogression. People travel a great
deal too much, instead of staying at home minding their business and
saving their money. Women are always wanting to go somewhere.
Polks keep two residences, and spend half their time hi unprofitably
running from one to another. There are many other evils connected
with Railroads, only it is too hot to think and remember. Rut it is
clear that the system is a failure. Lord Taunton to-day proposed a
resolution that no Railway Rill, containing power to raise fares, should
: be read a second time before a special report from the Roard of Trade
j that such increase was just and necessary. Lord Redesdale thought
: that all Railways ought to be kept to their bargain with the public, and
he entirely objected to being guided by the Roard of Trade, which was
notoriously under Railway influence. Lord Salisbury (a chairman of
j a company) thought the Railways ought to be treated generously.
I We should particularly like to know why. Certainly not because they
show any generosity. A Company has as much human feeling as one of
its own buffers. Some row was made in defence of the Roard of Trade;
, and Lord Taunton (he used to be Mr. Labouciiere) carried his
motion. _ It will not do much good, but it is well to show what the
! Lords think of the Companies.
Mother Church was then finally destroyed for ever. At least, as
i much was done to that end as can be effected by the passing of the Bill
j for the Abolition of Church Rates. The Lords mended the measure,
and assented to it. YV e have not heard of the fall of any churches in
consequence, but when such catastrophes happen. Punch promises to
record them. Nevertheless, it is a fearful sign of the tunes, and if it
was not too hot to care about anything except iced drinks, we would
] be terribly emphatic on the subject. When it is cooler, we will be
hotter. Meantime, Mother Church must do us the favour to believe
j that we are awfully what-does-she-call-it about this proof that the
House of Lords is atheistic, and that all religion is done away with in
England.
N aval debates in the Commons, and it was clearly shown by the
Enemies of the Admiralty that all our ships are good for nothing.
Pirst Lord ill, so Lord Henry Lennon had to defend the Admiralty,
and we honour his pluck, for he was so gouty that he had to speak with
i his knee on a stool. He promised two turret-ships as soon as possible,
and more when tbe best designs could be obtained. We went into
: supply, and supplied a great lot of naval money. It was very hot—we
j mean the night; though the money might have been hot also, to the
burning of lingers, to see the readiness with which it was dropped.
Tuesday. The Conservatives had intended to throw out the Rill for
letting Excisemen have votes, but Mr. Disraeli had ordered his col-
j leagues to change their minds, and the Lord Chancellor ably advo-
cated a Rill winch his associates in the Ministry had resisted in the
Commons. These little spectacles of consistency are now so common
that they cease—especially in this hot weather—to excite a smile. The
Exciseman is to have a vote, and we hope that he will make no mistake
in the exciseman of an election, but give his vote like a calm gauger.
If not, we shall sing, with Rurns,
“ We ’ll mak’ our maut, we ’ll brew our drink,
We ’ll dance, and sing, and rejoice, man,
And mony braw thanks to the muckle black deil
That danced awa’ wi’ the Exciseman.”
The Commons, in Committee, discussed the Rribery Rill, and there
was a good deal of cavil at many of the clauses. Among other things
it was proposed that Messrs. Gurney, the short-hand writers to the
| House, should not have the monopoly of taking official notes on election
trials. Mr. Gladstone emitted a great eulogy on the incomparable
! way in which their work is done. No doubt they do it very well, but
there are scores of gentlemen in the gallery who can do it equally well.
The newspaper reports on an important night, when the crack steno-
: graphers go to the front, deserve quite as much praise from Mr. Glad-
stone. Resides, any machine of a man can take verbatim reports.
The high class reporter is seen hi the reports in which all is condensed,
and nothing worth note is omitted. No disparagement to Messrs.
Gurney, whose house has been famous since its representative, accord-
ing to Lord Eyron, went to Madrid to take down the divorce pro-
| ceedings in Alphonso v. Inez and Another. YV e wonder whether it is
; as hot m Madrid as in London.
The Rill proposes to exclude a briber from Parliament for seven years.
This Mr. Powell declared to be a horrible punishment, taking from
a man all that was worth living for. We honour his affection for the
House of Commons, which no doubt returns it, but we tiiink that there
are one or two other tilings worth living for besides the honour of
sitting in the same assembly with Mr. Powell. As has been well
asked, does nobody in the world except the 058 live for any worthy
purpose? In the course of the debate, Mr. Clay, as is common with
him, said a wise thing. He could see no difference between bribery by
an agent and bribery with one’s own hands. Yet we can. The former
is the worse offence, as it makes three rascals instead of only two. A
tremendous majority, notwithstanding the hot weather, remained to 1
support the horrible punishment, which was enacted by 197 to 20.
Tilis looks like earnest.
Mr. Childers showed that the Civil Service costs us about Twelve
Millions and a half a year, and is not done particularly well, either.
Ry the way, an odd result has arisen from our desire to have clever
men. We get them too clever. They pass examinations, and then
consider themselves superior to the work for which they have been
struggling. It is, however, only fair and just to the Civil Service to
say that though we have frequently been brought in contact with its
members, for official purposes, we never witnessed any particular supe-
riority of intellect. If the weather were not so hot, we would enumerate
a series of anecdotes illustrating this, but it shall suffice to say that
having, the other day, desired a Treasury clerk to make a champagne
cup, he came humbly up to us to know whether he should put in any
curapoa.
On Secret Service Money, Alderman Lusk, who aims at being a
successor of the late Mr. W. Williams, and is, in the fact that he
comes a long way after him, wanted to know the use of Secret Service
when everything is published in the papers. It is too hot to be witty,
and we content ourselves with a hope that one thing will not be pub-
lished in the papers, namely, Alderman Lusk’s re-election for Fins-
bury. YY’e would introduce a compliment to his excellent colleague by
instituting a contrast, only his name reminds us of torrid, and that is not
an idea to be invited.
IVzdnesday. The Rill for interfering with the sale of poisons was dis-
cussed in Committee. Lord Robert Montagu ivished to be bound by
the suggestions of a farmer whom he named, but we don’t see why this
Farmer Sutical, or any other farmer, should dictate. There are some
good things in the Rill, and when it has passed we will get the Professor
whom w;e keep on the premises to analyse it, and report for the warning
of chemical and druggical men, which reminds us that, this hot weather,
the chemist with his cool bottle of soda-water fresh from his damp vaults
below is a sort of angel. Rut—
“ 0 for a draught of vintage, that hath been
Cooled a long age in the deep delved earth ! ”
Thursday. The Lords held important discussion upon the endeavour
on the part of the Government authorities to make the proceedings of
Sir Henry Storks of none effect. The Duke oe Cambridge spoke
out manfully for his gallant friend Sir Henry', and hoped that he
would be allowed to complete all that he wished to do. The same sub-
ject ivas raised in the Commons, and Silt John Pakington was very
bumptious, but quite unable to remove the impression that theYVar
Office was divided, and that some superior power was hindering
reform. We shall get at it all in time. The Lords then went away,
like gentlemen, at thirteen minutes to 8, just in time to dress for
dinner.
Rut we shudder to say that the Commons kept the Speaker in Ids
chair, this hot weather, for fourteen hours and a half—that is, till 3 in
the morning. YVe have no heart to dwell on the details, beyond saying,
with approbation, that Mr. Disraeli declared that he would not advise
the Queen to prorogue until the Bribery Bill should be late. YVell said.
Sir. The chief talk was of bullocks.
Friday. Dear Lord Redesdale, this Coronation Oath gives you !
much trouble. You are a good Lord, and Punch will try to make it
easy for you. Suppose that, in exchange for the great glory and com-
fort of your being allowed to sit at the head of the table, when Punch’s
Council meets, he made you take a tremendous oath, by Thor, Odin, j
and Frigga, that the current volume of his work should always he j
upon your dressing-table. Suppose that your housemaid objected that
the book was much in the way of your combs and brushes and. Macassar
oil. You are bound to leave the book in its place. Rut Avould it not
be competent to Mr. Punch to say, “ Nevermind the old oath, Reddy', i
1 know you honour the book—put it on the bookshelf.” YVouldyou
be breaking your vow in dohig so ? Come, use the sense you apply to
railway matters, and take a cool drink.
The Commons declined to pay the judges £500 a year more for sitting
in Rribery. And in the debate Mr. Disraeli said that the Lords
used to have power to tax themselves, though they are now taxed by
the Commons. Mr. Gladstone said that nothing but the ivhole
iveight of Mr. Disraeli’s authority could make him believe that. Mr.
Punch cannot understand Mr. Gladstone’s demurrer. Did not both
Houses sit together ? Vide Coke. And as for the Rishops, did not
Convocation tux itself, that is, the clergy? Mr. Disraeli knows
history.
Mr. Flashman, of Dover, petitions that Palestine may be restored
to the Jews. Rut, to say notiimg of Palestine not being Parliament’s
to give away (a triffe to a religious reformer) the session is too far
advanced and too hot for the Restoration to be managed this year.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
41
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, July 14th. These Railways give a great deal of trouble.
Perhaps more than they are worth. Let us go back to the old Coach-
system. Parliament was never bothered about the Coaches. There
would be many advantages in this retrogression. People travel a great
deal too much, instead of staying at home minding their business and
saving their money. Women are always wanting to go somewhere.
Polks keep two residences, and spend half their time hi unprofitably
running from one to another. There are many other evils connected
with Railroads, only it is too hot to think and remember. Rut it is
clear that the system is a failure. Lord Taunton to-day proposed a
resolution that no Railway Rill, containing power to raise fares, should
: be read a second time before a special report from the Roard of Trade
j that such increase was just and necessary. Lord Redesdale thought
: that all Railways ought to be kept to their bargain with the public, and
he entirely objected to being guided by the Roard of Trade, which was
notoriously under Railway influence. Lord Salisbury (a chairman of
j a company) thought the Railways ought to be treated generously.
I We should particularly like to know why. Certainly not because they
show any generosity. A Company has as much human feeling as one of
its own buffers. Some row was made in defence of the Roard of Trade;
, and Lord Taunton (he used to be Mr. Labouciiere) carried his
motion. _ It will not do much good, but it is well to show what the
! Lords think of the Companies.
Mother Church was then finally destroyed for ever. At least, as
i much was done to that end as can be effected by the passing of the Bill
j for the Abolition of Church Rates. The Lords mended the measure,
and assented to it. YV e have not heard of the fall of any churches in
consequence, but when such catastrophes happen. Punch promises to
record them. Nevertheless, it is a fearful sign of the tunes, and if it
was not too hot to care about anything except iced drinks, we would
] be terribly emphatic on the subject. When it is cooler, we will be
hotter. Meantime, Mother Church must do us the favour to believe
j that we are awfully what-does-she-call-it about this proof that the
House of Lords is atheistic, and that all religion is done away with in
England.
N aval debates in the Commons, and it was clearly shown by the
Enemies of the Admiralty that all our ships are good for nothing.
Pirst Lord ill, so Lord Henry Lennon had to defend the Admiralty,
and we honour his pluck, for he was so gouty that he had to speak with
i his knee on a stool. He promised two turret-ships as soon as possible,
and more when tbe best designs could be obtained. We went into
: supply, and supplied a great lot of naval money. It was very hot—we
j mean the night; though the money might have been hot also, to the
burning of lingers, to see the readiness with which it was dropped.
Tuesday. The Conservatives had intended to throw out the Rill for
letting Excisemen have votes, but Mr. Disraeli had ordered his col-
j leagues to change their minds, and the Lord Chancellor ably advo-
cated a Rill winch his associates in the Ministry had resisted in the
Commons. These little spectacles of consistency are now so common
that they cease—especially in this hot weather—to excite a smile. The
Exciseman is to have a vote, and we hope that he will make no mistake
in the exciseman of an election, but give his vote like a calm gauger.
If not, we shall sing, with Rurns,
“ We ’ll mak’ our maut, we ’ll brew our drink,
We ’ll dance, and sing, and rejoice, man,
And mony braw thanks to the muckle black deil
That danced awa’ wi’ the Exciseman.”
The Commons, in Committee, discussed the Rribery Rill, and there
was a good deal of cavil at many of the clauses. Among other things
it was proposed that Messrs. Gurney, the short-hand writers to the
| House, should not have the monopoly of taking official notes on election
trials. Mr. Gladstone emitted a great eulogy on the incomparable
! way in which their work is done. No doubt they do it very well, but
there are scores of gentlemen in the gallery who can do it equally well.
The newspaper reports on an important night, when the crack steno-
: graphers go to the front, deserve quite as much praise from Mr. Glad-
stone. Resides, any machine of a man can take verbatim reports.
The high class reporter is seen hi the reports in which all is condensed,
and nothing worth note is omitted. No disparagement to Messrs.
Gurney, whose house has been famous since its representative, accord-
ing to Lord Eyron, went to Madrid to take down the divorce pro-
| ceedings in Alphonso v. Inez and Another. YV e wonder whether it is
; as hot m Madrid as in London.
The Rill proposes to exclude a briber from Parliament for seven years.
This Mr. Powell declared to be a horrible punishment, taking from
a man all that was worth living for. We honour his affection for the
House of Commons, which no doubt returns it, but we tiiink that there
are one or two other tilings worth living for besides the honour of
sitting in the same assembly with Mr. Powell. As has been well
asked, does nobody in the world except the 058 live for any worthy
purpose? In the course of the debate, Mr. Clay, as is common with
him, said a wise thing. He could see no difference between bribery by
an agent and bribery with one’s own hands. Yet we can. The former
is the worse offence, as it makes three rascals instead of only two. A
tremendous majority, notwithstanding the hot weather, remained to 1
support the horrible punishment, which was enacted by 197 to 20.
Tilis looks like earnest.
Mr. Childers showed that the Civil Service costs us about Twelve
Millions and a half a year, and is not done particularly well, either.
Ry the way, an odd result has arisen from our desire to have clever
men. We get them too clever. They pass examinations, and then
consider themselves superior to the work for which they have been
struggling. It is, however, only fair and just to the Civil Service to
say that though we have frequently been brought in contact with its
members, for official purposes, we never witnessed any particular supe-
riority of intellect. If the weather were not so hot, we would enumerate
a series of anecdotes illustrating this, but it shall suffice to say that
having, the other day, desired a Treasury clerk to make a champagne
cup, he came humbly up to us to know whether he should put in any
curapoa.
On Secret Service Money, Alderman Lusk, who aims at being a
successor of the late Mr. W. Williams, and is, in the fact that he
comes a long way after him, wanted to know the use of Secret Service
when everything is published in the papers. It is too hot to be witty,
and we content ourselves with a hope that one thing will not be pub-
lished in the papers, namely, Alderman Lusk’s re-election for Fins-
bury. YY’e would introduce a compliment to his excellent colleague by
instituting a contrast, only his name reminds us of torrid, and that is not
an idea to be invited.
IVzdnesday. The Rill for interfering with the sale of poisons was dis-
cussed in Committee. Lord Robert Montagu ivished to be bound by
the suggestions of a farmer whom he named, but we don’t see why this
Farmer Sutical, or any other farmer, should dictate. There are some
good things in the Rill, and when it has passed we will get the Professor
whom w;e keep on the premises to analyse it, and report for the warning
of chemical and druggical men, which reminds us that, this hot weather,
the chemist with his cool bottle of soda-water fresh from his damp vaults
below is a sort of angel. Rut—
“ 0 for a draught of vintage, that hath been
Cooled a long age in the deep delved earth ! ”
Thursday. The Lords held important discussion upon the endeavour
on the part of the Government authorities to make the proceedings of
Sir Henry Storks of none effect. The Duke oe Cambridge spoke
out manfully for his gallant friend Sir Henry', and hoped that he
would be allowed to complete all that he wished to do. The same sub-
ject ivas raised in the Commons, and Silt John Pakington was very
bumptious, but quite unable to remove the impression that theYVar
Office was divided, and that some superior power was hindering
reform. We shall get at it all in time. The Lords then went away,
like gentlemen, at thirteen minutes to 8, just in time to dress for
dinner.
Rut we shudder to say that the Commons kept the Speaker in Ids
chair, this hot weather, for fourteen hours and a half—that is, till 3 in
the morning. YVe have no heart to dwell on the details, beyond saying,
with approbation, that Mr. Disraeli declared that he would not advise
the Queen to prorogue until the Bribery Bill should be late. YVell said.
Sir. The chief talk was of bullocks.
Friday. Dear Lord Redesdale, this Coronation Oath gives you !
much trouble. You are a good Lord, and Punch will try to make it
easy for you. Suppose that, in exchange for the great glory and com-
fort of your being allowed to sit at the head of the table, when Punch’s
Council meets, he made you take a tremendous oath, by Thor, Odin, j
and Frigga, that the current volume of his work should always he j
upon your dressing-table. Suppose that your housemaid objected that
the book was much in the way of your combs and brushes and. Macassar
oil. You are bound to leave the book in its place. Rut Avould it not
be competent to Mr. Punch to say, “ Nevermind the old oath, Reddy', i
1 know you honour the book—put it on the bookshelf.” YVouldyou
be breaking your vow in dohig so ? Come, use the sense you apply to
railway matters, and take a cool drink.
The Commons declined to pay the judges £500 a year more for sitting
in Rribery. And in the debate Mr. Disraeli said that the Lords
used to have power to tax themselves, though they are now taxed by
the Commons. Mr. Gladstone said that nothing but the ivhole
iveight of Mr. Disraeli’s authority could make him believe that. Mr.
Punch cannot understand Mr. Gladstone’s demurrer. Did not both
Houses sit together ? Vide Coke. And as for the Rishops, did not
Convocation tux itself, that is, the clergy? Mr. Disraeli knows
history.
Mr. Flashman, of Dover, petitions that Palestine may be restored
to the Jews. Rut, to say notiimg of Palestine not being Parliament’s
to give away (a triffe to a religious reformer) the session is too far
advanced and too hot for the Restoration to be managed this year.