Punch (55.1868)

December 5, 1868.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

235

THRIFT.

Peebles Body (to Townsman who was supposed to be in London on a visit). “ E— eh,
Mac ! ye ’re sune Hame again ! ”

Mac. “ E—eh, it's jest a ruinoes Place, that! Men, a hae na’ been

THE-ERRE ABONE TWA HOOURS WHEN—BA NG—-WENT SAXPEXCE / / / ”

A CONSOLATION PARAGRAPH.

The Tories have gained several signal victories in
Lancashire. People ask how this is, Lancashire and
Liberalism being supposed to have other links than the
only one which sensible men say connects Modesty and
Merit—the initial. The answer which is given is that

the Lancashire men know the Irish Catholics well, and
don’t like them, and won’t support candidates who are
friendly to their interests. That has something to do with
it. But Mr. Punch guesses at another reason. The fact
is that the Irish girls are so lovely, that the Lancashire
Witches are jealous of the rivalry. Lancashire men
are always running over and losing their hearts in Ire
land. Therefore, the witch influence has been po.werfuliy
exerted, and the Liberal candidates in Lancashire have
really been sacrificed at the shrine of English beauty. It
this does not console them, nothing can; and Mr. Punch,
ever ready with balm and oil, thus picks them up, and
blows a slightly reproachful kiss to the beauties of Lanca-
shire.

HOW SOLD BREAD.

Mr. Arnold gave his decision the other day that “ Cot-
tage loaves ” were “ Pancy Bread,” and were not amenable
to the laws which regulate the sale of the ordinary “ staff
of life.”

“ Oh tell me what is ‘ Fancy Bread ’ ? ”

The public unto Arnold said.

“ Should it be weighed like tea or lead? ”

“ No,” worthy Arnold deci-ded.

“ If you get cottage loaves instead
Of that on which you should be fed,

And will new-fangled food paths tread.

Not those your fathers foliow-ed.

You must put up with being bled,

If you will fancy Fancy Bread.”

“ Haussez les Mains, Messieurs!”

We read in the papers the announcement that “ the-
House of Commons and its approaches have been thoroughly
cleansed.” Punch hopes this is true — particularly the
approaches—as, from some stories he has heard of the
Elections, he finds a difficulty in believing it. He can only
hope that honourable Members will all show clean hands
on meeting in their clean house.

av

ch

FINLEN’S ALLOWANCE.

xkT rascaldom’s demonstration in Hyde Park
Mr. Finlen is reported to have expressed himself in a speech chiefly
characterised by abominable words ; but containing a declaration which
many respectable people will be glad to hear :—

“ He declared that he had been .kicked that day by the police because he
was the ‘only prominent public man’ who dared to stand up in defence of
Fenianism.”

It is only to be hoped that in making this statement Mr. Finlen
spoke the truth. Not that it is desirable that Mr. Finlen should have
been kicked by the police for his advocacy of treason. The police
have no right to take the law into their own feet in dealing with even
such a subject. as Mr. Finlen. It may be the opinion of some that a
law which subjected him to being kicked would have been a wholesome
law; but his mere advocacy of Fenianism is better treated with simple
contempt. Of itself it is not of^ sufficient consequence to require so
much as the notice of a. kick. No kick can be administered without
giving pain and humanity forbids the infliction of unnecessary pain
even on a Finlen. Necessary pain is another thing. Mr. Finlen
tried to collect a mob on Clerkenwell Green. He was compelled to
move on. Perhaps he had to be kicked to make him move on. The
police were then under the necessity of kicking him. He endured the
necessary pain of necessary kicks. This is probably the true account
of the fact that he was kicked by the police, and, if so, that fact is
eminently satisfactory. The police only did their duty in kicking
Mr. Finlen. Let us hope that they will never have occasion to do
it again, but will do it' again if, and whenever, they have. All
that Mr. Finlen . has to do is to be careful to move on when he
is told by the police, instead of waiting to be kicked. Under
the ignominy of which he has proclaimed himself the victim at the
feet ot the police, he had better, in the meanwhile, sit down as well as
he can.

WASON v. WALTER.

YYe never thought to have to mention Rigby Wason’s name again..
But it must descend to posterity, and thus we place it on the groove
for immortality. He has been the cause of a final and solemn decision,
by the Queen’s Bench, that the Public has a right to reports of Par-
liamentary proceedings, and that a journal publishing faithful reports
is not to be liable to an action by anybody touching whom Parliament
men may have said what he does not like. “ Wason v. Walter” will
be the case to squash any such attempt. But all the gratilude we can
find in our hearts is to Mr. Walter, M.P. for Berkshire, the Defender
of Right; and, as he will have sundry costs to pay, it would be but a
graceful thing if all the readers of Parliamentary Debates were to raise
a fund to pay them for him. Of course, he would hand the money to
some charity, and thus two good things would be done. W e could
indicate the most appropriate receptacle for such charity, under the
circumstances; but this might offend Mr. M ason.

Another Clerical Caper.

The unlucky parson who wants to be set up as an Opposition prelate
to Dr. Colenso, Lord Bishop of Natal, has been induced, it is said,
by a recent promotion, to believe that he has no chance of getting
qualified here, so he takes himself off to the Cape. A vovage that way
improves certain wine, but we never heard that it would do any good
to small beer. The Natalians will decline to have anything to do with
him—they are merry colonists, and cut Capers.

ERA NK.

At the first meeting of the Reform League after the fatal election
day, Mr. Beales stated that he should have been elected if it- had not
been for the police, who hindered his friends. This is not unlikely.