Punch (55.1868)

October 10, 1868.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

147

“ EXCHANGE IS NO ROBBERY.”

Mistress (who will he constantly in the kitchen). “Why, Cook, I’ve looked
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU DOWNSTAIRS. HOW DARE YOU BE SITTING THERE?”
Cook. “ Well, you see, Mum, as you prefers a taking my Place in the
Kitchen, I 'ye taken yours ’ere.”

TOO MUCH CLARET.

Concerning the poor ex-QuEEN of Spain, the Times truly remarks :—

“ She is a fugitive in a country where one of her own subjects reigns : one whom a fort-
night ago she might have met on equal terms.”

Yes. The sometime subject of Isabella the Second does reign. Does she not
also govern ? Is that not the reason why French troops occupy Rome? Would the
Elect of the French People prevent the Roman People from electing their own Sove-
reign if he were not himself under petticoat government ? In a sense, to be sure,
it may be denied that he is under the government so called. We know what
garments Isabella, the other day, expressed a wish to wear. It may be said
that Isabella’s subject, that was, has renounced crinoline, and actually does wear
the garments which Isabella named. Do we not know that she. has set ladies
the fashion of wearing Hessian boots ? Considering boots as Hessian boots, one
naturally associates boots with nether garments other than petticoats. When the
wife wears those other garments, of course the husband is not under petticoat
government. No : he is under a government which ought to be petticoat, but
isn’t. What, however, if in that case, she herself is under a government of
petticoats, that is to say, a government of priests? What if a great nation is
governed by its Elect, and he is governed by nis consort, and she by the Jesuits
and Ultramontane clergy ? This, perhaps. Isabella the Second is now an
awful example to Continental Sovereigns. She is suffering from the conse-
quences of too much Claret. The same kind of excess—not in Lafitte, look
you, or Chateau Margaux—in France may affect another in the same way.
There is a lady, once Isabella’s subject, whom, as the Times_ says, a fortnight ago
she might have met on equal terms. If French policy continues to be swayed by
Ultramontane dictation, who knows but that Ex-Queen Isabella and that other
lady with her husband, may very shortly meet on equal terms once more ?

THE MAIDSERVANT'S NIGHTMARE.

0, Mary, I’ve ’ad sitch a dream,

I feel I don’t know ’ow.

I’m sure you must ’ave ’eard me scream
Wen I awoke just now.

I dreamt I married that young man
Wot conies ’ere arter me.

And sure as hever my name’s Ann
A wision ’twas I see.

I thought we ’ad a little flat,

’Twas in a new-built ’ouse
No room, scarce, for to swing a cat,

Or her to catch a mouse.

With bed, the furnitur was all
A table and a chair,

One small framed priut upon the wall;

The floor was ’oly bare.

There lay’d a baby on that bed,

Like them tramps takes and begs,

Thing like a frog, with great big ’ead,

And little arms and legs.

And this was in a subbub, which
Who lives in leads short lives,

Wherein the pawnbroker grows rich,

And undertakers thrives.

There little funerals is a sight
As every day you meet,

With palls and ’atbands black and white.
Afoot, along the street.

Cheap shoe-and-boot-shops strikes the eye,
Small grocers, and low tea ;

And every third ’ouse, pretty nigh,

A public seems to be.

A mendin’ of my ’usband’s clothes
It seem as I had bin.

The door flew open, and, I s’posc,

I sor ’ini stagger in.

Down on the bed his self he flung,

As surly as a bear,

1 spoke, wen he cried, “ Hold yer tongue! ”
Then ’gan to cuss and swear.

Quite like a madman he be’aved:

I ’low’d ’im to go on,

Sat quiet wile ’e stormed and raved.

And waited till ’e’d done.

And then I, tryin’ to appear
As pleasant as I might,

Said, “William, where’s the wages, dear,
As you was paid to-night.

And then he up—and oh, of all
The looks I ever see !

That face—I don’t know what to call—

Them eyes as glared on me !

He clinched his fist, his hand he raised,

And down as come the blow,

Good gracious Evins, which be praised,

I woke a cryin’ “ Oh! ”

’Ot suppers, possible, it may
’Ave bin, disturbed my rest.

Rump steaks and inions sometimes lay
Too ’evvy on the chest.

However, from my dream I ’ll take
A warnin’ all the same;

And, only for a ’usband’s sake,

Mind ’ow I change my name.

Catch me, now seein’ wot’s the case
Wen want with marriage comes.

Leavin’ a comfortable place
For lodgins in the slums !

Well settled in well-paid employ.

Or in a bisnis way,

Get first; till then no, no, my boy :

Where I’m well off I ’ll stay.

TEMPESTUOUS.

A short time ago the papers had articles about “Spain and the Tornado.”
Such a heading would be particularly appropriate now when the storm has burst.

How to Prevent a Conspiracy from Leaking out.
—Let the plot thicken.