Punch (55.1868)

November 7, 1868.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

191

TWO SIDES TO A QUESTION.

Squire. “ Your Name Smith ? ”

Smith. “ Yesstr. ”

Squire. “Ah, I understand you’re the Man who gives so much Trouble
to my Keepers ! ”

Smith. “ Ax yer Pardon, Squire, youp. Keepers is much more Trouble
to me ! ”

A VOLUNTEER POLICE WANTED.

Constables, form, form,” might be the first line of a song by which Mr.
Tennyson will perhaps do London the service of creating a Volunteer Police.
Under the orders of Sir Richard Mayne, the Metropolitan Policemen are
employed in taking dogs into custody, and seizing hoops, instead of looking
after thieves and apprehending footpads. As appears from the letter of “E.”
In the Times, not one Police-officer can be spared at Scotland Yard to watch a
house which it is known that burglars intend to break into. The regular Police-
men have as much work as they can do in the service of catching curs and
(mongrels, and hoop-hunting, assigned to them by their Chief. Literally, the Police
has gone to the dogs. Roughs and footpads range the streets, committing outrages
‘unmolested, enjoying a system of strict non-intervention. Society is in a state of
(absolute invasion.

There are many spirited young men, possessed of wealth, but not provided with
work, who do that of coachmen, for want of better. They are driven by idleness
to drive four-in-hand. Some pop their time away in pigeon-shooting, others kill
It at billiards, and by various other unproductive amusements. The practical
•duties of Policemen would afford them ample pastime with the advantage of excite-
ment, attended by the new and pleasurable feeling of conscious utility rewarded
by the thanks of Business and the smiles of Beauty, in the balcony as well as at
the area. Constables, therefore, form, form ; that is to say, Swells, get sworn in as
special constables, and organise yourselves into divisions. Grasp your truncheons ;
go forth on your beats ; and arrest the street robbers whilst the paid protectors of
the public and preservers of the peace are occupied, by command of Sir Ricuard
Mayne, in the capture of canine vagabonds, and a crusade against children.

TIIE PROPER JUDGE.

i An arrangement has been made for all cases arising out of the new dog-code to
be tried by Mr. Commissioner Kerr.

COX TOR TINSBURY!

“ Mr. Cox is again coming forward for Finsbury.”—Election.
Intelligence.

Let Finsbury, now on her trial.

Cry, “ Cox et Prceterea Nihil.”

Or, in his own style to put it,

“ Sing out c Cox/ aud nothing but it.”

Punch awaits, and England too,

Cox his cock-a-doodle-doo—•

Shrilly and sonorous song.

Silent in the House too long !

Why so loud and oft is rung

Ayrton, of the Hamlets’ tongue F

Why should Lockes of Southwark creak ?

Why should Rats of Lambeth squeak?

Chaff and flower of speech, at will
Why should grind Westminster’s Mill ?

Who are your Mac-cullaghs, Hugheses,
Chamberses and Harvey Lewises,

Cox and Cox’s like, to wallop us.

As M.P.’s for the Great Metrolopus ?

Who asks Finsbury’s sweet voxes ?

Punch’s game-cock of all Coxes :

Lack of whom the flavour lessens

Of his “ Parliamentary Essence

Cox, whose light makes day more sunny;

Cox, whose fun makes Punch more funny ;

Cox, whose wisdom, strained through Punch,
Beats all Gotham in a bunch!

Forth then, Finsbury, use thy powers
To bring back thy Cox and ours.

Since he left it, dull as lead,

The House, for Punch, hath lacked its head.

Geese are written on Rome’s scroll,

As birds that saved the Capitol,

And many Geese to Parliament
This our Capital hath sent,

And many Geese, till Geese have end,

This our Capital will send.

But Finsbury Rome’s lesson mocks,

And to all Geese prefers her Cox.

And back on him she well may fall—-
Her Cox, to whom all Geese are small,

In his protection proud to vest
Her Capital and interest!

Our Princeps Senatus he,

Punch’s favourite M.P.,

XXX of butts e’er sent
By Borough into Parliament.

Then up with him to the Box !

Finsbury is worthy Cox ;

And save Cox, find an M.P,

That worthy is of Finsbury!

Sweet Thing to Say.

Iron-grey middle-aged Gentleman (who has been for some
time using Leadbi tier’s Hair Restorer) to good-natured
Friend. Eh F I say, Scruggles, it seems to me that my
hair has lately got darker.

Scruggles. Very likely. Your hair seems to have got
darker, because your eyes have got dimmer.

inevitable.

People are very angry with the Member for Westminster
for taking upon him to issue certificates of character to can-
didates, right and left. He says he has a right to back up
his friends ; and, after all, if you go in for a Mill, you must
have a backer.

New Fashion.

See an advertisement thus headed and worded:—

“ "^/EGETABLE HAIR. Best quality. Wholesale price.”

Carrots, of course.

the schoolmaster (wanted) abroad.

The great want in Spain is education for the masses.
They have got their Prim ; but they still stand in grievous
need of their primer.