DOI Heft:
December 19, 1868
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0260
December 19, 1868.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVAPI.
257
CUTTING HIM SHORT.
Hair-Dresser. “ We cam Tghly Recommend this-—”
Grim Custo'mer. “ Your Commission’s about Twopence on that Rubbish, isn’t it ?”
Hair-Dresser {taken aback). “ Ye—Yes, Sir.”
Customer. “ Then Hold your Tongue, and Finish Cutting my Hair, and I ’ll see
if I ve got any Halfpence / / ”
EXPLOSIVE PROJECTILES LIMITED.
The Millennium may appear to many of the sincerest wishers for its advent to have been
postponed by the decision of the St. Petersburg Conference to forbear from the use of rifle-
shells in warfare. It may, with great reason, be argued that the more frightful and mur-
derous warlike weapons are made, the more destructive the means of destruction, the sooner
will war become so_ terrible that nations will shrink from incurring its horrors. _ There is
a good deal to be said why the Peace Society, instead of meeting, talking, and agitating for
the direct accomplishment of their object, should devote themselves to the encouragement,
by adequate prizes provided by subscription, of inventions such as Armstrong ana Whit-
worth guns, Moncrieff’s battery, Palliser’s chilled shot, and all manner of torpedoes and
naval or military infernal machines. Suppose, for instance, a joint-stock company (limited)
were established for the purpose of catching rattlesnakes, copper-heads, marsh-mocassins, pulf-
adders, cobras, and all other kinds of venomous snakes in the world, extracting their poison,
and enclosing it in swan-shot, with which bombs being tilled might scatter certain death,
killing everybody whom they so much as grazed. It might very plausibly, if not justly, be
maintained that the Peace Society would do one of the best things it could towards gaining
its end by promoting such an enterprise.
On the other side there is no denying that the idea of disusing a projectile because it
hurts dreadfully, is perhaps a step to the disuse of all projectiles used in war, and therefore
to the abolition of war. All projectiles hurt dreadfully when they smash bones or inflict
lacerated wounds. The wonders worked by the Chassepot, rifle at Mcuuna Hurt those on
whose limbs they were performed very dreadfully indeed. The St. PeteisDurg Conference
has decided that the pain given by shells under one pound’s weight is something too
horrid for humanity to permit. If sovereigns and peoples think a little further in this way,
they will possibly get in time to apprehend that the effects of a jagged lump of iron, or even
a smooth one, impinging on the shins with a certain velocity, or tearing up any sentient
region of the human frame, are not so much less horrid as to be allowable. Is it altogether
absurd to suppose that the time may come when
civilised mankind will think of smashing one
another in battle as an obsolete atrocity, even an
they now look back on breaking criminals on the
wheel ?
THE CHARGE OF THE BLACK
BRIGADE.
Freemasons5 Tavern, Tuesday, December S, 1868.
Half a day, half a day
Sped the clocks onward,
While in Freemasons’ Hall
Hoared the six hundred.*
Frantic, the Black Brigade !
“Charge for the Church! ” they said*:
In the Freemasons’ Hall
Boarea the six hundred.
F rantic, the Black Brigade !
Fearful the row they made !
Some day they ’ll know too well
How they have blundered :
Theirs not to hear reply,
Theirs throat and lungs to try,
Theirs to baud, Low and High:
Bound the Archbishop’s chair
Boared the seven hundred.*
Canons to right of him,
Canons to left of him,
Canons in front of him
Shouted and thundered ;
Stormed at with groan and yell,
Beally they stood it well,
Till they were out of breath,
Till an Earl tried to quell
Howls by the hundred.
Flustered the laymen’s hair.
Flushed all the.clergy were.
Scaring the waiters there,
Hooting and hissing, while
York’s prelate wondered:
Guides of us sinner-folk,
Precept and law they broke;
Curate and Hector spoke,
Dealing the Church a stroke,
Shaken and sundered.
Then they divided, and
Lost the six hundred.
Clergy to right of Chair,
Clergy to left of Chair,
Clergy before the Chair
Shouted and thundered;
Stamping with groan and yell.
Past any power to quell,
They who had roared so well
Went blessed and out of breath,
Back to their flocks to tell
All that was done by them,
Nice fourteen hundred!
When will the scandal fade ?
O the wild row they made !
All the world’s wondered
Why such a noise urns made
All by the Church Brigade-
Blind fourteen hundred !
* The votes were taken on the amendment:—
For the Amendment . . . 674
Against it.765
1439
Bernal Osborne’s Last.
xYt the dinner lalely given him upon his
having lost his seat, our dear friend Bernal
Osborne might have said, if he had thought
of it, “The M.P. who can make a joke when
made an Ex-M.P., may surely gain the credit
of ex-M.P.-lary behaviour.”
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVAPI.
257
CUTTING HIM SHORT.
Hair-Dresser. “ We cam Tghly Recommend this-—”
Grim Custo'mer. “ Your Commission’s about Twopence on that Rubbish, isn’t it ?”
Hair-Dresser {taken aback). “ Ye—Yes, Sir.”
Customer. “ Then Hold your Tongue, and Finish Cutting my Hair, and I ’ll see
if I ve got any Halfpence / / ”
EXPLOSIVE PROJECTILES LIMITED.
The Millennium may appear to many of the sincerest wishers for its advent to have been
postponed by the decision of the St. Petersburg Conference to forbear from the use of rifle-
shells in warfare. It may, with great reason, be argued that the more frightful and mur-
derous warlike weapons are made, the more destructive the means of destruction, the sooner
will war become so_ terrible that nations will shrink from incurring its horrors. _ There is
a good deal to be said why the Peace Society, instead of meeting, talking, and agitating for
the direct accomplishment of their object, should devote themselves to the encouragement,
by adequate prizes provided by subscription, of inventions such as Armstrong ana Whit-
worth guns, Moncrieff’s battery, Palliser’s chilled shot, and all manner of torpedoes and
naval or military infernal machines. Suppose, for instance, a joint-stock company (limited)
were established for the purpose of catching rattlesnakes, copper-heads, marsh-mocassins, pulf-
adders, cobras, and all other kinds of venomous snakes in the world, extracting their poison,
and enclosing it in swan-shot, with which bombs being tilled might scatter certain death,
killing everybody whom they so much as grazed. It might very plausibly, if not justly, be
maintained that the Peace Society would do one of the best things it could towards gaining
its end by promoting such an enterprise.
On the other side there is no denying that the idea of disusing a projectile because it
hurts dreadfully, is perhaps a step to the disuse of all projectiles used in war, and therefore
to the abolition of war. All projectiles hurt dreadfully when they smash bones or inflict
lacerated wounds. The wonders worked by the Chassepot, rifle at Mcuuna Hurt those on
whose limbs they were performed very dreadfully indeed. The St. PeteisDurg Conference
has decided that the pain given by shells under one pound’s weight is something too
horrid for humanity to permit. If sovereigns and peoples think a little further in this way,
they will possibly get in time to apprehend that the effects of a jagged lump of iron, or even
a smooth one, impinging on the shins with a certain velocity, or tearing up any sentient
region of the human frame, are not so much less horrid as to be allowable. Is it altogether
absurd to suppose that the time may come when
civilised mankind will think of smashing one
another in battle as an obsolete atrocity, even an
they now look back on breaking criminals on the
wheel ?
THE CHARGE OF THE BLACK
BRIGADE.
Freemasons5 Tavern, Tuesday, December S, 1868.
Half a day, half a day
Sped the clocks onward,
While in Freemasons’ Hall
Hoared the six hundred.*
Frantic, the Black Brigade !
“Charge for the Church! ” they said*:
In the Freemasons’ Hall
Boarea the six hundred.
F rantic, the Black Brigade !
Fearful the row they made !
Some day they ’ll know too well
How they have blundered :
Theirs not to hear reply,
Theirs throat and lungs to try,
Theirs to baud, Low and High:
Bound the Archbishop’s chair
Boared the seven hundred.*
Canons to right of him,
Canons to left of him,
Canons in front of him
Shouted and thundered ;
Stormed at with groan and yell,
Beally they stood it well,
Till they were out of breath,
Till an Earl tried to quell
Howls by the hundred.
Flustered the laymen’s hair.
Flushed all the.clergy were.
Scaring the waiters there,
Hooting and hissing, while
York’s prelate wondered:
Guides of us sinner-folk,
Precept and law they broke;
Curate and Hector spoke,
Dealing the Church a stroke,
Shaken and sundered.
Then they divided, and
Lost the six hundred.
Clergy to right of Chair,
Clergy to left of Chair,
Clergy before the Chair
Shouted and thundered;
Stamping with groan and yell.
Past any power to quell,
They who had roared so well
Went blessed and out of breath,
Back to their flocks to tell
All that was done by them,
Nice fourteen hundred!
When will the scandal fade ?
O the wild row they made !
All the world’s wondered
Why such a noise urns made
All by the Church Brigade-
Blind fourteen hundred !
* The votes were taken on the amendment:—
For the Amendment . . . 674
Against it.765
1439
Bernal Osborne’s Last.
xYt the dinner lalely given him upon his
having lost his seat, our dear friend Bernal
Osborne might have said, if he had thought
of it, “The M.P. who can make a joke when
made an Ex-M.P., may surely gain the credit
of ex-M.P.-lary behaviour.”