Punch (55.1868)

January 2, 1869.

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

279



THE NEW YEAK’S HAIR,

Ok, what shall I do with my hair
When this present fashion is o’er,
And we shall continue to wear
These wonderful chignons no more ‘i
Of course we shall never escape
Prom ridicule, do what we may,

To put, as we must in some shape.

Our flowing locks out of the way.

Suppose that in Cybele’s towers
My tresses I venture to braid,

By pens of satirical powers

VV hat fun of poor me will be made !
Still more if, what trouble it takes
No matter, I twine them anew,
Medusa-like, all into snakes,

Though that would be classical too.

How silly a creature is man !

How hard his vain fancy to please !
But stay, I have hit on a plan ;

__ Long pigtails as worn by Chinese.
Yet, charming as we shall appear,

Men still will deride us as now.

I know this remark we shall hear—

In pigtail the pig should be sow.

New Vestments.

“A Correspondent from Natal writes to us:—‘ There is a
general expectation here of Bishop Gray’s arrival with Mac-
rorib in tow.’ ”—The Echo.

Not the most becoming material for a Bishop-expectant
to be seen in for the first time by those whom he hopes to
call his people ! What would the Caffres think when they
gazed on one who wishes to be their Diocesan, not arrayed
in lawn, not even dressed in broadcloth, but—in tow!


VIVID DESCRIPTION.

Aunt. “Now, Jlmmy, tell me all about your Day.”

Jimmy {who has been out visiting). “Well, Aunty, we had Dinner directly
WE GOT THERE, THEN CaKE AND WlNE, AND Tea BEFORE WE CAME AWAY.”

T EFT HIS EMPLOYMENT on Thursday afternoon, a
-Li Lawyer in large practice, endowed with handsome whiskers
and commanding intellect. Went out for the purpose of buying
Punch’s Almanack, and, it is presumed, has since been so much
occupied in the enjoyment of its humour, that he has utterly
forgotten to return to his disconsolate clientelle and clerks.

I

CHEEKY GREECE.

The impudence of the Greek Cabinet, in pretending to plead inability,
i as a constitutional Government, to prevent the enlistment of volunteers
in aid of the Cretan insurgents against Turkey, is wonderful. It is all
very well for a State which is great and powerful in comparison with
another to take no cognisance of war levied within its boundaries
; against that other. Our Spanish Legion, which helped to place the
Ex-Queen of Stain on the throne whence she had just been driven by
I her people, was very properly permitted, and even encouraged, by the
British Government of the day; because if Don Carlos had triumphed
we should have been in no danger of a second Armada, or even of so
| much as a little and inexpensive war. Our rulers were quite right in
| winking hard at the enrolment of Englishmen under the flag of Gari-
! baldi, and that of Irishmen under the banner of the Pope. Neither
Victor-Emmanuel on the one hand, nor Pio Nono on the other, was
i capable of calling us to account. But it is intolerable that a weak and
diminutive kingdom like that of Greece should presume to take the
I liberty exercised in parallel cases by its greaters and strongers. The
example it should follow is that which they exhibit pending hostilities
; between Powers whose strength equals or exceeds their own. We
tried to enforce the neutrality of our fellow-subjects between the
Northern and Southern belligerents of America, and are preparing to
! pay for having in a measure failed. It is as we behaved to the United
■ States, not as we behaved in the case of Spain, and Rome, and Italy,
that the Greeks should behave to Turkey.

LOST.—Probably dropped in a cab, a toothpick, a live rattlesnake, a
chignon, a cigar-stump, and a purse of untold gold. Whoever will
restore, intact, the latter article, is perfectly at liberty to pocket all the
others, and will in addition, be presented with a copy of Punch’s famous
Almanack by way of a reward. Address “ Moonshine,” next door to Aldgate
Pump.

MARTIN v. MACIIONOCHIE.

In the> presence of the Archbishop of York, Lord Cairns, evi-
dently after a careful perusal of Mr. Punch’s judgment in this case
published four weeks ago,* delivering the decision of the Committee
of the Privy Council, condemned Mr. Machonochie toto ccelo: and in
him the Ritualistic party within the Protestant Church of England.
No one knows better than the Ritualists themselves that the word
“trivial” cannot be applied to any ceremony in the public worship of
the Church. The “ intention,” that is, as Mr. Punch pointed out, “ what
they mean by it,” is the point; and as doctrines utterly repugnant to
the expressed, and implied teaching of the Anglican formularies underlay
the outward ceremonies and actions, so the Privy Council in con
demning these rites and ceremonies, have thereby condemned the doc
trines which these were known and understood by the initiated to
signify. And now, Mr. Machonochie and Gentlemen, what next ?
The compliments of the Season to you all. Prom yours truly,

* See Punch, p. 242. PUNCH.

ODE TO JANUARY.

{Written on Boxing-Bay)

Oh, January, Janu-January,

Twelfth-Cake is thine and New Year’s Eve as well
I have a passion for the name of Mary.

Just so. I never loved a young gazelle.

She danced—at least the song says—like a fairy.

The warmest welcome at an inn,—hotel,

I beg its pardon—terms have grown so swell,

And freedom shrieked when Kosciusko fell

Where to Spend your Honeymoon. —"The United Hotel.”