Punch (55.1868)

August 1, 1868.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

45


i

A GOOD CUTTING REASON.

Alice. “Angela, wiiat have I done to Offend you? You have avoided

ME THE WHOLE EVENING.”

Angela. “I’m not Offended, but your Dress perfectly Kills mine, and I

REALLY can’t BE SEEN WITH YOU.”

CORRESPONDENCE.

Punch has received several communications touching
the extreme heat of the weather. From a voluminous
mass of correspondence he selects for the edification of
his readers a few of the more remarkable oues:—

to the editor, of “punch.”

Barking, July 22nd.

Sir,—Last Saturday my mother-in-law came on a
visit. In a short time it became so hot that I was
obliged , to leave home. You may make what use you
please of this. Yours,

J. Stubbs.

TO THE EDITOR OF “ PUNCH.”

Exeter, July 20th.

Mr. Punch,—It was so warm here last week that
Brown (who set up in opposition to me a year back)
and I quite forgot our long-standing coolness.

I enclose my card. Yours truly,

Galen.

to the editor of “ punch.”

Punch,—I have a droll friend of the name of Pond.
I never knew him so dry as lie has been lately.

Yours,

Wagstaff.

to the editor of “punch.”

Old CiiaT,—Excuse the liberty, but wouldn’t you
like to be iced Bunch this weather ? You know me.

Yours,

Old Subscriber.

to the editor of “punch.”

Dear Brother Punch,—Rather a good idea of
Brother Wilde’s letting us take off our wigs in Court,
eh ? What we might term an unexpected “ refresher.”
Yours without prejudice,

R. Arthur Porus.

Poetry or Doggerel P

Mb. Punch,—Has not too much importance been
attached to the fact, as an argument showing the Poem
ascribed to Milton not to be Milton’s, that the initials
appended to it are P. M. instead of .1. M. P May not
P. M., Sir, be supposed to stand for Poet Milton ?
If the letters had been P. C. would many of us have
doubted them to mean Poet Close ? I venture to sign
myself, Hotspur.

MAJOR PALLISER’S HEAVY CHARGES.

My eye, Mr. Bunch, was caught the other day by the following-
jocular paragraph in a newspaper

“ Major Palliser’s Gun.—It may ease the minds of tax-payers if they
are informed that the gun which burst at Shoeburyness on Thursday, as well
as the powder and shot, was Major Palliser’s private property, and that no
•expenditure of public money has been incurred. The gun in question is one
of a purely experimental nature, and steel was tried only in consequence of
the great pressure put on Major Palliser to give that metal a trial.”

The writer of the foregoing statement could never have intended
■seriously to express an opinion that tax-payers would be glad and not
sorry that the cost of an accident incurred by a gentleman in trying
experiments for tlieir advantage would have to be borne by him, and
not by themselves. Eor an individual alone that cost would be heavy;
a share of it for each one of a multitude would be light, and if the tax-
payers would rather Major Palliser should stand it than they, their
meanness would be ridiculous. Does not the British Public always
make a point of compensating every one who loses either money, life,
or limb in its service, by the award of a handsome grant or pension to
himself or his survivors ? Generous British Public, it takes nothing
for nothing; never allows anybody to sacrifice anything for it without
being amply remunerated!

If Major Palliser has lost anything by the bursting of his gun, of
course Government will take care to see that lie is reimbursed. Other-
wise it will not go the way to get clever men to devote their abilities
to the improvement of our artillery. your humble Servant,

Egomet Ipse.

SCIENTIFIC EVENING DRESS.

“ Why,” says the Lancet to its readers, “ do not the members of
our profession set a good example by clothing themselves in a rational
manner during the present weather ? Our medical contemporary pro-
ceeds to explain that the elements of a rational costume are porousness
and whiteness of material, rendering it a non-conductor, a sparing absor-
bent, and plentiful reflector of heat, and allowing evaporation from the
surface of the body. The Lancet states that:—

“ These qualities are possessed in the highest degree by white flannel, and
there is no reason, that we can find why this material should not he adopted
generally in place of the atrocious costume which fashion inflicts upon suffering
mankind.”

Eashion with regard to colour and caloric, is even more unscientific
as touching male attire than female. It requires men to put themselves
into suits of black when they go to dance in crowded bail-rooms. The
| consequence, the least injurious, is liquefaction. Eor waltzing in such
weather as we have lately had, the only fit attire would resemble, the
uniform in which recruits are drilled. Men should wear a fatigue
dress-coat, waistcoat and trowsers, made, as the Lancet suggests, of
white flannel. It might, if needful, be picked out and trimmed narrowly
with pink, or scarlet, or sky-blue, or any other tint suitable to the
tomfoolery of capering, and satisfactory to the ladies.

Don’t Mention the Place.

The Eisteddfod this year is to be held at . Ruthin. Reporters be
pitiless: let there be no ruth in what you say of that grotesque meeting.