Punch (55.1868)

September 5, 1868.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

PUNCH’S HANDBOOK FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

The want of a complete, concise, and comprehensive Guide to the
more popular watering-places has long been felt. Black, Murray,
Bradshaw, &c., are too elaborate for these run-and-read days, whilst
the local Hand-books are full of what few care to know anything about.
Punch therefore feels sure no apology is needed for the following
descriptive pages.

They will be found
remarkably reliable,
and must recommend
themselves to the in-
telligent reader.

HINTS TO TRA-
VELLERS.

1. Always make up
your mind where you
are going before hiring
your cab. This saves
much after confusion.

2. Be prepared with
a little money in your
pocket. You will find
it useful.

3. Take as little
luggage as possible.

A toothbrush and a
pair of straps are
amply sufficient for a
short tour.

4. If you have a
name you are proud
of, have it legibly
written on a label and
conspicuously placed
upon your luggage.

If you are desirous to
avoid recognition, it
is not a bad plan to
have no label at all.

In all cases of not
sticking a label to
your luggage, stick to
it yourself.

5. Invariably travel
third-class. You will
find it come cheapest
in the end.

6. When the train
moves it is always
judicious to observe
smilingly, “Nowwe’re
off ! ” This simple
phrase frequently
leads to pleasant con-
versation and ac-
quaintanceship. Good
matches indeed have
sprung from the well-
timed utterance of
this mild but appo-
site remark. A plea-
sant little joke about
“ riding with one’s
back to the horses ”
has been very effective
in its time. Though
now, perhaps, a trifle

; obsolete, still it is
worth trying, and, if
| received in the spirit
in which it is offered,
should be followed up with caution, and who knows what may
come of it. A slight knowledge of the principal seats the traveller
passes, is of incalculable value; and observations upon the crops will
be generally found acceptable. Never allude to railway accidents, or
blow your nose violently in tunnels.

7. Loudly expressed contempt for the writer of the “ City Article ”
in a leading newspaper, will always carry with it the greatest weight.
If you are acquainted—however distantly—with any member of the
Peerage, do not conceal the fact. Such a course savours of meanness,
and is peculiarly distasteful to the British nature.

I

8. Insist upon smoking whenever and wherever you choose. This
is a land of freedom, where every man may annoy his neighbour in an
independent manner. Old prejudices are dying out.

9. If you are seated near a deaf person, insist upon carrying on a
conversation with him. By so doing you will not only entertain him
but also the rest of your fellow-travellers.

10. If you have a friend with you, read him out long extracts

from the newspaper. The result will probably be, that after the next
__ station you will have

the carriage to your-
selves. Whistling, if
pertinaciously per-
sisted in, has been
known to produce the
same effect.

11. Never give up
your seat to a lady,
or change sides on
any account. The
system is a bad one.
8et your face against
babies, but do not
kiss them.

12. Chaff the por-
ters at the small sta-
tions. It cheers their
dull lives, poor fel-
lows, and they will
bless you.

The above dozen
rules will be found, if
carefully acted upon,
to conduce marvel-
lously to the comfort
of the holiday-seeker,
but there is another
golden rule which
should be invariably
obeyed. It is as fol-
lows ; Most important
rule of all—Never go
anywhere without your
“ Punch P

{May he continued.

We shall see.)

THE ONE THING
SOLID.

By a newspaper
paragraph we are in-
formed that Mr. Du
Cane, having accepted
the Governorship of
Tasmania, is also
“ about to receive at
the hands of his late
constituents in N orth
Essex a solid expres-
sion of their estima-
tion of the eleven
years’ good service he
has rendered them in
Parliament.” We fur-
ther learn the proba-
bility that /1 the testi-
monial will assume
the form of a por-
trait.”' If the portrait
is to be a picture, it
will be rather a
shadowy than a solid
expression of feeling.

To constitute a solid offering, the testimonial about to be pre-
sented to Mr. Du Cane rather should “assume the form of a
statue. There would be still greater solidity in a round sum, which
may be said to be the very form and substance of solid pudding.

University Intelligence.

Great excitement prevails at Oxford amongst the ladies who are not
engaged, owing to the expected arrival of a number of “ unattached ”
students after the Long Vacatior