DOI Heft:
August 22, 1868
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0086
79
August 22, 1868.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE DIRECTOR’S OPERA.
ACT II. SCENE I.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Captain Macheath, Wat Dreary, Harry Padington,
Jemmy Twitcher, Robin of Bagfhot, Mat of the Mint,
Crook-finger’d Jack, Nimming Ned, Ben Budge.
SCENE—An Office near Whitehall.
Jemmy Twitcher, Crook-finger’d Jack, Wat Dreary, Robin of Bag-
shot, Nimming Ned, Harry Padington, Mat of the Mint, Ben
Budge, and the Rejl of the Gang at the Table, voith Pens, Ink,
Foolfcap in Quantities, Time-tables, Ready Reckoners, Rail-way,
Fills and ASls, Clearing-house Regifters, Balance Sheets, in various
Stages of ManufaSlure, Accounts, cooked and uncooked, Bottles,
Glaffies, See., before them.
Ben. But prithee, Mat, what is become of thy Partner Jemmy P
I have not feen him fince the Wind-up of the Diddlefex Credit Fonder.
Mat. Poor Jemmy had an Accident laft Old Bailey 'Seffions. He
tried a financiering Touch to the Tune of a cool Hundred on exaftly
the same Principles that had carried him, with Honor and Profit,
through Operations of Hundreds of Thoufands. The Beak called
it Swindling, and was heartlefs enough to commit him. All the Wit
in Wejlminfter Hall could not drive into the wooden Pates of a
Central Criminal Court Jury the wide Diftinftion between Fraud and
Financiering, and now poor Jemmy is among the twopenny-half-
penny Rogues in Grey and Yellow at Portland S^uarries !
Ben. How are your common Juries, of peddling Tradesmen, to be
expected to underftand high Finance ?
Ned. How came it Jemmy did not challenge ?
Crook. Or claim to be tried by his Peers—a dozen of Direftors
Wat. Ah ! Jemmy was before his Time, Gentlemen.
Jem. The more Reafon, Gentlemen, we fhould not be behind
ours—the Prefent. It is our duty to make the moft of our Occafions.
Whatever fqueamifh Sentiment may fcribble, or pragmatical Prudifh-
nefs may preach, (hall we allow the Law to be levelled at us ? It
cannot, if we do but maintain ourfelves above the Level of the Law.
Down with all Cant, fav I! Are we more difhoneft than the Reft of
the Commercial World ? What w'e win is our own, by the Law of
Number One, and the Principles of Mutual Affurance—Unlimited.
Crook. Where fhall we find fuch exemplary Chriftians as our noble
felves—a Body fo exaft in doing (thofe) as they would be done by,
under the like Circumftances ?
Wat (turning up the Whites of his Eyes). What, though I may
have palled through the Bankruptcy Court! My Labours lhall yet
be bleffed with Increafe ! Whom is Heaven to help if not us who
never fail to help ourfelves P
Robin. Well faid, honeft Wat! And though we may not all have
thy Gifts in the Pulpit, we are Men, I will fay it, of proved Courage,
and indefatigable Induftry!
Mat. Who is there here that would not Hand in, or lie out for his
Friend ?
Harry. Or that would not cook an Account for his Company's
Intereft ?
Robin. Or his oven, either, if you come to that P
Mat. Shew me a Tovrzery Gang that can fay more !
Jem. Enough blowing of our own Brafs, Gentlemen. If they will
not let us combine by Law, we will do it without. We here proclaim a
joint Partition of the Country among us. Every Company hath an
indefeafible Right to its own Field of Supply, and as Supply depends
on Demand, ’tis our duty to demand all we can ferew out of our
Paffengers’ Pockets.
Wat. We but retrench the mifehievous Superfluities of Simpletons
for the Profit of the fharper Portion of Man-Kind. We hate every-
thing in the World that is green ; and whenever we fee the Colour,
eur Inftinft bids us change it to a Dun-brown. Cash was never
meant to be locked up in the Bank Cellars. The Fundholder is your
true Robber of Man-Kind. He cribs, cabins, and confines the Capital
that was meant to fly over the World on paper Wings, and multiply
ad infinitum under the Alchemy of the Financier’s Bill-Stamp ! Where
can be the Harm of taking from others what they have not the Wit
to make more than Three per cent, of?
Jem. Enough, Gentlemen. Our new Fare-tables are fettled. Good
Luck attend us all ! Let us drink our next merry Meeting, and I will
give you the right Railway Directors’ Song and Sentiment—“ Tax
every Clafs ! ”
Air. “ Fill ev’ry Glais, for Wme infpires us.”
Tax every Clafs, for Lavs permits us,
And fits us
On Men s Purfes to lay Hands :
Of unreaf' nable Demands
Our Confidence it acquits us !
■ Chorus—Then tax every Class, Gfr.
SCENE II.
To them enter Macheath.
Mac. Gentlemen, well met ! My Heart hath been with you this
Hour. But a parting Shot at our inveterate Perfecutor Redefdale
hath detained me. No Ceremony, I beg you !
Harry Pad. We were juft breaking up, after approving your new
Rates of Fares. Ah, if the Lords would but have allowed your
brave Heads of the South to work in Company. As it is, you muft
operate all the more manfully, each on his own Line. You muft teach
thefe Rogues what it is to throw Obftacles in the way of Direftors
in Difficulties. Though we work the other Side of the Water,
You have our good Wifhes. We have had too much Squabbling.
What a Plague, Gentlemen ? Are we not Comrades, after all ? I
fhould be the laft Man to recommend a good Underftanding had I not
difeovered its important Bearing on Dividends. There are Direftors
on the Northern and Weftern Lines who may be worth (peaking
with-
Mach. I have heard also Whifpers of fuch—but—
Harry Pad. But what, Sir?
Mach. Is there any Man here who dares inhnuate anything againft
my Honor ?
Mat. We are all ready to bear Witnefs to it !
Mach. My fworn Truth to the Holy Alliance of Direftors ?
Mat. I ’ll be anfwerable for it.
Mach. In dividing our Booty—in Advance, more’s the pity—have
I ever fhown the leaft Maries of Avarice or Injuftice ?
Mat. By thefe Q^ueftions, fomething feems to have ruffled you.
Are any of us fufpefted ?
Mach. I have a fixed Confidence, Gentlemen, in you all, as Men
of Honor, and, ftill more, as Men of Bufinefs : and as fuch I value
and refpeft you. Redefidale is a Man that is troublefome to us.
Mat. Is he about to give us any more Plague ? I ’ll have him
fhown up in the Newfpapers.
Mach. I beg you, Gentlemen, aft with Prudence and Difcretion.
Publicity fhould be our laft refort.
Mat. He knows nothing of this Meeting.
Mach. The Private Bufinefs of their Lordfhips’ Houfe cannot go
on without him. He is a Man who knows our Game, but he is a
neceffary Nuifance to us. We must continue to treat him with a
certain Deference, for the Moment we have him dead againft us
our whole Gang is at a Dead-lock in the Lords.
Mat. But stop his Mouth, and who fhall dare wag a Tongue
againft us ! In that way, I grant you, he is of great Convenience to
us.
Mach. Make him and the World believe we have quarrelled among
ourfelves, which we can’t afford to do, of courfe. Let us continue to
l'quabble in Public, but in our private Meetings we can fettle Matters
pleafantly.
Mat. Your Inftruftions fhall be obferved. ’Tis now high Time
for us to repair to our feveral Offices. So till next Clearing-Houfe
Day we bid you Farewell !
Mach. I fhall wifh myfielf with you. Succefs attend you !
Air. March in Rinaldo, with brafs accompaniments.
Mach. Let us take the Road !
Novu, the happy Hour approaches,
When voe 'll rob Trains like Stage Coaches,
So of Fares ~we 'll raife the Load !
To the Lavo voe 'll hold!
Tour Dick Turpins vuere but Affies,
Our Game their Game furpaffies,
And the Public ’s bought and sold !
[The Gang, ranged in the Front of the Stage, brandifh their
Tariffs, double-load their Fares, and flick them in thair
Pockets ; then go off, finging the first Part in Chorus.
Sport poii Black-legs.—The Negro Race.
August 22, 1868.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
THE DIRECTOR’S OPERA.
ACT II. SCENE I.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Captain Macheath, Wat Dreary, Harry Padington,
Jemmy Twitcher, Robin of Bagfhot, Mat of the Mint,
Crook-finger’d Jack, Nimming Ned, Ben Budge.
SCENE—An Office near Whitehall.
Jemmy Twitcher, Crook-finger’d Jack, Wat Dreary, Robin of Bag-
shot, Nimming Ned, Harry Padington, Mat of the Mint, Ben
Budge, and the Rejl of the Gang at the Table, voith Pens, Ink,
Foolfcap in Quantities, Time-tables, Ready Reckoners, Rail-way,
Fills and ASls, Clearing-house Regifters, Balance Sheets, in various
Stages of ManufaSlure, Accounts, cooked and uncooked, Bottles,
Glaffies, See., before them.
Ben. But prithee, Mat, what is become of thy Partner Jemmy P
I have not feen him fince the Wind-up of the Diddlefex Credit Fonder.
Mat. Poor Jemmy had an Accident laft Old Bailey 'Seffions. He
tried a financiering Touch to the Tune of a cool Hundred on exaftly
the same Principles that had carried him, with Honor and Profit,
through Operations of Hundreds of Thoufands. The Beak called
it Swindling, and was heartlefs enough to commit him. All the Wit
in Wejlminfter Hall could not drive into the wooden Pates of a
Central Criminal Court Jury the wide Diftinftion between Fraud and
Financiering, and now poor Jemmy is among the twopenny-half-
penny Rogues in Grey and Yellow at Portland S^uarries !
Ben. How are your common Juries, of peddling Tradesmen, to be
expected to underftand high Finance ?
Ned. How came it Jemmy did not challenge ?
Crook. Or claim to be tried by his Peers—a dozen of Direftors
Wat. Ah ! Jemmy was before his Time, Gentlemen.
Jem. The more Reafon, Gentlemen, we fhould not be behind
ours—the Prefent. It is our duty to make the moft of our Occafions.
Whatever fqueamifh Sentiment may fcribble, or pragmatical Prudifh-
nefs may preach, (hall we allow the Law to be levelled at us ? It
cannot, if we do but maintain ourfelves above the Level of the Law.
Down with all Cant, fav I! Are we more difhoneft than the Reft of
the Commercial World ? What w'e win is our own, by the Law of
Number One, and the Principles of Mutual Affurance—Unlimited.
Crook. Where fhall we find fuch exemplary Chriftians as our noble
felves—a Body fo exaft in doing (thofe) as they would be done by,
under the like Circumftances ?
Wat (turning up the Whites of his Eyes). What, though I may
have palled through the Bankruptcy Court! My Labours lhall yet
be bleffed with Increafe ! Whom is Heaven to help if not us who
never fail to help ourfelves P
Robin. Well faid, honeft Wat! And though we may not all have
thy Gifts in the Pulpit, we are Men, I will fay it, of proved Courage,
and indefatigable Induftry!
Mat. Who is there here that would not Hand in, or lie out for his
Friend ?
Harry. Or that would not cook an Account for his Company's
Intereft ?
Robin. Or his oven, either, if you come to that P
Mat. Shew me a Tovrzery Gang that can fay more !
Jem. Enough blowing of our own Brafs, Gentlemen. If they will
not let us combine by Law, we will do it without. We here proclaim a
joint Partition of the Country among us. Every Company hath an
indefeafible Right to its own Field of Supply, and as Supply depends
on Demand, ’tis our duty to demand all we can ferew out of our
Paffengers’ Pockets.
Wat. We but retrench the mifehievous Superfluities of Simpletons
for the Profit of the fharper Portion of Man-Kind. We hate every-
thing in the World that is green ; and whenever we fee the Colour,
eur Inftinft bids us change it to a Dun-brown. Cash was never
meant to be locked up in the Bank Cellars. The Fundholder is your
true Robber of Man-Kind. He cribs, cabins, and confines the Capital
that was meant to fly over the World on paper Wings, and multiply
ad infinitum under the Alchemy of the Financier’s Bill-Stamp ! Where
can be the Harm of taking from others what they have not the Wit
to make more than Three per cent, of?
Jem. Enough, Gentlemen. Our new Fare-tables are fettled. Good
Luck attend us all ! Let us drink our next merry Meeting, and I will
give you the right Railway Directors’ Song and Sentiment—“ Tax
every Clafs ! ”
Air. “ Fill ev’ry Glais, for Wme infpires us.”
Tax every Clafs, for Lavs permits us,
And fits us
On Men s Purfes to lay Hands :
Of unreaf' nable Demands
Our Confidence it acquits us !
■ Chorus—Then tax every Class, Gfr.
SCENE II.
To them enter Macheath.
Mac. Gentlemen, well met ! My Heart hath been with you this
Hour. But a parting Shot at our inveterate Perfecutor Redefdale
hath detained me. No Ceremony, I beg you !
Harry Pad. We were juft breaking up, after approving your new
Rates of Fares. Ah, if the Lords would but have allowed your
brave Heads of the South to work in Company. As it is, you muft
operate all the more manfully, each on his own Line. You muft teach
thefe Rogues what it is to throw Obftacles in the way of Direftors
in Difficulties. Though we work the other Side of the Water,
You have our good Wifhes. We have had too much Squabbling.
What a Plague, Gentlemen ? Are we not Comrades, after all ? I
fhould be the laft Man to recommend a good Underftanding had I not
difeovered its important Bearing on Dividends. There are Direftors
on the Northern and Weftern Lines who may be worth (peaking
with-
Mach. I have heard also Whifpers of fuch—but—
Harry Pad. But what, Sir?
Mach. Is there any Man here who dares inhnuate anything againft
my Honor ?
Mat. We are all ready to bear Witnefs to it !
Mach. My fworn Truth to the Holy Alliance of Direftors ?
Mat. I ’ll be anfwerable for it.
Mach. In dividing our Booty—in Advance, more’s the pity—have
I ever fhown the leaft Maries of Avarice or Injuftice ?
Mat. By thefe Q^ueftions, fomething feems to have ruffled you.
Are any of us fufpefted ?
Mach. I have a fixed Confidence, Gentlemen, in you all, as Men
of Honor, and, ftill more, as Men of Bufinefs : and as fuch I value
and refpeft you. Redefidale is a Man that is troublefome to us.
Mat. Is he about to give us any more Plague ? I ’ll have him
fhown up in the Newfpapers.
Mach. I beg you, Gentlemen, aft with Prudence and Difcretion.
Publicity fhould be our laft refort.
Mat. He knows nothing of this Meeting.
Mach. The Private Bufinefs of their Lordfhips’ Houfe cannot go
on without him. He is a Man who knows our Game, but he is a
neceffary Nuifance to us. We must continue to treat him with a
certain Deference, for the Moment we have him dead againft us
our whole Gang is at a Dead-lock in the Lords.
Mat. But stop his Mouth, and who fhall dare wag a Tongue
againft us ! In that way, I grant you, he is of great Convenience to
us.
Mach. Make him and the World believe we have quarrelled among
ourfelves, which we can’t afford to do, of courfe. Let us continue to
l'quabble in Public, but in our private Meetings we can fettle Matters
pleafantly.
Mat. Your Inftruftions fhall be obferved. ’Tis now high Time
for us to repair to our feveral Offices. So till next Clearing-Houfe
Day we bid you Farewell !
Mach. I fhall wifh myfielf with you. Succefs attend you !
Air. March in Rinaldo, with brafs accompaniments.
Mach. Let us take the Road !
Novu, the happy Hour approaches,
When voe 'll rob Trains like Stage Coaches,
So of Fares ~we 'll raife the Load !
To the Lavo voe 'll hold!
Tour Dick Turpins vuere but Affies,
Our Game their Game furpaffies,
And the Public ’s bought and sold !
[The Gang, ranged in the Front of the Stage, brandifh their
Tariffs, double-load their Fares, and flick them in thair
Pockets ; then go off, finging the first Part in Chorus.
Sport poii Black-legs.—The Negro Race.