Punch (55.1868)

128

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[September 26, 1868.

POPULAR MYTHOLOGY.

“ Free and Enlightened,” d-c. “ That’s ’Ercules,
Missus, an’s a Shyin’ the Crockery about ! ! ”

he’s ’ad a Row with his

OYSTERS.

Oh no, we never luncli on ’em,

Their name is never heard ;

Those natives we don’t munch: on ’em
Remains untrinnn’d the beard.

We hear their price is going down
Again to one-and-two;

Except for Crcesus half-a-crown
A dozen will not do.

“ Tenpence a dozen ” caught my eye,
Ana so I went and had one,

The first was good : the next, oh my !
Was such a jolly bad one.

To me the oyster man replied,

When I had called him Caitiff,

Under two shillings he defied
Me, now, to get a native.

And so, until the price goes down
To what it used to be,

On Oysters I ’ll not lunch in Town,
They won’t go down with me.

THE TWELVE AT ROME.

According to a telegram from Rome :—

“ A subscription has been commenced by the Roman Legiti-
mists to present the Pope with twelve four-pounder rifled cannon.
The next Consistory will be held on the 27th inst.”

Taken in the foregoing connection, His Holiness’s Con-
sistory might really be supposed to be a court for the ad-
ministration of cannon-law and no mistake, and no pun.
Perhaps a mystical significance was intended by the Roman
Legitimists in the number of the guns which they presented
to the occupant of the Apostolic See. The Pope will,
possibly, evince his recognition of it by calling his twelve
new rifled cannon the Twelve Apostles.

Ad Imperatorem.—What the French Government ought
to do with La Lanterne ? Make light of it.

OUR FISH, FLESH, FOWL, AND NATURAL HISTORY

COLUMN.

“Dear Sir,” writes Major Bullytin—“I’ve only got very light
bags, and one brace on Tuesday. Upon my word, it’s hardly any use
going out.”

[No use going out! Of course not, if you’ve only got fight bags.
Besides, one brace is not enough for any bags. A pair of braces,
Major, would be more comfortable and correct. But you ought to
know, better. You’ve been to the North before, and must know how
cold it is there. Get warmer bags, with proper braces (try elastic),
and then go out. Send us all the best birds you get, for our advice.—
Sp. Ed.]

Grandtally.—To His Highness the Maharajah Dhuleep Singh.
May your Highness’s shadow never be less ! Salaam. Hear, Massa
Highness, you bagged 110 brace of grouse in one day. Oh, golly!
golly ! Also, one snipe, a hare, and two plovers. If tins meets your
Highness’s eye, it is to give notice that we can’t believe it unless we
have ten brace as specimens. They will receive the closest attention
.at our office. Do not let us have to address one of the birds, though
(as we do you), as your Highness.

Sir,-—Wouldn’t it be a good notion to start a periodical to be devoted
entirely to shooting matters, and call it the Powder Magazine ?

Yours, A. Gunny.

[Yes. Capital. Bravo Grouse ! I’m the Editor for you at a merely
nominal remuneration of two thousand a year.—Sp. Ed.]

Croquet.—In answer to Mrs. Chili we cannot say that playing
croquet on damp grass is dangerous, inasmuch as it may produce
hooping cough.

Flirt.—Yes. Spooning is not allowed, except with a very nice person.

Racing.—We are glad to learn that the Emperor has bestowed the
Legion of Honour on several French turfites. Not much riband would
be required in England for the turfites who might be named as worthy
of the Legion of Honour.

Couldn’t we institute an Order of Industry, and decorate the
Welshers (during an Eisteddfod) as Chevaliers of that ancient title F

ELibernicus.—I am addicted to fishing, Sorr. Also, Sorr, I am not
the boy to be taken in by any deludher. A fay-seeshus gintleman ad-
voised me to try the Tay and its Thributaries : skure, Sorr, that’s
nothin’ bot the Tay itself and the milk, crame, and shugar. Amn’t I
right ?

[Of course.—Sp. Ed.]

Sir,—Will a large fish take a fly F Yours, Hook.

[It depends on the weather. If raining cats and dogs we have
known some queer fishes take a cab, or even an omnibus.—Sp. Ed.]

Isn’t there a fish called the Rudd F Ignoramus.

[Yes, there is; and when he gets bigger, he’s caught in a boat, and
called a Rudder. Quite true.—Sp. Ed.]

Arrivals at our Office.—Contributors have sent the following articles,
living, extinct, and mi-exstinkuished species :—

Three Newts (in a very advanced state); Four Scorpions (alive, and
somewhere in the room) ; a YVasp’s Nest, and several Tails of Dead
Wasps (sting still in ’em: ought to be more careful); an Egyptian
Donkey (alive and kicking); Box of Mosquitoes (not quite dead) ; a
Six-Horned Antelope (quite unapproachable: butts in every direction
at once); a Nootka Goose (very like the Egyptian Donkey—only
fiercer); a Vulpine Pkilanger and American Opossum (fighting, thank
goodness !); an Orang-Utan (now tearing up and eating all our MSS.;
we can see him through the window); a Domesticated Chimpanzee
(the fiercest beast we ever saw).

Sir Richard Mayne has sent to say that we must muzzle the
Chimpanzee, the Orang-Utan, tie the donkey’s hind-legs, and also
muzzle the Vulpine Philanger and Opossum. ^ If he wants it. Sir
Richard may come and do it himself. We can’t.

[By the way, Sir Richard, oysters are getting on well. How do
your muzzles look F Eh F—Yours, So. EdL\