DOI Heft:
October 24, 1868
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0186
ISO
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 24, 1S63.
MRS. PUNCH’S LETTERS TO HER DAUGHTER.
My dear Child,
Before I proceed to discard upon Court-circulars, Croquet-
parties and other matters, I must give utterance to a feeling of unmiti-
gated astonishment that whilst our young ladies are so severely handled
under the name of The Girl of the Period, our young men go off scot
free. How right-minded mothers of daughters can support such an
injustice, I cannot conceive; for I am sure that for every six Girls of
the Period, I could find half-a-dozen young gentlemen to match. As
you arc no longer a Butter-cup, my Judiana, which means a school-girl
according to writers of authority, but a grown-up young lady about to
enter society, it . is highly desirable that you should know something
of that large portion of it, which may be distinguished as the Whiskered
and Bearded; or perhaps a better classification, would be the To-
bacco-consuming tribe; for if I talk in the old-fashioned way about
two sexes, the stronger and the weaker, what will Miss Becker and
her American supporters say P
Oh, dear! what a queer and contradictory age is this ? If one thing
seemed more certain than another, it was that men were men and
women were women; but now we are told that history has been be-
fooling us ever since the world began to spin, and that one sex has been
so nearly like t’other, that as the American said, you couldn’t tell either
from which; which is which or which is either, or if either be which,
I hope somebody will determine some day or other.
One thing I am quite sure of, however; and you will discover it for
yourself during the forthcoming season, when your Papa and I propose
to introduce you into the best, literary, artistic and fashionable circles ;
namely, that the Young Man of the Period is an ass. Ah ! my daughter,
from the way some women talk, one would fancy that every man was
as wise as Socrates—or why, such an ardent desire to be thought his
equal—but for mv part, I think the question is not, Man versus YVoman,
bat Wise versus Foolish, and a wise woman will be thought a wise
man’s equal any day. Ha ving stated that the Young Man of the Period
is an ass, I will tell you a little about ids bray, which is mostly a very
mild and soft-sounding bray, though at times a touch of ferocity may
be detected in it, when the ass is an aesthetic ass, abusing his critics if
lie be an author, the public if he be an artist, and the best writers and
artists of the day if he be merely an amateur.
The Young Man of the Period has a faculty of depreciation quite
unparalleled in history, and when he takes you into supper, or flatters
you over the croquet game, do not for a minute imagine yourself
charming in his eyes. All women are fools and all women are in love
with his especial self, thinks the Young Man of the Period • and he
arrays his bewitching person in clothes made by the royal tailor, and
talks the same talk all the year round, and never finds out why all
women seem alike and everything a bore.
Occasionally one meets with a sentimental Young Man of tli<i Period,
who delights in being tormented by some accomplished and unscru-
pulous flirt, most likely old enough to be his mother, and has very
elevated notions of that sort of woman to the depreciation of all others.
He hates men and men’s doings, reads fast ladies’ novels, lounges in
fast ladies’ drawing-rooms, manages to find the same son of company
abroad, and looks down upon the sober world that earns its victuals,
and does its dutv with supreme scorn.
The Young Man of the Period certainly does one thing for Society :
he spares no pains to make his person as Charming as possible; his
beard, his complexion, his teeth, are matters of daily and earnest solici-
tude. If nature has endowed him with a shapely foot or a small hand,
he could weep for joy when liis boots and gloves fit to perfection. But
the crowning joy of the Young Man of the Period is his mind: lie
cultivates it by reading the. most satirical of the weekly papers, by
smoking inordmately, by getting into debt, and by writing travels,
poems or novels, which he is delighted to see in print; this possession
of his never disappoints him—I mean his mind.
What do the old fogies know ? What are the old fogies good for ?
Half-a-dozen fellows of our set, thinks the Young Man of the Period,
are worth all our fathers and grandfathers put together; and he seems
in his own eyes, twice as clever as they, because he can spend so liberally
what they accumulated with so many privations.
The Young Man of the Period, who has entered the Church, will be
sure to come in your way, ere long, my Judiana, since he is seen to
greatest perfection at social gatherings in the country. This harmless
looking being does not possess the angelic temper one would at first
sight impute to him. Many things of late, the Irish Church especially,
have soured his temper; and he can be Jesuitically severe upon occa-
sions. Women, in his eyes, were born to work altar-cloths, curates’
slippers, and coddle up their husbands with tea and broth when suffering
from depression, caused by Dissenters, the Rock, and Mb. Tupper’s
ballads. Man, represented by a High-Church Bishop is a demi-god;
woman, a ministering slave.
Well may the mothers of daughters—I mean, Buttercups, wonder
from what ranks future sons-in-law are to be recruited. Fancy these
cool young satirists, these industrious spendthrifts, these loungers in
foreign hotels, these clerical despots turned husbands !
I really think that the State ought to interfere and draw up a code
of articles to be signed by all parties about to contract matrimonial
alliances. Certainly, the first thing to be taken in hand by ladies pos-
sessing Parliamentary influence is the Reformation of the Young Man
of the Period. A Reform Bill dealing with a question of such vast
social importance, would have to be handled with great skill and
delicacy; but in the absence of that, surely such questions as these
ought to be put by mothers to future sons-in-law before the Banns
are published
Supposing that unforeseen circumstances occur, state the occupation
by which you could earn your salt.
Are your Tailor's, and Perfumer’s bills such as you would have any
delicacy in mentioning ?
How many Locks of Hair are in your possession ? Can you give
a satisfactory account of each.
State the minimum quantity of claret, champagne, soda-water, cigars,
and Bass’s ale on which you can subsist per diem.
Appraise yourself at your own worth, and declare the estimation.
Do you bet on the Turf ?
Do you lose at Billiards ?
Have, you made up your mind to relinquish little dinners at Rich-
mond, little suppers elsewhere, and other bachelor enjoyments with a
good grace.
Can you condescend to forsake “ the fellows at the club,” and dine
at home with your wife off a leg of mutton ?
Can you amuse yourself and your wife on wet Sundays in the country ?
Can you give up the delightful homage of all the ladies of your
acquaintance, and content yourself with as much homage as your wife
sees fit to bestow upon you ?
Lastly, did you ever try the experiment of making ends meet ?
Other questions might with advantage be put, but I will leave them
for the present, contenting myself with having thrown out a hint. Be
on your guard against the Young Man of the Period, my daughter,
whether you meet him at croquet parties, pic-nics, balls, or archery
meetings, and profit by the advice of
Your simple, but not to be trampied-down Mother,
Mbs. Punch.
The Church in more Danger.
Mb. Wiialley is beside himself at the alarming spread of Popery
amongst a class which he had hoped was Protestant to the back
kitchen, hearing, as he does, that it is the common practice of our
domestic servants to take the vail.
THE GOOD PAPER.
According to an article in the Pall Mall Gazette, M. Edmond
Texieb, in his book, Le Journal et le Joumaliste, says that the Times
has “ serious correspondents in all the capitals of Europe, America,
and India.” The religious public will be glad to hear this.
AN EXCUSE FOR MONKEYS’ TRICKS.
Please Sir, “ there being two slight inaccuracies in your interesting
report of the Harvest Thanksgiving Festival at All Saints’, Lambeth,
I respectfully ask your permission to be allowed to ” correct them.
Please Sir, “ no crucifix, but only a cross was carried in procession -r
and,’’ please Sir, “ incense was not used during the Communion
Service, but only before the commencement and after the conclusion of
the same—a practice which is in no way forbidden by the recent lucid
and impartial judgment of the Arches Court,” please Sir.
Please Sir, “ I have the honour to be,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
Brighton, October 1.3. Frederick George Lee.”
The foregoing quotations are faithfully transcribed from a letter
recently addressed to the Editor of the Times. They constitute an
excuse for playing at Roman Catholics to which the only suitable
answer would clearly be a box on the ear.
ODD QUERIES.
Wiiat kind of mineral productions are “Vocal Gems,” and have
they any connection with “ Sermons in Stones ” ?
What is an “ Amateur Farm ” ?
Is the “Metropolitan” Railway named after the Archbishop op
Canterbury ?
What were the sensations of those people in India who are reported
to have been “ full of the Eclipse ” ?
YYliat sort of a business is “the Bachelor’s Kettle and Lover’s-
Lamp Business ” ?
What can be cheaper than “Foi’eign Operas Six for a Shilling? ”
Which are the “ Bridal Squares ” ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 24, 1S63.
MRS. PUNCH’S LETTERS TO HER DAUGHTER.
My dear Child,
Before I proceed to discard upon Court-circulars, Croquet-
parties and other matters, I must give utterance to a feeling of unmiti-
gated astonishment that whilst our young ladies are so severely handled
under the name of The Girl of the Period, our young men go off scot
free. How right-minded mothers of daughters can support such an
injustice, I cannot conceive; for I am sure that for every six Girls of
the Period, I could find half-a-dozen young gentlemen to match. As
you arc no longer a Butter-cup, my Judiana, which means a school-girl
according to writers of authority, but a grown-up young lady about to
enter society, it . is highly desirable that you should know something
of that large portion of it, which may be distinguished as the Whiskered
and Bearded; or perhaps a better classification, would be the To-
bacco-consuming tribe; for if I talk in the old-fashioned way about
two sexes, the stronger and the weaker, what will Miss Becker and
her American supporters say P
Oh, dear! what a queer and contradictory age is this ? If one thing
seemed more certain than another, it was that men were men and
women were women; but now we are told that history has been be-
fooling us ever since the world began to spin, and that one sex has been
so nearly like t’other, that as the American said, you couldn’t tell either
from which; which is which or which is either, or if either be which,
I hope somebody will determine some day or other.
One thing I am quite sure of, however; and you will discover it for
yourself during the forthcoming season, when your Papa and I propose
to introduce you into the best, literary, artistic and fashionable circles ;
namely, that the Young Man of the Period is an ass. Ah ! my daughter,
from the way some women talk, one would fancy that every man was
as wise as Socrates—or why, such an ardent desire to be thought his
equal—but for mv part, I think the question is not, Man versus YVoman,
bat Wise versus Foolish, and a wise woman will be thought a wise
man’s equal any day. Ha ving stated that the Young Man of the Period
is an ass, I will tell you a little about ids bray, which is mostly a very
mild and soft-sounding bray, though at times a touch of ferocity may
be detected in it, when the ass is an aesthetic ass, abusing his critics if
lie be an author, the public if he be an artist, and the best writers and
artists of the day if he be merely an amateur.
The Young Man of the Period has a faculty of depreciation quite
unparalleled in history, and when he takes you into supper, or flatters
you over the croquet game, do not for a minute imagine yourself
charming in his eyes. All women are fools and all women are in love
with his especial self, thinks the Young Man of the Period • and he
arrays his bewitching person in clothes made by the royal tailor, and
talks the same talk all the year round, and never finds out why all
women seem alike and everything a bore.
Occasionally one meets with a sentimental Young Man of tli<i Period,
who delights in being tormented by some accomplished and unscru-
pulous flirt, most likely old enough to be his mother, and has very
elevated notions of that sort of woman to the depreciation of all others.
He hates men and men’s doings, reads fast ladies’ novels, lounges in
fast ladies’ drawing-rooms, manages to find the same son of company
abroad, and looks down upon the sober world that earns its victuals,
and does its dutv with supreme scorn.
The Young Man of the Period certainly does one thing for Society :
he spares no pains to make his person as Charming as possible; his
beard, his complexion, his teeth, are matters of daily and earnest solici-
tude. If nature has endowed him with a shapely foot or a small hand,
he could weep for joy when liis boots and gloves fit to perfection. But
the crowning joy of the Young Man of the Period is his mind: lie
cultivates it by reading the. most satirical of the weekly papers, by
smoking inordmately, by getting into debt, and by writing travels,
poems or novels, which he is delighted to see in print; this possession
of his never disappoints him—I mean his mind.
What do the old fogies know ? What are the old fogies good for ?
Half-a-dozen fellows of our set, thinks the Young Man of the Period,
are worth all our fathers and grandfathers put together; and he seems
in his own eyes, twice as clever as they, because he can spend so liberally
what they accumulated with so many privations.
The Young Man of the Period, who has entered the Church, will be
sure to come in your way, ere long, my Judiana, since he is seen to
greatest perfection at social gatherings in the country. This harmless
looking being does not possess the angelic temper one would at first
sight impute to him. Many things of late, the Irish Church especially,
have soured his temper; and he can be Jesuitically severe upon occa-
sions. Women, in his eyes, were born to work altar-cloths, curates’
slippers, and coddle up their husbands with tea and broth when suffering
from depression, caused by Dissenters, the Rock, and Mb. Tupper’s
ballads. Man, represented by a High-Church Bishop is a demi-god;
woman, a ministering slave.
Well may the mothers of daughters—I mean, Buttercups, wonder
from what ranks future sons-in-law are to be recruited. Fancy these
cool young satirists, these industrious spendthrifts, these loungers in
foreign hotels, these clerical despots turned husbands !
I really think that the State ought to interfere and draw up a code
of articles to be signed by all parties about to contract matrimonial
alliances. Certainly, the first thing to be taken in hand by ladies pos-
sessing Parliamentary influence is the Reformation of the Young Man
of the Period. A Reform Bill dealing with a question of such vast
social importance, would have to be handled with great skill and
delicacy; but in the absence of that, surely such questions as these
ought to be put by mothers to future sons-in-law before the Banns
are published
Supposing that unforeseen circumstances occur, state the occupation
by which you could earn your salt.
Are your Tailor's, and Perfumer’s bills such as you would have any
delicacy in mentioning ?
How many Locks of Hair are in your possession ? Can you give
a satisfactory account of each.
State the minimum quantity of claret, champagne, soda-water, cigars,
and Bass’s ale on which you can subsist per diem.
Appraise yourself at your own worth, and declare the estimation.
Do you bet on the Turf ?
Do you lose at Billiards ?
Have, you made up your mind to relinquish little dinners at Rich-
mond, little suppers elsewhere, and other bachelor enjoyments with a
good grace.
Can you condescend to forsake “ the fellows at the club,” and dine
at home with your wife off a leg of mutton ?
Can you amuse yourself and your wife on wet Sundays in the country ?
Can you give up the delightful homage of all the ladies of your
acquaintance, and content yourself with as much homage as your wife
sees fit to bestow upon you ?
Lastly, did you ever try the experiment of making ends meet ?
Other questions might with advantage be put, but I will leave them
for the present, contenting myself with having thrown out a hint. Be
on your guard against the Young Man of the Period, my daughter,
whether you meet him at croquet parties, pic-nics, balls, or archery
meetings, and profit by the advice of
Your simple, but not to be trampied-down Mother,
Mbs. Punch.
The Church in more Danger.
Mb. Wiialley is beside himself at the alarming spread of Popery
amongst a class which he had hoped was Protestant to the back
kitchen, hearing, as he does, that it is the common practice of our
domestic servants to take the vail.
THE GOOD PAPER.
According to an article in the Pall Mall Gazette, M. Edmond
Texieb, in his book, Le Journal et le Joumaliste, says that the Times
has “ serious correspondents in all the capitals of Europe, America,
and India.” The religious public will be glad to hear this.
AN EXCUSE FOR MONKEYS’ TRICKS.
Please Sir, “ there being two slight inaccuracies in your interesting
report of the Harvest Thanksgiving Festival at All Saints’, Lambeth,
I respectfully ask your permission to be allowed to ” correct them.
Please Sir, “ no crucifix, but only a cross was carried in procession -r
and,’’ please Sir, “ incense was not used during the Communion
Service, but only before the commencement and after the conclusion of
the same—a practice which is in no way forbidden by the recent lucid
and impartial judgment of the Arches Court,” please Sir.
Please Sir, “ I have the honour to be,
Your most obedient humble Servant,
Brighton, October 1.3. Frederick George Lee.”
The foregoing quotations are faithfully transcribed from a letter
recently addressed to the Editor of the Times. They constitute an
excuse for playing at Roman Catholics to which the only suitable
answer would clearly be a box on the ear.
ODD QUERIES.
Wiiat kind of mineral productions are “Vocal Gems,” and have
they any connection with “ Sermons in Stones ” ?
What is an “ Amateur Farm ” ?
Is the “Metropolitan” Railway named after the Archbishop op
Canterbury ?
What were the sensations of those people in India who are reported
to have been “ full of the Eclipse ” ?
YYliat sort of a business is “the Bachelor’s Kettle and Lover’s-
Lamp Business ” ?
What can be cheaper than “Foi’eign Operas Six for a Shilling? ”
Which are the “ Bridal Squares ” ?