Punch (55.1868)

November 14, 1868.] PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVAPI.

203

A SERIOUS SPORTING-MAN.

EXPOSITION OP THE LORD MAYOR ELECT.

chronicling

Mr. Punch,—Your contempo-
rary, the Record, and your other
contemporary, the Guardian,
much as they may differ on
some points, will probably agree
in taking the same view of an
example of Turf nomenclature
which occurs in a letter of
Argus under the title of Sport-
ing Intelligence in the Morning
Post. Indeed, Sir, I dare say
that not only all the denomina-
tional papers and periodicals
will, on that one matter at least,
be quite unanimous, but that
almost the whole of the re-
spectable secular press will
concur with them. Simply
the particulars of a race at the Lincoln Autumn Meeting,

Argus thus writes

“ Such a ‘ crucifying ’ day backers have not experienced this season, as only
one race out of seven was carried off by the favourite, and the layers of odds
in that instance, on the Crucifixion filly, had a near squeak for their money,
as Cannon only just managed to squeeze in Dr. Shorthouse’s filly a neck
before the roaring Conrad. . . . The Doctor subsequently named his filly
‘ Atonement,’ and, though ti'eading on dangerous ground, perhaps, con-
sidering the ecclesiastical locality where she underwent christening rites, it
foreshadowed a turn of luck to the gentlemen on the last day, when the
favourites made ample atonement to their backers by carrying all before them.”

Now, Mr. Punch, I expect that the majority of your decent con-
temporaries, and indeed of their readers, will be down upon Dr.
Shorthouse for giving his filly the names above specified. But, Sir,
permit me to point out that they will be greatly mistaken if they
suppose that those names were bestowed on that animal in any spirit
of conscious irreverence. Let it be considered that the application,
by a racing-man, of such names to a horse, proceeds from no want ol
respect for them. You know, Mr. Punch, there are names of Colleges
both at Oxford and Cambridge of just the same kind as those which
Dr. Shorthouse conferred on his mare. A man, Sir, of Dr. Short-
house’s species esteems a horse at least.as highly as a college. _ If he
regards the latter as a noble institution, he accounts the former,
perhaps, a still more noble animal. ITe thinks no name can be too
good for a horse, and, in giving one any appellation such as a pious
founder might, with acknowledged propriety, assign to a seat of
learning, may be supposed to be influenced by the same feelings as
those which actuated a Fox and an Alcock in naming their several
foundations. In short, Mr. Punch, the truth may be presumed to be
that Dr. Shorthouse is simply a serious sporting gentleman, accus-
tomed to name his stud by words not in general employed unneces-
sarily, in perfect gravity. All else that can be said is that perhaps
he may be chargeable with a slight excess of horse-worship. As an
exponent of the stable mind, allow me, Mr. Punch, to spell myself,

Tclcqclk.

Household Hints for Economical Managers.

How to Obtain a good Serviceable Light Porter.—Take a pint of stout,
and add a quart of spring water. There you have him.

Mow to make Hats last.—Make everything pise first.

How to Prevent Ale from Spoiling.—Drink it.

How to Avoid being Considered above your Business.—Never live over
■your shop.

How to make your Servants rise.—Send them up to sleep in the attics.

. On Monday last was performed an annual solemnity, in the estima-
tion of our French friends, doubtless, as many as have heard about it,
of tremendous importance. The Lord Mayor Elect was, according
to usage, presented and described (with the help of a wand perhaps)
to the Lord Chancellor by the Recorder. The idea of a meeting
between two such Lords must needs be overwhelming to the imagina-
tion of Continental believers in the Great Lord Mayor; only they
probably consider that, with due regard to relative dignity, the cere-
mony ought to be inverted, and the Lord Chancellor presented
to the Lord Mayor. Be that as it may, in the course of the grave
chaff which the permanent Law Lord customarily addresses to the
temporary Civic one, Lord Cairns observed, referring to conceivable
interference with the rights and privileges of the Corporation of
London:—

_ “ There is but one circumstance which could lead to any danger to those
rights and privileges, and I may be allowed to mention "it. That danger
would lie where, if there should be matters with respect to which the Corpo-
ration should be required to adjust itself to the requirements of the times,
essentially different from those in which they had their origin, there should
be any failure of the Corporation to amend and adapt itself.”

This is high and courteous chaff; stately and dignified official banter.
Translated into the vernacular of familiar and undisguisedly contemp-
tuous intercourse, the gist of it would run thus :—“ I 'H tell you what
it is, my Lord Mayor of London Elect, and Aldermen ; there’s no fear
that your rights and privileges will be interfered with, except in one
case. Do you want to know what that is? Then I’ll tell you. If
you choose to go to work and reform all your antiquated abuses up to
the mark of the present day, well and good ; but if you don’t do that
thoroughly forthwith yourselves, the Legislature will very soon do it
for you. You had better set your Mansion House in order now of your
own accord, or else' you will shortly have it set in order without your
assistance.”

A PLUMPER FOR ROEBUCK.

Mr. Punch,

Of course, Sir, you are aware that the constituency of
Sheffield includes a considerable number of accessories after if not
before the fact for which Mr. Broadhead was not hanged. You
know, also, that these fellows, from sympathy with Broadhead and
his accomplices, and because of the part taken by Mr. Roebuck in
dragging their deeds to light as a Trades Unions Commissioner, intend
to oppose Mr. Roebuck’s re-election. In reference to the possibility
of losing his seat, in the speech delivered at a meeting of his consti-
tuents, Mr. Roebuck is reported to have said, after having reminded
them that he had been before the public and in Parliament for six-and-
thirty years-

“ Am I now, in my old age, to be sent back with contumely, as if I had
done nothing in my day worthy of regard ? Is there not something in it, Sir,
shocking to our nature, our common sense, and common justice ?”

If the Broadheadites succeed in turning out Mr. Roebuck, then,
about the most honest man that ever sat in the ITouse of Commons since
Andrew Marvell, will have been rejected by a majority of the
Sheffield electors. Honesty will be in a minority at Sheffield. The
most fit and proper person to represent that borough will then be
Broadhead, and the next will be Crookes. Mr. IIadfield will,
therefore, of course retire, if he be not also rejected, in order to make
room, if not for Crookes, for somebody equally fit with Crookes to be
the colleague of Broadhead, or the representative who may be
chosen in Broadiiead’s place, for want of Broadhead. But no. Sir,
Sheffield is not the Sawgrinders’ Union; and we may trust that our
friend John Arthur will find the blades of Sheffield as true as steel.

Yours, &c., Simon Pure.

Church News.

{From the Fcclesiastical Monitor.)

We are authorised to state that the Right Reverend Dr. Colenso
has been selected as the new Archbishop of Canterbury. The Reverend
Mr. Mac Roarie will be consecrated by Dr. Gray at the Cape, and
sent on to fill the see of Natal, thus vacated, and by these means the
Premier will happily heal all the discords in the Church.

a great improvement.

Sir Richard Mayne’s last edict has had one good effect. It has
put an end. to that absence of the Police when wanted so olten com-
plained of, for now they are always ready to “ come with a hoop and
come with a call.”

Mr. Mowbray’s best recommendation to a good many Oxford
voters—The Bray in him.

Change of Name, by Local Licence.

(In re Blackburn.)

This borough has become so notorious for the ruffianism of its
roughs, the violence of its mobs, the fierceness of its religious feuds, the
savagery of its political parties, the corruption of its municipal elections,
the intimidation by employers of employed, the retaliation of employed
on employers, in short, for every evil that can show a disorganised local
government and a demoralised town population, that it is suggested
its name ought to be changed, from Blackburn to Black-guard-burn.

PROFOUND.

Persons lodging in the neighbourhood of Trafalgar Square have
been disturbed at night by the Base of Nelson’s pillar.

A Nice Firm.—Messrs. Gatti and Bolla.