Punch (55.1868)

<80 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 21, 1803.

LAST NOVELTY.

This is how Fitzwellington created a Sensation with the new
Brobdingnagian Sample Scarf.

A SCRAP PROM A SPIRIT’S DIARY.

To Huntingdon, where a Church Conference and my Lord Sandwich did
make a pretty short High and Dry Speech, and therein say, as I copy from a
Paper:—

! “ He regretted that the Bishops had not the Power over their Clergy that they

, ought to have. He instanced the Conduct of Mr. Porch as, at Brighton, towards the
!, Bishop of his Diocese. A Bishop ought to have the same Power over his Diocese as a
;: General had over his Army. Bishops ought to have Power of holding a Court-Clerical,
I, and he hoped in the next Session of Parliament it would receive Attention.”

; Lard! to think what would happen if a Bishop did have the Power to try
Heretics and Apostates by Court-Clerical as a General do Deserters and the like
by Court-Martial! That Rogue, Butler, do talk of Pulpit Drum-ecclesiastic;
and metkinks the Notion of a Pulpit Drum-head Court-Clerical mighty pretty.
No doubt we should soon see all that dare hold their own Way, and other-
wise than their Judge, tied up to the next Tree, or indeed more likely the
next Stake, and pretty short Work made of the Essayists and Reviewers, and
Colenso, and Yoysey ! For I always note the Clergy almost all seem fain
to govern the Church and rule Men like a Schoolmaster do little Boys, making
Laws for the Nonce to whip them by as Occasions require. And so I do
believe if Bishops were able to hold a Court-Clerical to try People for Heresy,
they would, nine out of ten, not at all regard the Plea that the Charge was
no Breach of the Articles of Religion, but in any new Case and not within the
Thirty-nine, the Bishop would make himself both Law-maker, Judge and Jury,
all in one, and very likely Jack Ketch also.

And, Lard ! to think my Lord Sandwich should say he wished Bishops
holding Courts-Clerical!

Sounds the Same.—At the Marylebone Election the Cabmen unanimously
voted for Sandwith, having been told that he had a great deal to do witn
Kars.

THE LATE LORD MAYOR’S EAREWTTL.

GUILDHALL, NOVEMBER 7, 1868.

Air—“ Weber's Last Waltz."

Lo, mine hours of office numbered !

Ah, my reign will soon be o’er !

With the robes of State encumbered,

I shall shortly be no more.

To my name I lose the handle,

Which it bore throughout the year;

Lord by tenure, brief as candle—

Lordship not like that of Peer.

Brothers of the Corporation,

Fain my tongue to yon would tell
All my sense of obligation.

Whilst I breathe my fond farewell,

For those aids you me have rendered.

In my labours taking share :

Till my grateful thanks are tendered,

Oh, I cannot leave this chair!

Fare ye well, my coadjutors.

Aldermen, and Sheriffs two ;

And, my trusty prolocutors,

Chamberlain, Recorder—yon !

On me, civic monarch reigning,

Oft did irksome duties fall,

Which you lightened, part sustaining :

Officers, I thank you all.

Though laborious, in a measure,

Yet my year of mayoralty,

Notwithstanding, one of pleasure
Very great, has been to me.

Profit, which, with best endeavour.

At its worth I cannot sum,

I’ve derived from whomsoever
Into contact with I’ve come.

Whilst in life I’m yet abiding.

You may see me, now and then,

At the Mansion-house presiding.

As mere Alderman, again.

Some years hence, if this November
I survive, when I sit there ;

Then old times will yon remember,

Saying, “He lias passed the Chair.”

Take this Chair, then, my Successor,

Which must be no longer mine :

Of this Mace be thou possessor.

Purse and Sceptre I resign.

Sword of State, and Chain of Glory,

Take, to grace thy grandeur new.

Grandeur, oh, how transitory!

Take, oh, take, my wild adieu !

FIREPROOF THEATRES.

We are informed by the Morning Post that all the scenery,
and all the coverings of the seats of the new theatre Delle
Logge, have been rendered incombustible by a process de-
vised by Signor Borghi, wherein the essential element is
tungstate of soda. A similar method especially designed to
augment the safety of ships, commonly known in this country
as Burnett’s process, might, the Post judiciously suggests,
be more extensively applied to the purpose of protection from
fire. This idea merits the attention of managers of theatres,
in their own interest as well as that of the combustible British
Public, of which no member would ever get killed in the
crush created by a cry of fire, if there were no fear of fire, and
could therefore be no crush. We quote the reference to
Burnett’s process for the benefit of those whom it may con-
cern, but may at the same time remark how odd it seems,
in reference to anything inflammable, that the process of
Burnett should prevent it from igniting.

Success to Sidney Sussex.

There is nothing surprising in Cambridge Undergraduates
protesting against their had dinners. They have only done us
the people of England are doing all over—shown a determina
tion to nave a change for the better in the “ Commons.”

I


1