Punch (56.1869)

96

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[March G, 18G9.

ZOOLOGY.

Railway Porter (to Old Lady travelling with a, Menagerie of Pets). “’Station Master say, Mum, as Oats is ‘Dogs,’ and Rabbits is
‘ Dogs,’ and so’s Parrots ; but this ere ‘ Tortis’ is a Insect, so there ain’t no charge for it ! ”

BALLAD OF THE COURT OF QUEEN’S BENCH.

Long last the Law of England to govern great and small,

Within this kingdom paramount, alike for one and all,

And, with respect to persons, no distinction ever draw :

No Prince, no Priest, no Prelate here, no soul above the Law !

Let other nations patch up their Concordats with Home’s See,

But never to such compromise do thou, John Bull, agree,

Monks against monks for justice, against nuns if nuns should stand.
Be there for them the Juries still, and Judges of the Land.

Superiors in the witness-box, and Bishops too, must show.

And at their peril testify of what the Court would know ;

A Cardinal could be enforced, if need were, to appear :

The Pope might be subpoena’d if his Holiness were here.

No priestly jurisdiction to suffer let us deign.

But in old England evermore our English Law maintain;

That law, of human reason the perfection that would be.

Of but a few absurdities if it were only free.

A BAD PRE-EMINENCE.

Mr. Punch for many reasons has a high esteem, for Manchester.
But his esteem is not enhanced by this statement in the Times .—

“ In comparison with the metropolis, it appears that in Manchester alone
more than 3000 lives are annually sacrificed to personal dirt, municipal
stupidity, and social neglect.”

The death-rate in Manchester is higher than in any other city in the
kingdom; and this, we are informed, is owing chiefly to its dirt. Death
and dirt go often hand in hand in crowded cities, and the dirtier a
place is the more deadly will it prove to be. If Manchester would send
its dirty people to the wash, the chances of longevity to the rest of its
inhabitants would doubtless be increased.

GOOD FENCING.

Punch has not yet read a novel called Meta’s Faith (he has no faith
in meters, the gas-chaps cheat awfully), but the tongue of good report
hath been heard in its favour. And if there is much in it like this, he
is sure it is worth reading :—

“ A family without the masculine element is something like an egg without
salt. . . Even if a man can do nothing else in a house, he seldom fails to

give the women about him abundant opportunities for self-denial, and so
brings out the noblest part of their nature.”

A very well planted hit, dear lady-author. If women habitually
fought their battles with such neat fence as this, men would not think
that they always get the best of it, as they now do. However—ha!
ha ! will the wives thank you, Mrs. Meta. Is not the above a hint
for a good excuse for a man’s dining out, and refusing an evening
party P That’s our riposte.

Respectability Presents her Compliments.

What though, to show how warm well-doers thrive.
Her Gig Respectability may drive ?

She begs to say (after a late sad tumble),

She nay ride in a Gig, but scorns a Rumble.
Admiralty Office, Somerset House.

AN OBSCURE DISEASE.

Abnormal growths must be more common than is generally sup-
posed, judging by the number of afflicted people who confide to you.
that a song grows upon them.

Why does the commerce of our country, as represented by the
Gladstone Ministry, present a strange anomaly P
Because though our Trade is Bright, our Exchequer is Lowe.