Punch (56.1869)

March 20. 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ill

A SENTIMENTALIST ON SEA AND LAND BIRDS.

here is nothing of a character more
contrary to that of Bill Sikes than
the Bill for the Preservation of Sea-
birds, which Mr. Sykes has brought
into the House of Commons. It is a
pity that this measure cannot be en-
larged so that land-birds also shall
be brought within its purview. Bor
the benefit of agriculture there ought
to be fixed a period, namely the
w hole of breeding-time, during which
small birds shall be out of season as
well as game, so that the operations
of sparrow-clubs shall be temporary,
like those of goose-clubs. It may
be remarked that, at present, the
sparrow-clubs are goose-clubs in a
sense other than that in which the goose-clubs are so called ; that is
to say, they are composed of geese, stupid clowns, who know not
1 hat sparrows eat up much more mischief, in eating caterpillars, than
all they do to the farmer in eating corn.

Natural history may be a thing of no consequence. If so, any
demand for the preservation of its objects, as such, is of course absurd.
According to this view, there is no reason why any limit should be
prescribed to the employment of gamekeepers in destroying all varieties
of the British fauna which they account vermin. But on the opposite
supposition, wliich supports the British Museum, and also the. Zoolo-
gical Gardens, in as far as that rendezvous is also a scientific institution,
kites, buzzards, hawks, ravens, crows, magpies, and even badgers,
stoats, and weasels, ought not to be suffered to be, as they are in swift
course of being, exterminated. As to a kite, nobody ever sees one
now, except that flown by a schoolboy, or a gentleman in difficulties, or
a rogue in ordinary circumstances. All these ornaments of our wilds
and our landscapes are doomed to disappear and perish, for the sake of
saving a few head of game. This is a sentimental complaint, is it ?
Very well. Say it is all bosh. Then zoology, apart from its physical
uses, is all bosh too, and so is botany.

Abolish the fauna and the fora too. Improve all the beauty of the
earth off the face of it; do as much for the water—and throw out
Mr. Sykes’s Bill? No. Mr. Sykes has informed the House that the
sea-birds follow the plough, picking up worms and grubs, that they
give merchant-sailors warning of rocks, and tell deep-sea fishermen
where to cast their nets. Therefore protect these gulls, and puffins,
and cormorants, and terns, and the rest; but only because they do a
considerable deal of that material good which is now generally pursued
as the summum bonum, to the progressive disfigurement and defacement
of these dominions.

MADAME BACHEL’S LAST APPEARANCE.

Madame Rachel’s house, furniture, and effects have come to the
' hammer. The lady’s business having been knocked down by the
Judges, her effects are about to be knocked down by the auctioneer.
The catalogue and sale bills are quite overpowering to the imagination.
The drawing-rooms and principal apartments are said to “ present
splendour and magnificence difficult to describe.” There are cande-
labra (brass and lacquer probably), formerly belonging to the Emperor
; Napoleon, and incense-burners once the property of the King of
Delhi! “Dispersed through the house are numerous works of Art
aud articles of virtu, many of them presentations from Madame
Rachel’s distinguished patronesses.”

Let us hope the works of Art include choice specimens of Madame’s
own face-painting, and that the articles of virtu left in Madame’s
hands by her distinguished patronesses have not been cracked or other-
wise damaged.

A Newspaper Heading.

“President Grant’s first check.” What did he do with it?
How delightful to receive your salary so immediately after taking
office ! It must have been paid in advance. If so, here is an American
institution which all who hold Government appointments in this
country, from the Premier to the postman, would rejoice to see
introduced amongst us.

[Our Contributor is in error : the “ check ” received by the President
was of another sort altogether.]

BIS DABIT.

Mr. Eastwich has postponed his motion on Central Asia. We
thank him. If he would only add to his kindness by going thither and
delivering the speech, our happiness would be complete.

THE OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE BOAT-RACE.

THIS DAT! !

I was asked to make one in a Drag and see the Great University
Aquatic Contest, and I said I would. I was asked to ride with some-
body else along the Bank, and I said I would.

I was asked to walk with a companion also along the bank, and I
believe I promised him faithfully that I would be with him at mid-day.
I hope he has not waited for me.

I was invited to go on board a steamer, and see the race from a
paddle-box. I said that was what I should enjoy above everything.
Tickets a guinea, I think, including the chance of falling into the
water, and not returning to Town.

I was invited to go in a Hansom Cab. I said I was sure this would
be delicious, if fine. Share of expense one pound five. At the last
moment I thought I wouldn’t.

1 was invited to five breakfast parties on the eventful Wednesday
Morning; and last night I was at two Supper Parties after meeting
the givers of those Entertainments ar, the Venerable Paddy Green’s,
whither the Gentlemen from our Two Seats of Learning do generally,
on this annual occasion, betake themselves.

I was not therefore at home in bed until the daylight—(“It’s my
daylight on a shiny night,” was the last chorus we sang at Smithson’s,
with three cheers for the Light Blue, having previously at my other
supper party joined in “They are Jolly Good Bellows,”—meaning the
Oxonians—with three cheers, equally hearty, for the Dark Blue)—
until the daylight, as I was saying, did appear, which it did this
morning considerably before its time, 1 am sure : a fact, by the way,
which I recommend to the notice of the Astronomer-Royal and the
Authorities (l!' any) of the Greenwich Observatory.

Having made this a holiday with a view to having a “ day out,” my
landlady had not had notice to call me at any particular hour, and
therefore left it alone entirely, I suppose, as it was nearly one o'clock
before I awoke.

Then came the debate, in bed, as to how I should see the race.
This took at least halt'-an-honr ; and finally I arrived at the conclusion
that I should get into hot water with most of my friends with whom I
had failed to keep my appointments.

The mention of hot water suggested the idea of the preliminary step
so necessary to going out at all; and so I rang the bell, and having
ordered my hot water, consulted my watch, considered how Ion" it
would take me to go to Putney ; how uncomfortable it would be when
I got there; howl hated a crowd, and how my appearance there, if
detected by my friends, would lead to the necessity of a variety of
explanations, I determined upon having the race in my own room
before the fire, where I could see it at my leisure in my dressing-gown
and, with a pipe of much peace in my mouth, without the trouble of
putting on, to say the least of it, my boots.

I stood, then, on the top of a drag drawn by four greys, with cham-
pagne, game pies, and our party equally divided into light and dark
blue : mine was a light blue with fair hair, with whom I betted gloves
on the event, and knew my fate whatever happened.

We are to see them finish. Cheers and huzzas in the distance grow
louder and louder, and we are all excitement. My Light Blue thinks
it dangerous to stand on the top of the drag, and I show her that, if
you are.well guarded by an arm, no danger need be apprehended.
Oxford is seen in the distance through her glasses : for me I see only
Light Blue. If Oxford sees her, it will put on a spurt and win. Dark

Blue is going well forward, and the boat’s nose-- But what to me

is the boat’s nose—I see no nose but Light Blue’s, shaded by the hand
that holds the race-glasses. Hoarse shouts from the bank, “Now
you’re winning!” Ami? “Go it, Cambridge!” “Now then,
Oxford!” “Now for a spurt!” Jostling, trampling, scrambling,
shouting, clutching, splashing, on comes the crowd. I hear them ;
but my eyes are on Light Blue.. Oxford presses Cambridge closely.
1 am Oxford for the moment, Light Blue is Cambridge. What do I
care about races? Now they’re winning! A loud cheer : a bang, a
clang of bells.

Yes, I will call on her to-morrow. This afternoon I will walk down
to the Club, aud see which has won the University Boat Race of
Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-Nine.

Happiness of tlie Million.

Drawn by the Universities’ Boat Race,

See what a crowd, intent each eager face !
The kindly heart delights to think how free
Brom every care the multitude must be.

A HEARTY GOOD WISH.

“ Admiral Rods upon the Turf.” We hope it will be a very long
time before the gallant Admiral is under it.