DOI issue:
July 24, 1869
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16884#0043
Jolt 24, 1869.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
31
" Yes," I reply, admitting the fact, " but I came here first:" where- j Happy Thought— Much better, after all, to go to a hotel thau to
with I point to my portmanteau. 1 don't exactly see why he should : Willis's. Here we are. How sleepy I am. Discharge cab. How
take this as corroborative evidence, bat it strikes me (as a Happy j sleepy the night-porter is. Everything gigantic and gloomy. Large
Thought at the moment) that it will quite knock him over; which, j hall, large staircase, large passages, small porter with small chamber-
however, it doesn't at all. j candle. A. doubt crosses my mind, and L wish I hadn't discharged the
" Well," says he, clenching the matter, " 1 came to bed first." i cab. " Can I have a bed here ?" " Yes," says the porter, with a
I can't deny this. Don't know what to do. I should like to have sort of reluctance which I attribute to his sleepiness. He then consults
the power of producing some crushing argument which should bring a mystic board, and I find I can be accommodated with Number Three
him out of bed. Hundred and Seventy-Five.
Happy Thought.—Fetch Rawlinson. _ Happy Thought—Go up by the Lift. Rather fun.
T look into his room cautiously, and, as it were, breathe his name. Answer: No Lift at night. Should like a soda-and-brandy, 1 say.
I breathe it louder. He is awake and bolt upright in bed with the ! Not that I want it, but to give him to understand that I am not an
suddenness of a toy Jack-in-the-Box. Then he laughs : then he asks : outcast, to be placed in Number Three Hundred and Seventy-Five,
me, " Can't you eat 'em ?" \ AVe stories high. No other room ? No.
I ask, rather astonished, "Eat what ? " Happy Thought.-"Not got one on the First Floor ? " This also is
He replies, " Turnips," seriously ; from which 1 gather that he has to give him an idea of my importance. I am not a bale of goods, to be
not yet mastered the fact of my being in his room and that, despite his , shoved up into Number Three Hundred and Seventy-Five. I have an
sudden liveliness, he is still dreaming. After a lew more disjointed j idea that rooms on the First Floor are about two guineas a day, and ([
words, he laughs and apologises, and adds that, as he s quite awake i fancy) are let out m suites to Ambassadors or Distinguished Foreigners,
now, he wants to know what's the matter. I Happy Thought— Ambassadors have their rooms for nothing. Paid
" Ah ! that must be Grainger, he answers, when I tell him of the for ^ thdr ^oyernment. wish l could x was au Amb°assador.
red man in bed. He says this with an evident conviction that what MlLBURD WQuld haye d it Th is no b/ d and da t H
I've told him is so like Grainger: Grainger down to the ground, m ive me he hen the bar s^ about three h
fact It appears that Willis has been staying with Grainger, and hence> IdlQt, wm he ^ b / Nq h house-porter
that Grainger has come straight up Irom Wilms, with permission to wiU do that Hg commamcat°es with 'the house-porter through a pipe
use his room, while Willis uses Grainger s in the country. I don t b a hole_ He ^ m& tQ stairs as far as f aud T ^
see how you can turn him out, observes Rawlinson, thought tally, the house-porter with my bag.
but at the same time settling himself once more under the sheets, as T gQ the d stairc^se_ As l ascend j- think of ictures of
much as to say, and you can t expect me to give up my bed. staircases in the Illustrated London News, and people going up them.
Happy Thought.—To say, "It's rather hard to have to turn out at Don't know why. Look down long corridors. All sorts of boots out:
this time to go to a hotel." I say this piteously, with a view to appeal- keeping guard before the doors. Like a prison on the silent system :
ing to his sense of compassion, as I had before to Grainger's seuse j the prisoners having put their boots out. On the landing of last stair-
of justice. Rawlinson, comfortably under the clothes again, agrees case I meet the house-porter with my bag. He leads me (gaoler and
with me. "It is," he says, " confoundedly hard." " Such a nuisance," prisoner—gaoler carrying bag full of stolen property) down one cor-
I continue, plaintively. " Horrid ! " returns Rawlinson, under the ridor, up another, through a third, up small stairs, into a fourth
clothes, in a tone which signifies that he really doesn't care twopence corridor smaller than the previous ones. We come suddenly upon
about it as long as he's left alone. j Number Three Hundred snd Seventy-Five. He has a key ready : the
Happy Thought— The selfishness of Bed. Note. This is worth an Essay, door is opened: bang goes my bag on to a stand. I walk forward
I stand there hesitating. towards glass, examine myself leisurely, debate, will give my orders
Happy Thought.—To suggest "Isn't there a spare bed in the house?" f° the Boots and take it, generally, very easily, having arrived at a
Rawlinson answers, decidedly, " No." ha^f o( ^st- • t 1
I can't help feeling that if he got up and looked, I dare say he'd find Happy Ihought.—L haven where I wouldn t be.
one; or, in fact, that if he interested himself at all in the matter, ne Happy Thought.—To be called at ten, and have a cup of tea brought.
might do something for me. _ He wdl be good enough to open my bag, aud put out my things. I
It occurs to me at this moment that I have often professed myself like a hotel, because you are waited on so beautifully : much better
able to shake down anywhere, and rough it. I suggest (I can only than at home.
suggest, as I feel that now not having any, as it wer«. legal status m Before I can turn (quite leisurely, and with something of a " swagger,"
Willis and Rawlinson's rooms, I am there simply on sufferance—a just to show him that though I am up in Number Three Hundred and
wayfarer—a wanderer, glad of a night's lodging anywhere, anyhow,)— Seventy-Five, 1 oughtn't to be)—before I can turn to give my orders,
I suggest that the sofa might do. ; the house-porter has gone, without—confound him !—without undoing
Rawlinson, half way to fast asleep, replies, " Yes." a single strap !
Happy Thought.—To say that the table-cloth would do for sheets, &c., . Happy, but very angry, Thought—To ring, and show him I will be
in the hope that he'll return, "Oh, if you want sheets, here you are," I attended to. My hand is on the bell. I pause. On second thoughts,
and jump out and give me some out of his cupboard. He does not i 1 '11 pitch into him to-morrow morning. Go to bed now. Let me see-
seem to be particularly struck with the ingenuity of the idea, and ; take my note-book to bed, and make mems for to-morrow. Royal
again, more feebly than before, replies, " Yes." Academy to-morrow.
Hang it, I think he might do something. I am angry, I can't help it. Happy Thought.—After night's fitful fever he sleeps well. He went
I go back to the sitting-room. Bread daylight. I might sit up till away (house-porter did, I mean) without my telling him when I wanted
Rawlinson or the redmau, rises, and then go to bed. The sofa is a j to be called. Doesn't matter. Call myself, and ring the bell when I
hard horse-hair one. Suddenly I become determined. I'll go to a awake, to call him and pitch into him. Wish I'd got all my regular
hotel, and then write to Willis, and complain. Complain ? of what ? | n[ght things. Know I shall catch cold.
Something s too bad of somebody, but who's to blame ? I '11 have it
out to-morrow morning. Go to bed-room to get portmanteau. Red
man has locked his door to prevent intrusion. My night things are in
the portmanteau. I tell him this through the door. He won't hear.
I thump._ Nq. I anathematise the servant at home, who didn't pack
up my things in my bag, as I told her.
Happy Thought.—Write down instructions in future. Anathematise
Rawlinson, Red Man, Willis, everybody. Descend stairs with bag.
Feel reckless ; don't care whom I wake now. Landlady, maid, lodgers,
anybody. " Confound 'em ! they 're all sleeping comfortably, while
I-" I bang the bag down in the passage, and open the door.
Where's a cab? All gone home. There's one up in Regent Street,
crawling. I don't care what noise I make now. "Hallo! Hi! Cab!
here \" As I put my bag in the cab, it occurs to me that this looks
uncommonly like having robbed the plate chest, and coming away with
the contents.
" Where to, Sir ? " I think. I've only once been to a hotel in town.
Morley's. Stop; on second thoughts, Morley's wouldn't like being
rung up at this time. A railway hotel is the place where they're
accustomed to it.
Happy Thought— Charing Cross, where the Foreign Mail trains come
in. Always up and awake there, and suppers, and Boots, and Cham-
bermaids, all alive at night as well as by day.
Der Freischutz in Ireland.
A Telegram from Dublin, the other day, told us that:—
" A body of 800 armed Catholics lay in wait in Wolfe's Glen for Protestants,
but encountered none."
In the opinion of many people it is a pity that those Catholics were
disappointed of meeting their Protestant match in the Wolf(e)'s glen,
and that Zamiel didn't fly away with both sides.
Fashionable Habit.
Le Follet, this month, announces that:—
" Open bodies are very fashionable."
This is a healthy fashion, at any rate.
the lords blunder.
Said an Irish Lunatic to an Irish Rector, " The Lords must have
mistaken you for I when they are for transferring ' the surplus' to
' the surplice.'"
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
31
" Yes," I reply, admitting the fact, " but I came here first:" where- j Happy Thought— Much better, after all, to go to a hotel thau to
with I point to my portmanteau. 1 don't exactly see why he should : Willis's. Here we are. How sleepy I am. Discharge cab. How
take this as corroborative evidence, bat it strikes me (as a Happy j sleepy the night-porter is. Everything gigantic and gloomy. Large
Thought at the moment) that it will quite knock him over; which, j hall, large staircase, large passages, small porter with small chamber-
however, it doesn't at all. j candle. A. doubt crosses my mind, and L wish I hadn't discharged the
" Well," says he, clenching the matter, " 1 came to bed first." i cab. " Can I have a bed here ?" " Yes," says the porter, with a
I can't deny this. Don't know what to do. I should like to have sort of reluctance which I attribute to his sleepiness. He then consults
the power of producing some crushing argument which should bring a mystic board, and I find I can be accommodated with Number Three
him out of bed. Hundred and Seventy-Five.
Happy Thought.—Fetch Rawlinson. _ Happy Thought—Go up by the Lift. Rather fun.
T look into his room cautiously, and, as it were, breathe his name. Answer: No Lift at night. Should like a soda-and-brandy, 1 say.
I breathe it louder. He is awake and bolt upright in bed with the ! Not that I want it, but to give him to understand that I am not an
suddenness of a toy Jack-in-the-Box. Then he laughs : then he asks : outcast, to be placed in Number Three Hundred and Seventy-Five,
me, " Can't you eat 'em ?" \ AVe stories high. No other room ? No.
I ask, rather astonished, "Eat what ? " Happy Thought.-"Not got one on the First Floor ? " This also is
He replies, " Turnips," seriously ; from which 1 gather that he has to give him an idea of my importance. I am not a bale of goods, to be
not yet mastered the fact of my being in his room and that, despite his , shoved up into Number Three Hundred and Seventy-Five. I have an
sudden liveliness, he is still dreaming. After a lew more disjointed j idea that rooms on the First Floor are about two guineas a day, and ([
words, he laughs and apologises, and adds that, as he s quite awake i fancy) are let out m suites to Ambassadors or Distinguished Foreigners,
now, he wants to know what's the matter. I Happy Thought— Ambassadors have their rooms for nothing. Paid
" Ah ! that must be Grainger, he answers, when I tell him of the for ^ thdr ^oyernment. wish l could x was au Amb°assador.
red man in bed. He says this with an evident conviction that what MlLBURD WQuld haye d it Th is no b/ d and da t H
I've told him is so like Grainger: Grainger down to the ground, m ive me he hen the bar s^ about three h
fact It appears that Willis has been staying with Grainger, and hence> IdlQt, wm he ^ b / Nq h house-porter
that Grainger has come straight up Irom Wilms, with permission to wiU do that Hg commamcat°es with 'the house-porter through a pipe
use his room, while Willis uses Grainger s in the country. I don t b a hole_ He ^ m& tQ stairs as far as f aud T ^
see how you can turn him out, observes Rawlinson, thought tally, the house-porter with my bag.
but at the same time settling himself once more under the sheets, as T gQ the d stairc^se_ As l ascend j- think of ictures of
much as to say, and you can t expect me to give up my bed. staircases in the Illustrated London News, and people going up them.
Happy Thought.—To say, "It's rather hard to have to turn out at Don't know why. Look down long corridors. All sorts of boots out:
this time to go to a hotel." I say this piteously, with a view to appeal- keeping guard before the doors. Like a prison on the silent system :
ing to his sense of compassion, as I had before to Grainger's seuse j the prisoners having put their boots out. On the landing of last stair-
of justice. Rawlinson, comfortably under the clothes again, agrees case I meet the house-porter with my bag. He leads me (gaoler and
with me. "It is," he says, " confoundedly hard." " Such a nuisance," prisoner—gaoler carrying bag full of stolen property) down one cor-
I continue, plaintively. " Horrid ! " returns Rawlinson, under the ridor, up another, through a third, up small stairs, into a fourth
clothes, in a tone which signifies that he really doesn't care twopence corridor smaller than the previous ones. We come suddenly upon
about it as long as he's left alone. j Number Three Hundred snd Seventy-Five. He has a key ready : the
Happy Thought— The selfishness of Bed. Note. This is worth an Essay, door is opened: bang goes my bag on to a stand. I walk forward
I stand there hesitating. towards glass, examine myself leisurely, debate, will give my orders
Happy Thought.—To suggest "Isn't there a spare bed in the house?" f° the Boots and take it, generally, very easily, having arrived at a
Rawlinson answers, decidedly, " No." ha^f o( ^st- • t 1
I can't help feeling that if he got up and looked, I dare say he'd find Happy Ihought.—L haven where I wouldn t be.
one; or, in fact, that if he interested himself at all in the matter, ne Happy Thought.—To be called at ten, and have a cup of tea brought.
might do something for me. _ He wdl be good enough to open my bag, aud put out my things. I
It occurs to me at this moment that I have often professed myself like a hotel, because you are waited on so beautifully : much better
able to shake down anywhere, and rough it. I suggest (I can only than at home.
suggest, as I feel that now not having any, as it wer«. legal status m Before I can turn (quite leisurely, and with something of a " swagger,"
Willis and Rawlinson's rooms, I am there simply on sufferance—a just to show him that though I am up in Number Three Hundred and
wayfarer—a wanderer, glad of a night's lodging anywhere, anyhow,)— Seventy-Five, 1 oughtn't to be)—before I can turn to give my orders,
I suggest that the sofa might do. ; the house-porter has gone, without—confound him !—without undoing
Rawlinson, half way to fast asleep, replies, " Yes." a single strap !
Happy Thought.—To say that the table-cloth would do for sheets, &c., . Happy, but very angry, Thought—To ring, and show him I will be
in the hope that he'll return, "Oh, if you want sheets, here you are," I attended to. My hand is on the bell. I pause. On second thoughts,
and jump out and give me some out of his cupboard. He does not i 1 '11 pitch into him to-morrow morning. Go to bed now. Let me see-
seem to be particularly struck with the ingenuity of the idea, and ; take my note-book to bed, and make mems for to-morrow. Royal
again, more feebly than before, replies, " Yes." Academy to-morrow.
Hang it, I think he might do something. I am angry, I can't help it. Happy Thought.—After night's fitful fever he sleeps well. He went
I go back to the sitting-room. Bread daylight. I might sit up till away (house-porter did, I mean) without my telling him when I wanted
Rawlinson or the redmau, rises, and then go to bed. The sofa is a j to be called. Doesn't matter. Call myself, and ring the bell when I
hard horse-hair one. Suddenly I become determined. I'll go to a awake, to call him and pitch into him. Wish I'd got all my regular
hotel, and then write to Willis, and complain. Complain ? of what ? | n[ght things. Know I shall catch cold.
Something s too bad of somebody, but who's to blame ? I '11 have it
out to-morrow morning. Go to bed-room to get portmanteau. Red
man has locked his door to prevent intrusion. My night things are in
the portmanteau. I tell him this through the door. He won't hear.
I thump._ Nq. I anathematise the servant at home, who didn't pack
up my things in my bag, as I told her.
Happy Thought.—Write down instructions in future. Anathematise
Rawlinson, Red Man, Willis, everybody. Descend stairs with bag.
Feel reckless ; don't care whom I wake now. Landlady, maid, lodgers,
anybody. " Confound 'em ! they 're all sleeping comfortably, while
I-" I bang the bag down in the passage, and open the door.
Where's a cab? All gone home. There's one up in Regent Street,
crawling. I don't care what noise I make now. "Hallo! Hi! Cab!
here \" As I put my bag in the cab, it occurs to me that this looks
uncommonly like having robbed the plate chest, and coming away with
the contents.
" Where to, Sir ? " I think. I've only once been to a hotel in town.
Morley's. Stop; on second thoughts, Morley's wouldn't like being
rung up at this time. A railway hotel is the place where they're
accustomed to it.
Happy Thought— Charing Cross, where the Foreign Mail trains come
in. Always up and awake there, and suppers, and Boots, and Cham-
bermaids, all alive at night as well as by day.
Der Freischutz in Ireland.
A Telegram from Dublin, the other day, told us that:—
" A body of 800 armed Catholics lay in wait in Wolfe's Glen for Protestants,
but encountered none."
In the opinion of many people it is a pity that those Catholics were
disappointed of meeting their Protestant match in the Wolf(e)'s glen,
and that Zamiel didn't fly away with both sides.
Fashionable Habit.
Le Follet, this month, announces that:—
" Open bodies are very fashionable."
This is a healthy fashion, at any rate.
the lords blunder.
Said an Irish Lunatic to an Irish Rector, " The Lords must have
mistaken you for I when they are for transferring ' the surplus' to
' the surplice.'"