Punch: Punch (57.1869)

August 14, 1869.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

LINGUA EAST ANGLIA

First Angler (to Country Boy). " I say, my Lad, Just go to my I Country Boy (to Second Angler, in tke Eastern Counties language).
Friend on the Bridge there, and say I should be much Obliged " Tha' there Bo' sahy he want a Wureum ! ! "
to him if he'd Send me some Bait."

REAL SPORT AT RACES.

Mr. Punch,

Have you not often wondered at the interest which people
generally take in races, insomuch as seriously to care about seeing
them for their own sake? For the sake of a holiday and eating and
drinking, that is another affair. That of course we understand: but
in merely witnessing a lot of horses gallop, what is there more than
anybody but an ass can perfectly well imagine ? That which anyone
can imagine perfectly well, I cannot imagine why he should want to
see. At Goodwood, however, the other day I imagine you would have
been rather amused by an incident which a contemporary thus describes,
and speaks of as though really considering it an untoward one :—

"In the Bentinck Memorial Stakes the only horse found to dispute the pre-
tensions of the famous and beautiful Formosa was Blueskin, who had already
run a punishing long race with Restitution. Blueskin's jockey consequently
had orders to ride a waiting race. But Formosa's jockey had received similar
orders, because the mare's force is speed, and not lasting qualities. "When
they were started, therefore, each jockey immediately tried to wait behind the
other, and their respective animals soon dropped down to a canter, then into
a walk, and finally to the astonishment of the beholders, actually stopped and
stood facing each other for a quarter of an hour. Never before had such a
Bight been witnessed on a race-course, and it is to be hoped, never will again."

Now, this is what I call sport. What is sport if void of fun ? To
me it is no conceivable fun simply to see horses run a race ever so fast,
but I can fancy at least the fun of absurdity in the sight of their stop-
ping to try which shall be the winner through longest standing still.
Are there not famous races run at Funchestown ?—you ought to know.
Anyhow, Funchestown is in Ireland, and of that town and in that
country don't you think that such a race as the stand-still one run, so
to speak Hibernically, at Goodwood, would have been eminently
worthy P If any of my friends had, by the attraction of their society,
or that of eleemosynary chicken-salad and champagne, induced me to
join them in going to Goodwood Races, the contest of speed between
Blueskin and Formosa would have afforded me vastly more gratification

than any which I derived from the hottest run for the Derby that I
ever saw, or could derive from any horserace whatsoever, if not a
breakdown. As to the speed of a fast-running horse, I confess the
only fun in it to my mind would be that which I might relish in the
spectacle of a horse running away at full speed—with somebody else on
his back, than your humble servant,'; John Gilpinson.

Cheapside.

" SECRETARIES OF STATE SUR LA SELLETTE."

Our excellent contemporary, the Fall Mall Gazelle, has a very sound
and sensible article, called " Trial by the Daily Telegraph," directed
against the weak and violent fashion of assailing a Secretary of State-
when sentence of death has been passed in a case involving romantic
or sensational circumstances—with passionate solicitations for its re-
mission.

Will our friend the Fall Mall excuse us for reminding him of a
hackneyed quotation—

" Mutato nomine, de te
Fabula narratur " ?

Is there not even as irregular a proceeding in store for Secretaries of
State as trial by Daily Telegraph, called trial by Pall Mall Gazette ?
And is not Mr. Bruce even now undergoing that peine forte et dure,
in the Haymarket Folice case ?

"Alarums. Excursions. Chambers Let Off."

Don't set down Mr. Punch for a reckless assertionist,
When he swears, with his nearest approach to an oath,

There's no table d'hote safe from Cook his excursionist,
And no dinner, but too many Cooks spoil its broth.

A Literal Description of Our American Foor Man's Friend
—At once the M and F-bodiment of Benevolence.