Punch: Punch (57.1869)

August 7, 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

TO PLAYGOERS.

SacH of you as are
still condemned to
a high black hat
and office hours,
to delightful om-
nibus excursions
through the very-
heart of the City
of London, to
tempting glimpses
of Holborn Valley,
to lovely views
from the Monu-
ment andSt.Paul's,
to golden sunsets
behind the Bank,
to the ascent of
Primrose and Ha-
verstock Hill, to
rambles in busy
lanes and o'er
bustling Greens,
to subterranean
explorations in the
track of the Me-
tropolitanRail way,
tantalising perusal
of large mural placards pro-
posing visits to Weymouth, and
Scarborough, and Ilfracombe,
and Llandudno, and the Chan-
nel Islands, for an almost nomi-

the present time provides good things usque ad nauseam ? You leei when
you have got over that last explosive fit, and turn into the street about
twelve, and look up at the sedate stars and the demure moon, that
perhaps after all you have enjoyed yourself as much as your half-
brother Erasmus with his Maria, and the children, and Maria's two
sisters in not too spacious apartments at Walton-on-the-Naze, or your
old college friend, Champion Smith, who is trying experiments, in
comfort, with one suit of clothes and one bank-note on a pedestrian tour
through the Orkneys.

BREWHOUSE AND BATHS.

Upon the Bridge of Waterloo,

My nose a scent did please
The other day ; the South-west blew -.

And malt perfumed the breeae.
As I was walking Northerly,

I turned to whence it came ;
And lo, there was a Brewery—

A Lion o'er the same.

O Waterloo Bridge, now thine air

Is purer than of yore,
Prom Thames when foul mephitis there

The sweetest zephyr bore.
And, what the credit may exalt

Of England somewhat, near
To thee are Brewers, who do malt

Still use in making Beer.

more than ever, to be told of
places where to spend a happy
„ deprived, as you are, of the peace and seclusion of the Thames
Tunnel, and so soon to be shut out from the Gallery of the House
of Commons, and the infinite excitement of a discussion on the Game
Laws of Scotland

Por public bathing now Thames' tide

Will soon be clean enow ;
And, O ye Powers ! the means provide

That will thereof allow.
The masses then your health shall drink,
nal consideration, deserve now, In aromatic ale

There brewed, where, nigh the River's brink,
Rose malt upon the gale.

THE SISTERS, PRANCE AND AMERICA.

But you are in fine condition for a little relaxation and simple enjov-1 Originality is charming, at least it used to be; but now that the
ment A few assenting words have been muttered in Norman French, j generality of minds run in grooves, or on rails, lts^admirers ^are^ less
the Bishops are about to return to their episcopal palaces, the Minis-
terial fish-dinner is ordered, and the Irish Church is off your mind, and
you never mean to think of an Archdeacon again as long as you live.

You have dined, and finished your cigarette, and the second number
of Trollope's Vicar of Bullhampton, and require further entertain-
ment. We can prescribe it for you. Go to the Gaiety Theatre (remem-
ber that at the Gaiety, as, long before at the Adelphi, there are no fees
for booking, programmes, &c), and convince yourself that Mr. W. S.
Gilbert, like Mr. Burnand, can produce a comedy as well as a
burlesque.

You will be hard to please if you do not like this drama of Mr.
Gilbert's—An Old Score: only toothache or tight boots can possibly
be admitted as pleas in mitigation of your crime. The commencement
of ihe Long Vacation not having as yet been announced by the firing
of the Park and Tower guns, you are not unlikely to be a lawyer, and
if so, to know the meaning of " Gilbert's Act." If, after a visit to
the Gaiety, you do not wish to see more of Gilbert's Acts, we are
mightily mistaken. The plot—no, we will not divulge it, for if we may
judge others by ourselves, to be told beforehand the story of the new
play you are going to see, is as unwelcome as to be made acquainted
with the ending of a new novel, when you are in the middle of the
second volume. But it will not interfere with your pleasure to hear
that the comedy is well played, and that all who take part in it, both
actors and actresses (positively there is a butler who is not a domestic
caricature !) succeed in settling An Old Score to the satisfaction of an
approving audience.
As you are debarred for the nonce (whatever period of time that may

numerous than they were. Not being a popular commodity, it is little
in request and therefore scarce, but for its rarity all the more precious,
and agreeably surprising when it turns up. As, for instance, in the
subjoined extract from the Journal Officiel relative to the completion
of the Prench Atlantic Cable :—

"The new rate of communication thus opened between France and the
United States will henceforth render their relations both more frequent and
more intimate; it will also help to draw still closer the bonds of friendship
which now unite the two countries."

What ear or eye is there on which all this does not fall as something
new, never heard or seen heretofore ! The idea that the telegraphic
cable extending between France and America will not only render
their relations more intimate, but also " help to draw still closer the
bonds of friendship which now unite the two countries," is remarkable
for a metaphorical novelty equally striking with the probability of it,
viewed as a prediction. Its brilliancy is eminently Prench, and the
keenness of its foresight may be estimated on a basis of English expe-
rience. Only think what wonders our own Atlantic Cable has done
towards composing the differences between us and the Yankees about
the recognition-of-the-South-as-belligerents question and the Alabama
claims!_______

Woman's Work in Art.

Old Lady {reading out from Times leader on National Picture-Dealing
and Cleaning).—" It is as certain that pictures require cleaning as that
men will not agree as to the safest method to be pursued in cleaning
be) from the strand of the ocean, and cannot be among the waves in a I them. Of course. What should men know about it ? Clean the Old

bathing-machine, you must be content to be Among the Breakers, with i Masters, I say, the same way as you do the Young Masters. There's

a Brougham, at the Strand Theatre. You will probably not think
this a great hardship when Miss Bufton is on the stage, and Mr.
John S. Clarke, with his irresistible drollery and marvellous face-
acting, makes you and all the house as merry as the conventional grig,
and as pleased as Punch himself.

This "farcical comedy," Among the Breakers, is most amusing,
making both sixteen and sixty laugh loud and long and oft; and as
it is followed by "a new edition of the comic drama," The Toodles,
in which Mr. Clarke has you again at his mercy; and Toodles is suc-
ceeded by Joan of Arc, full of that burlesquerie for which the Strand
Company is famous ■ and the bill of good fare is not complete without
Th# Chops of the Channel—-mayit not be said that the Strand Theatre at

none so good as soap-and-water."

novel announcement.

The advertisement announcing a novel by a popular writer prints
the following extract from the preface:—" A sensation story pure and
simple." If true this is indeed a novelty.

result of the weather.

Our weak contributor speaks of the Wimbledtm competition as
Friendly Riflery."