Punch (57.1869)

72 PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 21, 1869.

CRICKET !

Uncle. "Well, Tom, and what have you Done in Cricket this Half?"
Tom. "Oh, bless you, Uncle, we've been 'nowhere,' this Season; all
our best 'Men,' you know, were Down with the Measles/"

SONG FOE A HAMPSHIRE HARVEST-
HOME.

There now lies a prisoner in Abundun jail,
For attemptun at murder awaitun his trial;
Now send good deliverance unto un, I pray—
I only repates what the peapers do zay.

This chap he's a Shepherd, and Heath is his name,
And it they belies un the moor is the shame ;
He tried, says the story, truth be ut or lies,
To pison his wife and his fam'ly likewise.

They says as how 'a mixed up, wi' deadly intent,
Some stuff as for killun o' varmun was meant,
In a bason o' sugar, which all did partake,
And didn't no great difference to none on 'urn make.

Hereon 'tis obsarved up in London, I hear,
Sitch mixturs of rubbish in all goods appear;
So made up and mingled wi' dregs and w' draff,
That pison its own self be n't pison by half.

There's rascals as counterfates aven our seeds ;
Wi' clover and turmuts whereby we sows weeds :
So half o' the crops in the ground as we puts
Comes up wretched charlock and barren wild wuts.

'Tood sim, by the charge 'gainst that there Shepherd
clown,

He bought his sham pison in Newbury town.
The county was Berkshire, wherein this here case
Did happen—supposun ut ever took place.

Loramassy, what rogues now-a-days do abound !
What chatun there is gwaiun on all around !
But, like a bright spot do in darkness appear,
Return of convictions diskivers Hampshire.

The number droughout a whole year, they declares,
Of dalun wi' false weights and mizhures and wares,
Was seven, and too many, as can't be denied—
But all was in Poachmouth and ne'er one outside.

What prime, precious, pure, upright fellers we be!
Don't, like others, desave, and bamboozle, not we!
In coorse that's the fact, not a bit of a doubt
Bat what Hampshire's Perlice finds all Hampshire's
rogues oat.

THE BOUQUET BONNET.

Among other vastly interesting |morsels of intelligence, a Paris cor-
respondent tells us that—

" Ladies -wear, a9 bonnets, diadems of flowers, extremely high, accompanied
by lace ruches and often by an aigrette or a small bird placed as if it were on
the point of flying away with fall-spread wings."

For a long while ladies' bonnets have been growing, in the trite
phrase, small by degrees and beautifully less : and after being scarcely
visible to the naked eye, it seems they now have actually gone clean
out of sight. Flowers in France are worn " as bonnets," we are told;
and perhaps we soon may hear of ladies wearing bouquets on their
heads, and thus en joying the delight of displaying something fresh
whenever they go out. No doubt, too, they will soon go in their
bonnets to the opera, and throw them to Dinorah, or Rosina, or
Ophelia, or whoever else may win their admiration and applause.
Staid persons might object to wear a bird "with full-spread wings,"
as it possibly might give them an appearance somewhat flighty; but
no objection could be raised to a high diadem of flowers, excepting on
the ground that it was clearly not a bonnet. When is a bonnet not a
bonnet ? it may now be asked. And the answer may be given, When
it becomes a bouquet, and then becomes a lady.

Our Political Confidence.

Great changes we've seen nothing follow,
As yet, that does not appear good;

Hooray, therefore, boys, let us holloa:
We 're sure we are out of the wood.

a nonrepresentative man.

Waiter. No Ministerial Whitebait dinner! That's your friend
Gladstone. And he calls his self Member for Greenwich!

COWES AND COWS.

Some unpleasantness, perhaps, may, as the writer of the subjoined
letter says it does, attend a spectacle which, as such merely, is
pleasing, bucolic, and rural:—

" THE HIGHWAYS.
" To the Editor of the Hampshire Independent.
" Sir,—Will you allow me, through the medium of your columns, to draw
the attention of the powers that be (whether highway commissioners, police,
or others) to the fact that our best and favourite walks around Cowes are
entirely spoilt by one or two parties having cows continually grazing on
the highway. There are generally three or four cows together, with a
child to look after them, and I need not say much about the unpleasantness of
ladies having continually to pass them. Highways were surely not made
for the purpose of grazing cattle on ? By calling attention to this you will
greatly oblige many visitors. « Tours very obediently, A. B. C."

Of course ladies, even the most timid, are little likely to be frightened
still less to be hurt, by cows which a child can look after. No doubt
there are very many sensible girls, accustomed to perambulate the
walks about Cowes, without encountering any unpleasantness in them
occasioned by cattle or any other animals. They, whensoever and
wheresoever they walk abroad, go clad, with precaution equally tasteful
and prudent, in "dresses sufficiently short not to sweep the ground.

New Novel.

Lincoln Grat, who has a large practice on the Occidental Circuit,
and delights in nothing but work, hearing of "A Life's Assize,"
remarked that that was just what he should like.

long life to him !

Mr. Gladstone, who has been unwell, is now staying at Walmer
Castle. We sincerely hope he will soon be a Deal Htter.