DOI issue:
September 11, 1869
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16884#0115
September 11, 1869.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
103
A CONVERT TO CHIGNONS.
Mr. Punch,
All your readers — "who also read their Shakspeare— are
familiar with King Lear's pathetic exclamation:—
" I am a very foolish, fond old man."
Though not yet quite "fourscore and. upward," and always I believe
in my " perfect mind," at least as much as other people, I may well
borro w for myself that confession of Lear. Paternal fondness for young
ladies is one of my many weaknesses, insomuch that I am excessively
interested about them generally, and. especially as regards their per-
sonal appearance, and their dress and the decorations thereunto
ancillary. This is foolish enough to be sure, but I have been even more
foolish than so much so as to trouble my head about matters which
may be supposed not to concern me. I have committed a very gross
■error in judgment, Mr. Punch, respecting these matters. Peccavi! I
■cave in.
Sir, I have been such a fool as to condemn and vituperate chignons.
In ignorance of their sterling merits, 1 allowed myself to be prejudiced
against them by unthinking eyesight. I did not like the look of them,
therefore abused them, and what is worse, tried to disgust_ their
wearers with them by pointing out the sources whence false hair is said
to be derived—fabulouslv !
" lie has no children," is what Macduff could not say of Mr. Punch.
If those children include grown-up daughters of some years standing,
then you know what used to be the cost of bonnets. You know it too
well. You need know it no more.
Sir, I have the honour, the pleasure, the happiness, of being ac-
quainted with a young lady whose bonnets, 1 find, come no dearer
than three shillings or three-and-sixpence a-piece. She makes them
herself—out of a little piece of crape or tulle, and a few artificial
flowers. This tulle is not tulle illusion, no, Sir, tulle at one-and-three
pence a yard, fifteen penn'orth of tulle, dog-cheap, no illusion, and no
mistake.
Now this admirable economy, Mr. Punch, is rendered alone possible
by the chignon. That fashionable superstructure of the upper storey
itself, in fact, constitutes the clothing of the head, thus allowing, or
rather necessitating, a bonnet which is simply decorative. In the case
to which I refer it is Nature's gift; but even a chignon, constituting a
■quasi wig would be so durable as to be comparatively cheap.
Chignons are praiseworthy inventions. No head-dress can possibly
be more becoming than the chignon, it is the most elegant, and cap-
tivating, and the prettiest ever devised. The chignon is more than
graceful when it has that saving grace which charms an old censor like
y°ur Cato.
RATHER A POOL'S QUESTION.
The question which has arisen touching the precedence of the
Household Cavalry over the Royal Horse Artillery will recall to the
nunds of some of Punch's more ancient readers, a scene at Astley's, in
the hippie days of that establishment, which used to occur between
Mr. Widdicombe and the Clown. At the conclusion of one of their
•customary dialogues between the rides, Mr. Merriman proceeded to
make his exit, marching ahead of Mr. Widdicombe. Whereupon
Mr. Wlddicombe pulled Mr. Merriman back behind him, saying,
" I never follow the fool." " Don't you?" Mr. Merriman used to
reply. " Then I do." And he followed Wlddicombe. _ Did not Mr.
Merriman treat the question of precedence in a spirit of wisdom
which the gallant officers of "crack" regiments might, but do not
■emulate, in discussing that subject ?
HABITUAL CRIMINALS BILL OP COMPLAINT.
Mr. Punch,
Letter-writing not being in my line, I've got a perfcssional
Gent, who makes his living by it (beging pardon of the "Mendicity,"
that is when they'll let him) to put my ideas on paper for me, in order
that you and other gentlemen of enlitened minds and libral principals
may know what me and my Friends think of a certain act of parley-
meat, as effecting a vast and powerfull (so far as mussells is concerned)
class of society.
Mr. Punch. I don't mind telling; you, now I'm obleeged to shut up
Shon, that I'm a Teacher of theiving. I hartily wish I could have sold
my Practice, but it ain't worth tupence now, and it's too late to go
into the reglar joint stock business or open a bank (unless it was with
a crow-barr). As therefore I can't do nothing in my native country I
must go abroad where the liberty of the subject is respected as it ought
to be. But how am I to go without Funds ? Every body else whose
livelyhood is taken away by a lot, of Bighothed ledgislaters has com-
pensation given them. Why didn't the home sec. put a clawse in his
bill to make some prevision for us ? Next season I understand we are
to have a compulsery Education skerne thrust upou us. Why that'll
be worser than this. We shan't have a chance of getting a Prentice:
then, for our motto is "catch your hare early in the morning" (a
Prentice is a hare—in Newgate he's jug'd hare). Unless you have a
boy in training as soon as lie can use his hooks and eyes you will never
make a thief of him what '11 be worth a heriu?.
If boys is made to go to School till they 're 10 or 12 year old, their
Fingers won't be lissome enough for the Pocket, and another thing
Education makes boys Superstitious, and further than that, they get
too knowing. They see that Thriving after all is a losing game—that
it don't pay in the Long Pun, so far as the lower orders is concerned,
even if it pays us Trainers what get a commission and run no risk.
I do hope the home sec. will see what he can do for us and pay our
expenses to America. Sweep a crossing I never will—no, L '11 beg my
bread from door to door first,—neither will I go to the Union, for there
the mean creatures require you to pick okum, and I hate work as a rat
hates pison. -jours, See.
The Crib, Monday Morning. Jimmy.
p.s. My learned friend proposes that I should start a paper and show
up the Swell Mob. But I scorn such a shabby act, to avoid starvation,
leastways that,'11 he my last Dodge. I do abhor Ingratitude, and am
disgusted with that short but miry cut to Mint Street.—J.
CUTTING DOWN CLERKS.
Mr. Baxter is of opinion that the country maintains " scores of
useless clerks." Very likely it does. That is an indisputable reason
for not tilling up their vacated places. The country maintains a great
many officials who are of no use. It maintains useless bishops, parsons,
lawyers, military and naval officers. Mr. Baxter does not propose
the abolition of their stipends and pay. So the Post need not appre-
hend that he proposes the dismissal and disendowment of the useless,
but engaged clerks. He scorns the suggestion of discharging scores
of clerks uncompensated, as he would scorn that of wiping out, milk-
scores unpaid. He knows that, the uselessness of useless clerks ought
to have been considered by those who hired them on the country's
behalf. Of course he no more thinks of pauperising ex-clerks than of
stopping the pensions which ex-Ministers may be entitled to. Mr.
Baxter's views are the reverse of mean, cruel, unjust, and selfish.
For the sake of au inappreciably fractional relief of the taxpayer, who
would dream of turning poor clerks out of their situations to starve ?
Nobody but an unfeeling economical prig ; and there is no such person
in the Cabinet. Her Majesty's present Ministers are not the men to
reduce other placemen to beggary with the sole view of currying favour
with the British Public and keeping themselves iti office. There is no
fear, therefore, that they will deal more hardly with useless clerks than
by making use of them.
THE WAY THROUGH CLARENCE GATE.
So, Mrs. Prescott excludes the British Public from the Roehampton
entrance to Richmond Park, by barring them out of Clarence Lane!
Well, she can do what she likes with her own. For no Railway Com-
pany has as yet been authorised to spoil Clarence Lane and Richmond
Park too by laying down a line in the former to traverse the latter,
if this Vandalism had been legalised, Dame Prescott would have
been obliged to sell her lane to the Railway-men at a valuation. The
other day, it appears she exercised her right of ownership by excluding
the Chief Commissioner of Works. Had not Dame Prescott better
agree quickly with her adversaries (Layard and the British Public)
whilst she is in the way with them ; lest, ere this time twelvemonths, a
special Act of Parliament, compel her to surrender Clarence Lane to
the Government on terms to be dictated by a Metropolitan Jury.
Beales v. Jermer.
An agitation, which it is not too much to call wicked, considering
its probable results among the uneducated, has been got up agaiust
Vaccination. Mr. Punch rejoices to say that the movement has re-
ceived its death-blow. The Noble Beales has observed the crisis.
Resolved to do something which should stamp the agitation as utterly
ludicrous, and should make it impossible for a rational person to speak
gravely of it, Mr. Beales has patriotically joined it. A bolder, kinder,
better-timed act, is not upon record. Let this reformer's motto be,
" Emancipate the Small-Pox ! "
Elegant Writing.
A Lancashire journal, describing a scene of confusion at the railway
after a people's holiday at Alton Towers, says : —
w But for the humane and hercu'.anean efforts of Lord Shrewsbury,
there would have been disaster."
Herculanean is a noble word, pnd we compliment the Vesuvian
narrator, who had probably had a drop of the crater.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
103
A CONVERT TO CHIGNONS.
Mr. Punch,
All your readers — "who also read their Shakspeare— are
familiar with King Lear's pathetic exclamation:—
" I am a very foolish, fond old man."
Though not yet quite "fourscore and. upward," and always I believe
in my " perfect mind," at least as much as other people, I may well
borro w for myself that confession of Lear. Paternal fondness for young
ladies is one of my many weaknesses, insomuch that I am excessively
interested about them generally, and. especially as regards their per-
sonal appearance, and their dress and the decorations thereunto
ancillary. This is foolish enough to be sure, but I have been even more
foolish than so much so as to trouble my head about matters which
may be supposed not to concern me. I have committed a very gross
■error in judgment, Mr. Punch, respecting these matters. Peccavi! I
■cave in.
Sir, I have been such a fool as to condemn and vituperate chignons.
In ignorance of their sterling merits, 1 allowed myself to be prejudiced
against them by unthinking eyesight. I did not like the look of them,
therefore abused them, and what is worse, tried to disgust_ their
wearers with them by pointing out the sources whence false hair is said
to be derived—fabulouslv !
" lie has no children," is what Macduff could not say of Mr. Punch.
If those children include grown-up daughters of some years standing,
then you know what used to be the cost of bonnets. You know it too
well. You need know it no more.
Sir, I have the honour, the pleasure, the happiness, of being ac-
quainted with a young lady whose bonnets, 1 find, come no dearer
than three shillings or three-and-sixpence a-piece. She makes them
herself—out of a little piece of crape or tulle, and a few artificial
flowers. This tulle is not tulle illusion, no, Sir, tulle at one-and-three
pence a yard, fifteen penn'orth of tulle, dog-cheap, no illusion, and no
mistake.
Now this admirable economy, Mr. Punch, is rendered alone possible
by the chignon. That fashionable superstructure of the upper storey
itself, in fact, constitutes the clothing of the head, thus allowing, or
rather necessitating, a bonnet which is simply decorative. In the case
to which I refer it is Nature's gift; but even a chignon, constituting a
■quasi wig would be so durable as to be comparatively cheap.
Chignons are praiseworthy inventions. No head-dress can possibly
be more becoming than the chignon, it is the most elegant, and cap-
tivating, and the prettiest ever devised. The chignon is more than
graceful when it has that saving grace which charms an old censor like
y°ur Cato.
RATHER A POOL'S QUESTION.
The question which has arisen touching the precedence of the
Household Cavalry over the Royal Horse Artillery will recall to the
nunds of some of Punch's more ancient readers, a scene at Astley's, in
the hippie days of that establishment, which used to occur between
Mr. Widdicombe and the Clown. At the conclusion of one of their
•customary dialogues between the rides, Mr. Merriman proceeded to
make his exit, marching ahead of Mr. Widdicombe. Whereupon
Mr. Wlddicombe pulled Mr. Merriman back behind him, saying,
" I never follow the fool." " Don't you?" Mr. Merriman used to
reply. " Then I do." And he followed Wlddicombe. _ Did not Mr.
Merriman treat the question of precedence in a spirit of wisdom
which the gallant officers of "crack" regiments might, but do not
■emulate, in discussing that subject ?
HABITUAL CRIMINALS BILL OP COMPLAINT.
Mr. Punch,
Letter-writing not being in my line, I've got a perfcssional
Gent, who makes his living by it (beging pardon of the "Mendicity,"
that is when they'll let him) to put my ideas on paper for me, in order
that you and other gentlemen of enlitened minds and libral principals
may know what me and my Friends think of a certain act of parley-
meat, as effecting a vast and powerfull (so far as mussells is concerned)
class of society.
Mr. Punch. I don't mind telling; you, now I'm obleeged to shut up
Shon, that I'm a Teacher of theiving. I hartily wish I could have sold
my Practice, but it ain't worth tupence now, and it's too late to go
into the reglar joint stock business or open a bank (unless it was with
a crow-barr). As therefore I can't do nothing in my native country I
must go abroad where the liberty of the subject is respected as it ought
to be. But how am I to go without Funds ? Every body else whose
livelyhood is taken away by a lot, of Bighothed ledgislaters has com-
pensation given them. Why didn't the home sec. put a clawse in his
bill to make some prevision for us ? Next season I understand we are
to have a compulsery Education skerne thrust upou us. Why that'll
be worser than this. We shan't have a chance of getting a Prentice:
then, for our motto is "catch your hare early in the morning" (a
Prentice is a hare—in Newgate he's jug'd hare). Unless you have a
boy in training as soon as lie can use his hooks and eyes you will never
make a thief of him what '11 be worth a heriu?.
If boys is made to go to School till they 're 10 or 12 year old, their
Fingers won't be lissome enough for the Pocket, and another thing
Education makes boys Superstitious, and further than that, they get
too knowing. They see that Thriving after all is a losing game—that
it don't pay in the Long Pun, so far as the lower orders is concerned,
even if it pays us Trainers what get a commission and run no risk.
I do hope the home sec. will see what he can do for us and pay our
expenses to America. Sweep a crossing I never will—no, L '11 beg my
bread from door to door first,—neither will I go to the Union, for there
the mean creatures require you to pick okum, and I hate work as a rat
hates pison. -jours, See.
The Crib, Monday Morning. Jimmy.
p.s. My learned friend proposes that I should start a paper and show
up the Swell Mob. But I scorn such a shabby act, to avoid starvation,
leastways that,'11 he my last Dodge. I do abhor Ingratitude, and am
disgusted with that short but miry cut to Mint Street.—J.
CUTTING DOWN CLERKS.
Mr. Baxter is of opinion that the country maintains " scores of
useless clerks." Very likely it does. That is an indisputable reason
for not tilling up their vacated places. The country maintains a great
many officials who are of no use. It maintains useless bishops, parsons,
lawyers, military and naval officers. Mr. Baxter does not propose
the abolition of their stipends and pay. So the Post need not appre-
hend that he proposes the dismissal and disendowment of the useless,
but engaged clerks. He scorns the suggestion of discharging scores
of clerks uncompensated, as he would scorn that of wiping out, milk-
scores unpaid. He knows that, the uselessness of useless clerks ought
to have been considered by those who hired them on the country's
behalf. Of course he no more thinks of pauperising ex-clerks than of
stopping the pensions which ex-Ministers may be entitled to. Mr.
Baxter's views are the reverse of mean, cruel, unjust, and selfish.
For the sake of au inappreciably fractional relief of the taxpayer, who
would dream of turning poor clerks out of their situations to starve ?
Nobody but an unfeeling economical prig ; and there is no such person
in the Cabinet. Her Majesty's present Ministers are not the men to
reduce other placemen to beggary with the sole view of currying favour
with the British Public and keeping themselves iti office. There is no
fear, therefore, that they will deal more hardly with useless clerks than
by making use of them.
THE WAY THROUGH CLARENCE GATE.
So, Mrs. Prescott excludes the British Public from the Roehampton
entrance to Richmond Park, by barring them out of Clarence Lane!
Well, she can do what she likes with her own. For no Railway Com-
pany has as yet been authorised to spoil Clarence Lane and Richmond
Park too by laying down a line in the former to traverse the latter,
if this Vandalism had been legalised, Dame Prescott would have
been obliged to sell her lane to the Railway-men at a valuation. The
other day, it appears she exercised her right of ownership by excluding
the Chief Commissioner of Works. Had not Dame Prescott better
agree quickly with her adversaries (Layard and the British Public)
whilst she is in the way with them ; lest, ere this time twelvemonths, a
special Act of Parliament, compel her to surrender Clarence Lane to
the Government on terms to be dictated by a Metropolitan Jury.
Beales v. Jermer.
An agitation, which it is not too much to call wicked, considering
its probable results among the uneducated, has been got up agaiust
Vaccination. Mr. Punch rejoices to say that the movement has re-
ceived its death-blow. The Noble Beales has observed the crisis.
Resolved to do something which should stamp the agitation as utterly
ludicrous, and should make it impossible for a rational person to speak
gravely of it, Mr. Beales has patriotically joined it. A bolder, kinder,
better-timed act, is not upon record. Let this reformer's motto be,
" Emancipate the Small-Pox ! "
Elegant Writing.
A Lancashire journal, describing a scene of confusion at the railway
after a people's holiday at Alton Towers, says : —
w But for the humane and hercu'.anean efforts of Lord Shrewsbury,
there would have been disaster."
Herculanean is a noble word, pnd we compliment the Vesuvian
narrator, who had probably had a drop of the crater.