Punch: Punch (57.1869)

October 30, 1869.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

165

IVIORE HAPPY THOUGHTS.

man " (indicating a short stout man with a florid face and a carpet-bag
in his hand) " has, I think, the pax." I bow, not to the carpet-bag
invalid, but to the Doctor.

Twenty-third appearance of Doctor, and disappearance of Myself.
Interview. Yes, decidedly go abroad. Take baths and waters, and get
the incipient gout out of me. I am quite right (Doctor says) pre-
vention is better than cure. He won't give me a prescription, but an
introduction to a Doctor at the watering-place, which he dashes off
there and then.

Happy Thought.—Pick up some medical notes for physiological
portion of Typ. Bevel.

Commence a discussion with him on Homoeopathic theories as
applied in Allopathic practice. Would it not, I say, in some cases be
allowable ? He replies, " Undoubtedly," and seals up the letter. (He
evidently feels he has no ordinary patient to deal with. 1 can presently
introduce Typical Developments to him: he'll be interested.)
Happy Thought.—draw him out.

The science of medicine, I observe, is in a state of change. The old
practices I suppose (I add) require readaptation to the increasing
knowledge of the present day.
Doctor replies, courteously, " Just so," and opens the door. Most

TV««"ATm'« X"^^TC I annoying, the fee has got out of the paper—or, where the deuce has it

iussaud b, viiiy | „„„„ 8 A mU___j i__r.._ui;— (— +l„ rv~„4-— l„i,l, j-i.„

they re sitting in-
stead of standing.
Some look up, with

T the Doctor's.— Door
is opened, imme-
diately, by a most
respectable gentle-
man (it isn't the
Doctor, of course)
who shows me at
once into a room, and
somehow manages to
show somebody else
out at the front door
at the same time.
And yet he doesn't
seem to move. Odd
and spectral.

In the Waiting-
room. Several people
waiting, like wax-
works, at Madame

gone ? Awkward to be fumbling for fees, while the Doctor holds the
door open. Can't say anything fanny or scientific. I have got the sum
in half a sovereign and silver in my trousers pocket, but that's mixed
one^movement'of'the UP w^ c0ppers ar>d keys ; and I have got studs in my other pocket to
head at me on my ' ^e menc'ed- {Happy Thought.—Everything in separate pockets : have
entrance and then alwavs intended to tell the tailor this.)—I must have lost the fee.
with what they call j Happy Thought—No ! feel it just over my hip bone,
in machinery "a: Hole in pocket; slipped through and got round into lining. Tear,
reverse action, "look recklessly, the pocket lining, and catch the fee. Might make some
down again. '(Query, jocund remark about " Catching a fee."

Do they call it, Doctor smiles courteously, but appears pre-occupied. T can't do the
"Reverse action ?" trick I had arranged about placing the fee on the mantelpiece, as he is
Note ) There are three doors to the room. One by which I entered; looking. On the table or in his hand ?
from one of the other two the Doctor will appear, or we shall go to j Happy Thought.—On the table.

him. Which ? ! Am just about to do it, when it strikes me, being in white paper, it

Happy Thought—-Sit as near the middle as possible, by table. looks too staring.

Door on my right opens. Doctor looks in, says nothing, takes Happy Thought.—-Pass it into my other hand (by a sort of legerde-
away an elderly lady. Wonder what's the matter with her? Open a main) and when saying good bye, press it on him, secretly, as much as
volume of Punch, commence looking at the pictures vaguely. Door to say, " don't tell anybody."
opens again. Can't be my turn ? No. Doctor takes off a middle-aged Do it. Good bye, and leave.

man with his arm in a sling. Wonder what's the matter vfithhim? As I walk along the street.—Wish I hadn't done it in this manner:
Rather expect to hear cries and screams in the distance: everything bad taste. 1 should like to have done it in a less underhand way.
mysteriously quiet. We are fetched, one after another, like victims For instance, to have said, jovially, "Here! what's this!" holding
for the guillotine. (I make notes while I am sitting here. Note. \ up fee, " There, take that, you rascal," playfully, and adding, "I'm
Was it for the guillotine where the victims sat ail in a room and were very much obliged for your advice. Bless you, good bye, my boy,"
called out one after the other ? or was it something in Japan ? Look and so go out whistling.

it up when I get home.) Open another volume of Punch. Doctor Happy Thought.—-To my Handbook of Repartees will add Conver-

wants somebody else. sations and Interviews.

Happy Thought.—My turn. | Odd, just as I've thought of this, I find myself in front of a Book-

No. Old lady and her companion (evidently a companion) have seller's shop. In the window is a red-book, Manual of Conversations in

been waiting there nearly an hour. I French, English, German, and Italian.

Happy Thought.—To try and catch the Doctor's eye next time he \ Happy Thought.—Bi.y it. Most useful. And can work up my own

looks in. from it, when travelling.

Throw into my eye an expression which will say to him, " Never Full of the idea. When I am full of an idea, I should like to dash

mind these people, let me come; I'm worth your trouble. Can't waste it off in the street. If we lived in a literary age, and in a literary town,

time like they can, being engaged on a great work, Typical Develop- there might be writing-desks, with pens and ink chained to them (as

merits'' _ they did the Bibles in the Parish Churches) at the corner of the

Doctor looks in again. Arranged my eye : not quickly enough, as I streets. Enter. Pay a halfpenny Write down idea, stop and de-

didn't catch his. A gentleman and a little boy disappear into the velope it if you like ; then go on again. If another idea strikes you on

sanctum. I open another volume of Punch. During the morning I the same walk, another halfpenny will, as it were, register it there and

read fi ve volumes of Punch, and for an hour and a half I am perpetually then.

attempting to catch the Doctor's eye. Go to Willis's. Pack up. Say good bye to Rawlinson. Cazell

Doctor looks in for the twentieth time (I count them, and also keep j has just been there. A card. " If you '11 dine with me and Chilvern
on looking at my watch, with a sort of idea that if the people see me chez club, Mtlburd and another fellow coming, we'll all go together
doing this they '11 say to themselves, "He's a man of business, got to Antwerp by boat to-morrow."
appointments, wants to be off; let him go first.") Happy Thought[.—Will dine with Cazell.

Happy Thought.—¥ eel if my fee is all right in waistcoat pocket. —^====——====-
It is. Arrange a little drama with myself as to hoiv I '11 give the fee.
Let the Doctor see it, then, when he's not looking, place it on the ; « Bishop Temple is for Suppressing the Trade in Liquors."
mantel-piece; sort of conjuring trick. When I'm gone he'll say,

" Where's he put the fee ? " Joy on discovering it. End of drama,
and enter another patient.

Happy Thought.—Twenty-first appearance of Doctor's head at door.
Jump up—at him.

I hear a rustle behind me of several people, and a murmur. Tall
lady in black is by my side, in a second, protesting. I give in. Tall
lady retires with Doctor. Feel I've done something rude. Never
mind, show 1 'm not to be trifled with. I take a seat, defiantly now,

How keenly these Exeter Bishops endeavour
To prove they belong to such different lots ;
As the creed of the old one was " Philpotts for ever !
The cry of the new one is " Never fill pots ! "

Old Ways not always the Best.

Theue are people, people too of judgment and experience—Govern-
near the door. j ment Inspectors, for example—who are confident that fatal railway

Happy Thought.—Next time must be mine. j accidents would be much less frequent if what is known as the block

Twenty-second appearance of Doctor's head. My turn? Doctor | system were generally adopted. But, for all that, Companies persist in
speaks this time most politely, " my turn next," he says ; " this gentle- I sticking to the present, or blockhead system.