DOI Heft:
January 1, 1870
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16884#0271
262
PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 1, 1870.
SKITTLES.
by a plebeian.
They 'ye done it. 'Tis the final hounce as basts the camel's back.
I've stood from Peelers lots of chaff, and now and then a whack.
They 've stopped my beer o' Sundays—laid embargo on. ray wittles ;
And I submitted meekly. But I draws the line at skittles.
I ain't no ways addicted to aristocratic sins,
But if I have a weakness, it's a J iking for the pins ;
Yet even this, my fav'rite game, I owns as I do not
Appreciate, except the stake's a foaming pewter pot.
But that's tabooed. Now mark my words, although T ain't a bandit,
Or even a A.O. Forester, we're not a going to stand it.
Stop Skittles, and you'll rouse a hopposition to your rule,
Compared with which the Fenian Movement's nothing but a fool.
I haven't joined the working men who 'se called Conservative,
But I'll go in for loyalty with any chap alive.
And thus I warn you, 'Zekiel-like, you '11 soon find out how brittle's
The links that bind a social state wot interferes with Skittles.
Yes, as I write, across my hoperative bosom steals
A wild desire to join my lot with Bra.dla.tjgh and with Beales ;
To greet the maddest Irisher, or Yankee cove as whittles,
And form a Confraternity—for Liberty and Skittles.
Sundays and week-days, swells at clubs they drinks their wine, we
know it.
They keep their games up all night long, and freely we say "Go it."
We don't want you made moral by the P'leece, and werry little's
The liberty we ask in turn—only our beer and Skittles.
You set us the example in the self-denyin' line,
When that " Association" 'a started, possibly 1 '11 jine.
For, though I don't give any heed to tattles or to tittles,
1 once heard some aristocrats was very fond of Skittles.
So all you Halcieiadeses, here I draws the line
Of quietness, you go your way, and just let me go mine.
You keep your 'osses, cards and dice, cigars, and, wine, and wittles,
But don't denige the working-man his pipe and beer and Skittles.
SAYINGS ADAPTED TO THE SEASON.
Every one for his neighbour, and Heaven over all for himself.
Other people's preservation is the first law of Nature.
First always take care of Number Two.
I will want era thou shalt want.
Fast and let feast.
One good turn deserves a million.
A penny given is a penny got.
Be generous before you are careful.
Fork out and fear not.
Those who ask shall have some, and those who don't ask shall be
pressed to take some.
Of all my mother's children, most love the rest I bear ;
And so that they're provided for, the Doose for me may care.
THE PROSPECTS OF THE POPPY.
So, the Indian revenue comes short by £400,000 in consequence of a
fall in the price of opium ! How is the depreciation which has befallen
that narcotic to be accounted for ? Very likely it has been caused by
the decline of Mahometanism, whence Mussulmans may have exten-
sively abjured opium together with thin potations, and addicted them-
selves to beer, and other generous liquors, instead of it. But the
opium-growers, and the Indian Government need not altogether
despond. If the United Kingdom Alliance succeed in destroying the
British liquor-trade, the consequence of their triumph will in all proba-
bility be an immensely increased consumption of opium in the United
Kingdom. When exhilarating beverages shall have been banished
from the Christmas banquet of the future, people who have eaten as
much roast beef and plum-pudding as they can, will then sit after
dinner opium-eating, or drinking laudanum. But will not black drop
be even worse than blue ruin ?
Good old Soul.
Mrs. Malaprop's feeling heart is full of pity this Christmas for
those poor " Suffering " Bishops she hears people talking about. She
is knitting them some warm socks.
THE MONARCH, H.B.M. SHIP OF WAR, AND THE PLY-
MOUTH, U.S.N. CORVETTE, SAIL WITH THE BODY
OF GEORGE PEABODY.
Monday, Bee. 20, 1869.
War-ships e'er now have veiled their warlike state,
And hid their bravery in mourning grey,
To bear across the sea a funeral freight—
Great admiral, or great captain, passed away.
But now what admiral's, what captain's, bier
Doth our majestic Monarch bear o'er sea,
That thus in ashen-grey she shrouds her gear,
And half-mast flies her flag thus mourningly ?
Wherefore this mortuary chapel fair
Above this coffin, with immortelles crowned,
These stalwart sailors with bowed heads and bare,
In an unwonted death-watch ranged around ?
Some mighty man of war this needs must be,
Thus by an English war-ship gravewards borne,
In a Columbian war-ship's company—
One whom two nations wreathe their flags to mourn!
He was a warrior—thus proudly borne,
Tkus proudly convoyed o'er sea to his grave,
But one whose battle-fields no scroll adorn
Where fame writes the achievements of the brave.
He fought the silent fight with want and woe,
They fight whose right-hand knoweth not the deed
Their left-hand doeth, who no trumpet blow,
Assert no merit, and demand no meed.
A captain in the warfare, under Christ
Captain in chief—'gainst suffering and sin.
Who in love's strength, unpricing, and unpriced,
Went forth, his victory over these to win !
On such a Warrior's body it seems well
That Old World's war-ship with New World's attend,
Augury of the time when love shall quell
Warfare to peace, and turn each foe to friend.
INFORMATION WANTED.
A paragraph detailing the final arrangements (as then contem-
plated) for the new Bishop's reception at Exeter, concluded with the
following rather puzzling announcement:—
" It is said that the clergy of Exeter will present an address to his Lordship,
and that the rural dean of Christianity—who has taken a conspicuous part in
opposing his election—will be called upon, by virtue of his office, to pre-
sent it."
Will some one possessing local knowledge be good enough to say
who the Rural Dean of "Christianity" is, and what are the geo-
graphical boundaries of his ruri-diaconate, and how he looked when
presenting an address (of course, of congratulation) to the Bishop
whose election he had " taken a conspicuous part in opposing " ?
New Bulls v. Old Cows.
At the Thames Police Court Mr. Benson has condemned the owner
and vendor of a quantity of old Irish Cow Beef to penalties for selling
meat unfit for human consumption. This should be a warning to all
whom it may concern, that though new Irish bulls may be introduced
freely, and even be relished in this country, there is no toleration for
old Irish cows on this side St. George's Channel.
Gems and Beads for Beauty.
Mistletoe berries are pretty as pearls;
Berries of holly beat coral:
O, and so much less expensive, my girls!
Dearest ones, draw your own moral.
not permissible.
Does Sir F. Lycett understand Latin ? If so, we only wish to ask
him one question, a propos of the Southwark election, and to suggest
the answer. Licetne Liberates dividere ? Non Licet.
PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 1, 1870.
SKITTLES.
by a plebeian.
They 'ye done it. 'Tis the final hounce as basts the camel's back.
I've stood from Peelers lots of chaff, and now and then a whack.
They 've stopped my beer o' Sundays—laid embargo on. ray wittles ;
And I submitted meekly. But I draws the line at skittles.
I ain't no ways addicted to aristocratic sins,
But if I have a weakness, it's a J iking for the pins ;
Yet even this, my fav'rite game, I owns as I do not
Appreciate, except the stake's a foaming pewter pot.
But that's tabooed. Now mark my words, although T ain't a bandit,
Or even a A.O. Forester, we're not a going to stand it.
Stop Skittles, and you'll rouse a hopposition to your rule,
Compared with which the Fenian Movement's nothing but a fool.
I haven't joined the working men who 'se called Conservative,
But I'll go in for loyalty with any chap alive.
And thus I warn you, 'Zekiel-like, you '11 soon find out how brittle's
The links that bind a social state wot interferes with Skittles.
Yes, as I write, across my hoperative bosom steals
A wild desire to join my lot with Bra.dla.tjgh and with Beales ;
To greet the maddest Irisher, or Yankee cove as whittles,
And form a Confraternity—for Liberty and Skittles.
Sundays and week-days, swells at clubs they drinks their wine, we
know it.
They keep their games up all night long, and freely we say "Go it."
We don't want you made moral by the P'leece, and werry little's
The liberty we ask in turn—only our beer and Skittles.
You set us the example in the self-denyin' line,
When that " Association" 'a started, possibly 1 '11 jine.
For, though I don't give any heed to tattles or to tittles,
1 once heard some aristocrats was very fond of Skittles.
So all you Halcieiadeses, here I draws the line
Of quietness, you go your way, and just let me go mine.
You keep your 'osses, cards and dice, cigars, and, wine, and wittles,
But don't denige the working-man his pipe and beer and Skittles.
SAYINGS ADAPTED TO THE SEASON.
Every one for his neighbour, and Heaven over all for himself.
Other people's preservation is the first law of Nature.
First always take care of Number Two.
I will want era thou shalt want.
Fast and let feast.
One good turn deserves a million.
A penny given is a penny got.
Be generous before you are careful.
Fork out and fear not.
Those who ask shall have some, and those who don't ask shall be
pressed to take some.
Of all my mother's children, most love the rest I bear ;
And so that they're provided for, the Doose for me may care.
THE PROSPECTS OF THE POPPY.
So, the Indian revenue comes short by £400,000 in consequence of a
fall in the price of opium ! How is the depreciation which has befallen
that narcotic to be accounted for ? Very likely it has been caused by
the decline of Mahometanism, whence Mussulmans may have exten-
sively abjured opium together with thin potations, and addicted them-
selves to beer, and other generous liquors, instead of it. But the
opium-growers, and the Indian Government need not altogether
despond. If the United Kingdom Alliance succeed in destroying the
British liquor-trade, the consequence of their triumph will in all proba-
bility be an immensely increased consumption of opium in the United
Kingdom. When exhilarating beverages shall have been banished
from the Christmas banquet of the future, people who have eaten as
much roast beef and plum-pudding as they can, will then sit after
dinner opium-eating, or drinking laudanum. But will not black drop
be even worse than blue ruin ?
Good old Soul.
Mrs. Malaprop's feeling heart is full of pity this Christmas for
those poor " Suffering " Bishops she hears people talking about. She
is knitting them some warm socks.
THE MONARCH, H.B.M. SHIP OF WAR, AND THE PLY-
MOUTH, U.S.N. CORVETTE, SAIL WITH THE BODY
OF GEORGE PEABODY.
Monday, Bee. 20, 1869.
War-ships e'er now have veiled their warlike state,
And hid their bravery in mourning grey,
To bear across the sea a funeral freight—
Great admiral, or great captain, passed away.
But now what admiral's, what captain's, bier
Doth our majestic Monarch bear o'er sea,
That thus in ashen-grey she shrouds her gear,
And half-mast flies her flag thus mourningly ?
Wherefore this mortuary chapel fair
Above this coffin, with immortelles crowned,
These stalwart sailors with bowed heads and bare,
In an unwonted death-watch ranged around ?
Some mighty man of war this needs must be,
Thus by an English war-ship gravewards borne,
In a Columbian war-ship's company—
One whom two nations wreathe their flags to mourn!
He was a warrior—thus proudly borne,
Tkus proudly convoyed o'er sea to his grave,
But one whose battle-fields no scroll adorn
Where fame writes the achievements of the brave.
He fought the silent fight with want and woe,
They fight whose right-hand knoweth not the deed
Their left-hand doeth, who no trumpet blow,
Assert no merit, and demand no meed.
A captain in the warfare, under Christ
Captain in chief—'gainst suffering and sin.
Who in love's strength, unpricing, and unpriced,
Went forth, his victory over these to win !
On such a Warrior's body it seems well
That Old World's war-ship with New World's attend,
Augury of the time when love shall quell
Warfare to peace, and turn each foe to friend.
INFORMATION WANTED.
A paragraph detailing the final arrangements (as then contem-
plated) for the new Bishop's reception at Exeter, concluded with the
following rather puzzling announcement:—
" It is said that the clergy of Exeter will present an address to his Lordship,
and that the rural dean of Christianity—who has taken a conspicuous part in
opposing his election—will be called upon, by virtue of his office, to pre-
sent it."
Will some one possessing local knowledge be good enough to say
who the Rural Dean of "Christianity" is, and what are the geo-
graphical boundaries of his ruri-diaconate, and how he looked when
presenting an address (of course, of congratulation) to the Bishop
whose election he had " taken a conspicuous part in opposing " ?
New Bulls v. Old Cows.
At the Thames Police Court Mr. Benson has condemned the owner
and vendor of a quantity of old Irish Cow Beef to penalties for selling
meat unfit for human consumption. This should be a warning to all
whom it may concern, that though new Irish bulls may be introduced
freely, and even be relished in this country, there is no toleration for
old Irish cows on this side St. George's Channel.
Gems and Beads for Beauty.
Mistletoe berries are pretty as pearls;
Berries of holly beat coral:
O, and so much less expensive, my girls!
Dearest ones, draw your own moral.
not permissible.
Does Sir F. Lycett understand Latin ? If so, we only wish to ask
him one question, a propos of the Southwark election, and to suggest
the answer. Licetne Liberates dividere ? Non Licet.