Punch (59.1870)

70

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 20, 1870.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

ugust 6, Saturday. " Courage, lads,
1 see land! " as the ancient sage
remarked when he had been boring
his disciples by reading a dull book
aloud to them, and at last drew near
the end thereof. Here beginneth the
last chronicle of the Session.

But first note that this Sixth, of
August, 1870, will be one of the Days
of History — a Punctum TempoHs.
For on this Saturday did the Ger-
mans, under the Crown Prince en-
gage 1 he French at Woerth, and after
a battle that endured all day (splen-
did valour being shown on both sides),
the Germans routed the French. On
the same day, moreover, General
Steinmetz also routed them near
Forbach. Certain glimmerings of
great political significance began to
dawn upon Europe.

To return to our Sheep. Lords
and Commons both met, and passed
many Bills. Among them the Meet-
ing of Parliament at Six Days'
Notice Bill, which Mr. Punch fervently hopes may become a remark-
ably defunct Dead Letter.

Monday. Foreign Minister Lord Granville explained that England
had proposed to Prussia and to Kranee that they should enter into
treaty with her that if either the King or the Emperor should violate
the neutrality of Belgium, England should act with the other against
the Violator. This is to hold good for a year afrer peace shall be
made, and then we go back to the Treaty of 1839. Both Powers
assented. Now will anybody say that England—vide our last Cartoon—
did not mean what she said when she said to Belgium, " Trust me " ?
It is agreeable to know that the Belgians are much pleased with us,
and have warmly thanked our good Queen.

The Ecclesiastical Titles Bill had been so altered by the Lords that
the Commons had to alter it back again, and, the former cleaving to
their amendments, the Government withdrew the Bill. So Catholic
ecclesiastics are still exposed to the hideous tyranny under which they
have been groaning for so many years, and are as liable as before to be
burned, incarcerated, compelled to hide in the "Priest's Hole," and
generally to be persecuted for religion.

Prime Minister, Mr. Gladstone, made a statement similar to that
of Lord Granville.

It was finally decided that the next; Census shall be Irreligious.
Mr. Punch wonders whether there will be, this time, any Fanatic who
will refuse to make a return, because King David was punished for
numbering his people.

The Commons agreed to the Lords' decision, on the Clerical Dis-
abilities Bill, that a clergyman who has left the Church shall not be
allowed to come back again. Non licet bis errare is a rule of war, but
it is a new thing to apply it to the tortuosities of theology. However,
the Bishops know best, or it is their business to know best.

Tuesday. Sir Robert Collier, At torney-General, becomes Recorder
of Bristol. New writ—but the Conservatives do not oppose his re-elec-
tion. Let the bells ring out for him in Bristol's loyal town, and ere the
day let three hundred horse meet him on Clifton down, if they like and
he likes, though we don't see the slightest reason for the operation.
Ha! ha! We wax jolly, at the thought of the end of the Session.

Mr. Jacob Bright and Sir Wilfbid Lawson objected to our
engagement to defend Belgium. But Mr. Peter Taylor (and we re-

i'oice to shake hands with him before he goes to Leicester, or wherever
le lives) made as sound and manly a speech in favour of England's
doing her duty and keeping her word, as we deMre to hear. We
hereby forgive him all his two-penny grievances about Hogged cads
and the like, and slap him affably on the shoulder :

"So the Proud Tavlor goes marching away."

Wednesday. The Lords had a Belgian debate, by way of whet to the

Lord Stratford de Redcliffe (an authority), the Duke of
Cleveland, and Lord Shaftesbury (is this excellent nobleman
pleased that Protestantism is scoring honours ?) highly approved of the
Treaty.

In the Commons, Mr. Gladstone said that Count Bernstorff had
signed for North Germany, and that M. Lavalette would signassoou
as a formal power (since arrived) should come. There was a discus-
sion—we cannot blame Honourable Gentlemen for taking the last op-
portunity for a talk, but we should blame ourselves very considerably
if we obtruded such talk on an impatient Universe that is watching
battles. Suffice it to say, that those whose words have weight approved
what Ministers had done.

At two o'clock the signal was given, and a few minutes later, Lord
Chancellor Hatherley had delivered the Royal Speech. It was as
brief as was compatible with dignity.

The Queen made befitting reference to the War, and to the Pain
and Grief with which She witnessed it. Her Majesty adverted to Her
exertions to prevent it, noted her Declaration of Neutrality, and
described the Belgian Treaty.

The Sovereign alluded to the Greek atrocities, and Mr. Punch regrets
that she was not advised to say something stronger. Her unremitting
efforts would be directed to secure complete iuquiry. [Please pour
Majesty, we have been hearing of this for months. May we respectfully
say that your Majesty's subjects do not expect to see Greece permitted to^
sneak out of the affair, merely because she is a miserable little country,
and two great nations are thundering in battle.']

Our Monarch thanked the Commons for their liberality, and for the
additional grant of money for 20,000 new troops.

The Lady of the Land acknowledged the value of the labours that
have created

The Irish Land Act.

The Education Act.

[Excuse us, your Majesty, but permit us to say " Hooray /" and to
add a cheer for Mr. Forster.]

The Naturalisation Act.

The Extradition of Criminal* Act.

The Improvement of the Enlistment System Act.

Finally Queen Victoria "bide Parliament farewell for the recess,
with the earnest prayer that when it, should be again summoned, She
might be enabled to rejoice with it on the re-establishment of peace on
the Continent of Europe."

[So map it be. Madam, and the prayer is that of a good Queen and ft.
kind Lady. But there is stern work to be done before that day cf
rejoicing.]

Thus endeth the "arduous" Session. Mr. Punch began to preach
a sermon to those whose fatal dislike of the Silences has made the
Session about three times as arduous as was necessary. But

." Ere he had said
His prelude through, the uncourteous souls had fled."

Therefore he will remark, as did the Irish Manager to the thin house,
"As there's nobody there, I dismiss you all." To the moor, to the hill,
to the sea ! and may we not meet again until February. Potaturus vos-
saluto .' adds Mr. Punch, pensively handing to his printer the last lines-
of this Session's

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

A DIAPHORETIC DAY.

My cheek, but not my cheek alone,

My brow was also bathed in tears,
The weather had so sultry grown,

And they rau down my nose and ears.
A heavy haze obscured the sky,

Through which the sun by fits did glare;
I met a doctor, and, said I,

"There's James's Powder in the air."

Highly Respectable Liquor.

"Claret Medoc, with bottled character." So says a placard on a
shop-window. We all know that ir. is as important for a wine to have
a character as it is for a servant; but many of us now learn, for the

prorogation. Lord Cairns cordially approved the object of the new ^uaracuer as n, is lor a s™,; uu, many u ™ «

TrP^tv hnt rfmihtpH thP ™;erl„m nfi .,l„.mpnt whi ™;„hf first tlme> that it can be bottled. How is tbe thing done ; for this

Treaty, but doubted the wisdom of an arrangement which might expose
us to awkward complications. Suppose a skilful strategist, in order to
get England on his side, compelled his adversary to violate the Belgian
soil ? And suppose both violated it ?

Lord Granville did not see how the skilful strategist was to
manage such a stroke. He did not believe that either King or Em-
peror would, after a solemn treaty with us, proceed to break it. We
did not weaken the Treaty of 1839, but confirm it. Belgium had not
been consulted in the matter, as we did not want to compromise her,
but she had been apprised of the plan, and applauded it.

feat, this new bottle-trick, seems almost to be beyond even modern
ingenuity, and ought certainly, if practicable, to be a patented inven-
tion ? Let us hope one thing, that if the wine's character is bottled, it
is not " corked " also._

in a great state of alarm.

There is one class of objects which always make Mrs. Malaprop
feel very nervous when she goes to the Kensington Museum—the
terror cottas.