Punch (59.1870)

November 5, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

187

SENSITIVE.

" I think I told YOU, IN MY LETTER OF THE ElRST OF OCTOBER, OF HIS ABSURD INTERPRETATION OF AN INNOCENT REMARK OF
mine ABOUT the sandy SHORES OF WoBBLESWICK. well, would YOU BELIEVE it, dear ! WE WERE STROLLING ON THE ESPLANADE,
THE OTHER day, WHEN he SUDDENLY LEFT katb and me, and took HIMSELF OFF in a TREMENDOUS HUFF BECAUSE WE said WE

liked Walking with an Object !! " [Extract from a later Letter of Laura's to Lillie.

FALL OF FORTIFICATIONS.

Hooray. Mr. Punch. Hooray! Good news ! There is now some
prospect of a termination to the long eclipse of taste. The Morning
Post observes:—

" "With the investment of Paris and the removal of the Empress the doom
of French rule in the world of fashion seems to be pronounced as completely
as in the world of politics. At least, in Germany the imitation of France has
come to an end. ... As a first fruit, chignons have been sacrificed by
the German ladies."

The proper study of mankind is man, especially woman. Its most
important branch I hold to be Phrenology. Now, for some years past,
there has been a grievous obstacle in the way of phrenological obser-
vation respecting the better half of mankind. It has been formed
partly by the chignon, situated so as to constitute a false Philo-
progenitiveness (love of infants, kittens, or puppies), partly by the
natural hair piled in turrets and fortifications over all the organs of the
moral sentiments, and brought down over the forehead so as to hide
the intellectual organs in the style of a charity-girl in Hogarth's
time, or after the manner represented in the portraits of Catherine
Hates (burnt for murdering her husband). To examine a young lady's
head by inspection was impossible ; it was necessary to take down the
superstructure on her upper storey, too often only to discover that it
concealed nothing to speak of but large Love of Approbation, which,
uncombined with Ideality, and undirected by intelligence, rendered
her the slave of fashion, and grotesque. It is some consolation for the
horrid display of Combativeness and Destructiveness of which France
has made her soil the arena, to hope that the fall of the chignon and its
adjoining fortifications will soon follow that of Metz. I am, Sir, a
disciple of Gall and Spurzheim, at your service, and, when called by
my nickname, Jeremiah Bumps.

Motto for the Irish Ambulance.—11 Walker."

THE STOCKS MARKET.

At Newton, in Devonshire, the Magistrates are stated to have an-
nounced that they intend, in future, to set in the stocks all drunkards
who cannot pay a fine. This is a step in the right direction, but Punch
does not like the condition. The Scots rhyme goes—

" Gin he have not gold to fine,
He hath shins to pine."

But is not this what cant-mongers love to call one law for the rich
and another for the poor ? Why should a man be able to take out a
five-shilling licence to make himself a nuisance ? Let us have no fines.
When " 0, he was tipsy !" ceases to be an extenuating plea in Eng-
land, better times will come. By the way, England, by the last
returns, has only one drunkard for three in Ireland. Unless this means
that in Ireland the tipsy man is prosecuted, while in England he is not,
the fact is worth notice. Meantime, the Stocks, by all manner of
means, but let Knight Hudibras sit by the side of Squire Ralpho.
Somebody writes that the Magistrates exceed their lawful power.
Let 'em, and Punch will get an Indemnity Act passed.

Patterns and Checks.

A Distinguished silk firm announces " a new Seriatim plan of
sending patterns by post." Ladies are invited to write for them. So
long as the arrivals are only patterns, all well and good; but if pur-
chases are to follow in the same way, we fancy that Paterfamilias will
be reminded of the late Mr. Joseph Hume : " Joking is all very well,
but now I speak seriatim''

making progress.

A Spiritualist friend of ours, who was having his hair cut, was
delighted at being asked whether he would like a Medium Brush.