Punch (59.1870)

December 10, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 241

CHARMING MILITARY SUGGESTION.

Oman's Wakeare"
is the title of the
following letter,
addressed to the
Post. It contains
a suggestion which
comes very natu-
rally from one of
the better half of
mankind:—

"Sir,—So intense
is my interest in,
and sympathy for,
the French, that, in
spite of myself, I
keep turning in my
mind every pos-
sible and impossible
means by which
they could get the

advantage over their exacting foe. It has just occurred to me that if some

night they were to let loose upon the Prussians all the wild animals of the ^ vemmm uua tie u

Jardin des Plantes, it would spread terror and dismay among their ranks, as ; * ace Bear s hug ana hustle

well as secure a certain diminution of their number. I would suggest that Ana -dismakck. s war-muscle .

the animals should be kept with little or no food for some days previously, so
that they might be well disposed to do the State good service. This proposal
may not be exactly in accordance with the Articles of War, but these are not
times to stand upon punctilio, and ' in love and war all stratagems are admig-
sible.' Will you kindly give this letter a place in your journal, and thereby
much oblige a warm friend of France ? M. A. C."

A RHYME FOE THE TIME.

{J la Mill, if not a la Bull )

Why shouldn't Gortschakopf
Treaties a tort shake off,
Ships from Turks' ports take off,
With Black Sea forts make off?

Pray think, Odo Russell,
If it came to a tussle,
With the Russ and the Pruss all,
And, to boot, Yankee " muss " all,
It might go with us ill.

Safe John Bull would nuzzle,
Stick to shop, gain, and guzzle,
And eschew broil and bustle,
And let Turkey turn Russ all,
E'er, muzzle to muzzle,
About a cramp puzzle
Of Gentium Jus he '11

Shall Granville fire Gladstone
To challenge, in lad's tone,
And talk in mad rad's tone,
Of flinging war's sad stone,
if the Czar take his dad's tone ?

Prithee, Gladstone, check Gbanville,

Of the Old British Lion
The Young one's no scion ;
The main chance he's an eye on,
And himself can't rely on

Of course no lady, except the kind of one commonly called " the old
soldier," can be expected to see the practical difficulties which forbid wt I R , . - ..

the trial of a wild beast's battalion for warlike purposes. No man can ^ hl[e -dull on his anvil,

wonder that "M. A. C." overlooks the probability that the denizens .b,wor.ds and rifles by vanlul

of the Jardin des Plantes, if turned loose upon the Prussians, would, -to ploughshares beats, manlul

at least as soon as they got under fire, most likely turn tail and attack
their proprietors the Parisians, unless Genekal Trochu caused them
all to have firebrands tied to their tails, like Samson's foxes. It can
scarcely be conceived to have occurred to her that probably the car-
nivora in the Parisian Zoological Gardens are nearlv all starved by this

time, if they have not been eaten. Nor, as she is " a warm friend to I [he, '°,e V ,!fT 1°, fly onj-

France," could her head even be imagined to have ever been entered And the field he d once die on,

by the moral consideration that the "exacting foe," who is merely Ke now W0Uid shy on.

seeking to exact security that the other foe, who attacked him first, s // t ff a t ^le_

shall not again commit a breach of the peace, is not, of the two foes, n h rin" 'i)T,«p!fi

i he one upon whom it would be the rather fitting to set loose wild beasts. u ao> UD0 -CUJSSELL ■

But, putting these and the like oversights aside, every well-constituted
mind must see what a happy thing it would be for humanity if it were
possible that the nations who delight in war could, when they assail
those who detest it, be encountered not with men, but with savage and
ferocious brutes, like themselves—lions, tigers, bears, wolves, and
hyaenas

MELODY AND MEMORY.
Harmonious Mr. Punch,

There is something specifically, and therefore delightfully, feminine !, ^ You. who remember everything, need hardly be reminded
tbp irlen nf " t(.rr„r QnH H;<.maw a,™™" tb* r„ntK «f „n i that Beetuoven was born a hundred years ago : and 1 lancy you can

in the idea of " spreading terror and dismay among" the ranks of an j that Beetuoven was born a hundred years ago ; and I fancy you can
army by letting lions loose upon them. For, as Bottom observes, "to bring ! estimate the blessings he conferred on musical humanity, if you reflect
in ... a lion among ladies, is a most dreadful thing ; for there is not ^L^A^.^IH e]apAed *lnCe, h.e_™.a_s b°*n S(?!r^ f. ^°Af_°_f J??
a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living." One quite enters into
M. A. C.'s fancy that wild lions let loose would terrify armed soldiers.
If, indeed, those soldiers were A_mazons, they would be likely enough

music has descended to the barrel-organs. Surely, it is fitting to pay
homage to sucli genius, even though we, some of us, lack knowledge
to appreciate it. And the way to gain that knowledge is the way to

to be sent to the right-about by a charge of such four-footed antago- do him homage, namely, to go and hear as often as we can what his
uists, and indeed by smaller quadrupeds. The " gentle hearts " of the \ l™SiP has to sa/ j,0 U3- Depend on it, if we have brains to back our
gentler sex, we know, "do fear the smallest monstrous mouse that! bearin?\ .w,e sha11 not lls!en IoP* without profit from the pastime,
creeps on floor;" and doubtless a moderate number of mice as assail- 1)011 \ }hmk me a„bore. tbe?> l[ l. take UP some few mches ot, 5°ur
ants would suffice to rout a considerable force of female warriors. valuable space in telling halt the Universe—I mean to say your readers—

that Beethoven may be heard now, m this his hrst centenary, played
_ to perfection, weekly, by the Crystal Palace band, and at the Monday

Pops" by charming Akabella Guddard. Not an omnibus in London

PHILOSOPHY AND SCIENCE OF FASHION. ha* a cjever.er. conductor than Hekr Manns, the Crystal Chief; and

not a church in London gives us better music weekly than Mr. Arthur
In LeFollet's "Fashions for December" there is a gleam of leason Chappell. This is no puff, hut a fact: and so believe me yours in
resembling the faint sunlight which now and then breaks through the earnest, although I write jokingly, qne whq pLAys

masses of clouds that mantle and muffle the sky these dark mornings :—

" Elderly ladies can never appropriate toilettes suitable only to youth with- -

out adding to their age, to a degree of which it would be almost impossible to

convince them ; and vice versa, young unmarried ladies, dressed in matronly Forthcoming New Work.

robes and ornaments, lose the charm of elegant simplicitv so becoming to urn. .v r t- j r> • 07 ■ j , ■ • *

t>,om <,t>a =v,™r o L.nf.u<> :„____„„„ (• t / , . oThe author of lied as a Rose is She is engaged on a novel which is meant

them, and show a lamentable ignorance of the first and most immutable to annear with the next snrino- flowers "
canon of good taste—suitability." | t0 aPpear wim me next ePrlDg flowera-

There is an intelligence in this remark really amounting to common ' • It wil1 be.ob,?erved tbat,the tjUfl is not mentioned, but we believe it
sense, and there is a feeling of art quite sufficiently high to discern at |13 n0-secret 1Q literary circles—Buttercups and Daisies.
least one of its rudimentary principles. We only hope that the above-
quoted passage from the Follet is not very much above the comprehen-
sion of most of its readers. A Knowing Bied.—The " Downy " Owl.

Vol. 59.

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