Punch (59.1870)

August 20, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

75

REFRIGERATED TOURISTS.

Provincial Waiter. " Ice ! Gentlemen ? There ain't no Ice in Autumn
Time. But it's easy to See you are Gents from London, as don't Know
much about nature, and i don't blame you for it, in couitse. but, ice
in August ! " [Exit, sniggering.

THE ENOEMOUS GOOSEBEEEY

{Among the fruit presented, according to annual usage, by the
Fruiterers' Company on Tuesday, the 9th instant, at the
Mansion House, to the Lord Mayor).

Where is the Enormous Gooseberry

That should be in season now ?
This year unmentioned must, it be,

Because of Bellona's row ?
Bellona shall not all heed engross ;

Pomona shall have her share ;
A song of Domine dirige nos

With fruit for the good Lord Mayor.

The Fruiterers' goodly company,

Its Master and Warden stout,
To the throne of the City's Majesty

We did wend with a brave set-out,
With a grand array of our toothsome wares ;

At its steps we laid them down.
O the scrumptious apples and juicy pears

That we proffered the Civic Crown !

O the peaches and the nectarines !

O the melons, grapos, and figs !
It were a dessert for Kings and Queen?,

Let alone the little pigs.
And the bold Lord Mayor did greet us well,

And whatever mote betide,
If need were, he said, for our citadel

He would fight with us side by side.

Of the pinery and the greenery

The best we had brought that day ;
It was a noble sight to see

And a savoury, by my fay,
No mulberries ever grew on tree

With our whoppers that could compare:
And we laid an Enormous Gooseberry

At the feet of the good Lobd Mayor.

Bawling Abroad and at Home.

" To Arms ! " is a war-cry on either side. John Bui/i
answers, " To Heels !" They shout " To Horse ! " He
replies, " To Donkey ! " " To Pans ! "—" To Berlin ! "—
roar the mobs of hostile capitals. The response of Mr.
Bull is, " To Jericho ! "

A SNARL AND A SIGH.

"Quis Merit Gracchos ? When the Presse exclaims :—' The French
territory is invaded !' and cries—

"At present, every man holding a musket has but one duty, that of
becoming a soldier. Let the women drive the men to the frontier, and the
mothers curse the sons who are not ready to die. To arms ! To arms !"

" Great want of originality," continued Mr. Dogrose, on having
read the foregoing appeal. "' To arms !' The old, old cry of aggressors
in trouble. Fancy yourself poking up a nest of hornets, bringing
them about your ears, and then shouting 'To arms ! To arms !' Yah !
'Let the women drive the men to the frontier.' H'm ! Of course, with-
out considering, if they don't remain there, in what a plight they
may come back. 'And the mothers curse the sons who are not ready
to die.' _ Ready, who is readyr Are you, Reader? as the tracts say.
A question, it seems, not to be asked at all seasons. Die, what for ?
That your survivors may live and enjoy themselves. Then, indeed,
you are a noble good fellow, and here's your health. Poor humanity ! "

Felicity of Naval Nomenclature.

By a letter from Rome in the Constitutionnel we are apprised that:—

" The evacuation of the Pontifical territory by French troops continues, and
the steamer President Troplong has just embarked the remainder of the 6th
Foot Chasseurs."

Troplong seems a rather appropriate name for a transport employed
in completing the evacuation of Rome ; which has certainly not taken
place a day too soon.

'Song- for Engine-Dkivers before a Collision.—" Whistle—
and l'li come to you, my lad."

PITY THE SORROWS OF A VACATION JUDGE !

We notice every autumn with considerable pain that one of our
poor Judges is compelled to remain in town " at chambers," while all
his learned brethren are shooting, fishing, tour-making, or otherwise
enjoying their annual vacation. How in our hearts we pity this poor
solitary Judge, thus shining a fixed star amid the firmament of law,
while the other legal luminaries are wandering like comets ! 'Tis the
last Judge in chambers left blooming alone ; all his learned companions
from London are gone. And what a bitter mockery it seems that he
should have the title of the " Vacation Judge," when he is thus cruelly
deprived of his vacation! We wonder that he does not strike work
altogether, and say, with Falstaff (slightly altered) " Why, 'tis my
vacation, Hal, 'tis a sin for any man to labour in his vacation! " Let
us hope, at any rate, that in general he finds there is but little work to
do, and that he has some pleasant indoor recreation. People should
know better than to go to law in August, when the lawyers want a holi-
day, and the Judges also. We trust that it would not he very far away
from truth were we to picture the Vacation Judge enjoying leap-frog
with his clerk, or indulging in such pastimes as a game of tops or
marbles.

Impudence and Assurance.

Mrs. Partington considers that a shipowner as would supply an
enemy with Coals shows he is just the sort of party as would Skuttle a
vessel of his own. She has not studied the question of contraband,
but her instinct is right.

probable converts.

It is a wonder that all the Aldermen of the City of London have not
become Catholics—on account of the numbers of Feasts in the Roman
Calendar.