Punch (59.1870)

174

'UNOH, OR THE LutfDON CHARIVARI.

[October 22, 1870.

GAME" IN THE HIGHLANDS.

Captain Jinks. " Bieds Plentiful, I hope, Donald?"
Donald. " Tousans, Sib—in Tousans.''
Captain J. '' Any Z bbb as ?"

Donald (anxious to pleast). "Is't Zebras? They'be in Tousans, too."
Captain J. "And Gobillas, no doubt?"

Donald. " Weel, noo an' then we see Ane ob Twa—just like yeksel'."

PLEASURES OF MEMORY.

Getting well into the middle of telling a good story,
and then utterly forgetting just the very point of it.

Going more than twenty miles some fine morning to be
married, and remembering when at the cliurcli that you
have left the ring behind you.

Remembering an hour too late the appointment that you
made to meet your rich and highly promising old uncle,
who hates to be kept waiting even for five minutes.

Forgetting quite the name of Mr. Oiley, your new
rector, and addressing him in company by the* name of
Mr. Bawler, whom you afterwards remember as a dissent-
ing preacher.

Returning from a " call" party about three o'clock,
a.m., and suddenly remembering that you have left your
latch-key behind you on the dressing-table.

Remembering that you forgot to take that b 11 up
yesterday, and recollecting how your credit suffered when
a similar accident occurred a year ago.

After wasting a fine appetite at home upon hashed mut-
ton, remembering that you have been invited to a banquet
at a hospitable house, where nine times out of ten you feast
on real turtle.

Getting through successfully the first verse of a song,
and then completely forgetting the remainder.

Having just posted an urgent begging letter to a friend,
suddenly bethinking you that you have spelt his name
wrong, and feeling pretty sure that this is likely to offend
him.

Recollecting, on your way home after supping at your
club, that you promised to return and have an early dinner,
and escort your wife and your wife's mother to the play.

Remembering, too, the row they made the last time
you forgot them, and the rather costly visits to Regent
Street and Bond Street, which you had to pay by way of
expiation.

Going fifty miles from home for a day's snipe-shooting,
and when half way there remembering that you have left
your gun behind you, and have quite forgotten to pack up
any shooting boots.

Just as you are knocking at seven o'clock precisely at,
your friend Jones's door in Kensington, recollecting that
you were to dine with your friend Smith, at Clapham.

To the Marines.

A New Paper to be devoted entirely to Naval and
Marine affairs is about to appear. It will be published by
the Hydraulic Press.

THE RESULTS OE INTERVENTION.

{Imagined.)

We are abused right and left for not having interfered on one side
and on the other.

Suppose we had interfered, then, on the side of France, and suppose
we had interfered on the side of Prussia.

First suppose we had interfered on the side of France. What then !J

The British Fleet would have helped the French Fleet in doing so
much harm to Germany as the French Fleet has done. It would have
helped the French Fleet to do nothing.

The British Army might have gone to the Rhine, where it would
have shared the fate of the French.

Our newspapers would at this moment be all moralising on our for-
getfulness of the couplet telling what happens to

" Those who in quarrels interpose."

Our principal families would all be in mourning ; to the emolument
of the advertising Messrs. Magpie, and other drapers.

We should be in for Heaven knows what multiple of the Income-Tax;
perhaps for a fractional increase of the tea and sugar-duties.

We should have made an eternal enemy of Germany.

We should have deserved the gratitude of France.

France and Germany would have made peace over our heads, and
then what mutual arrangements they chose, not minding us, if not
combined against us.

Now suppose we had interfered on the side of Prussia.

We might, to be sure, have stopped the war; and the French nation
would now be crying " To London ! " But, if the war had gone on:

Our Military Contingent would have been a drop in a sanguinary
ocean.

Our Navy would have fought the French. We should have sent,
some of their iron-clads to the bottom, and they would have sent some
i of ours, to no purpose whatever as regards influence on the War.
| We should be in for both a heavier Income-Tax even, and a heavier
1 Butcher's Bill than we should have incurred by interfering for France.

France, having recovered from defeat, afraid to assail Germany
again, would immediately try to regain her lost "prestige" at our
expense. She would have Waterloo to avenge, and Paris besides. She
would invade us, or try to, instantly ; and serve us right.

In the meanwhile our Prussian friends would laugh at us, and leave
us, as they did in the Crimean War, to fight our own battles.

If we had interfered on either side, we should be much worse off than
we are.

Coriolanus Crusty.

I hate agitation;

I loathe demonstration;

I scorn the sensation
A Spouter creates by a platform oration,

With denunciation,

And vituperation,

And gesticulation,
And visage that shines with profuse perspiration.

horace in spain.

Dignus Vindics Nodus. " Ama-Deus intersit."