Punch (59.1870)

196

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 5, 1870

NOT SO FLAT AS HE LOOKS.

Major Dangle. "How do you Like the Racing to-day, Lady Grace?"

Lady Grace. " 0, pretty well. Not such Fun as Steeplechasixg. Awfully little Excitement. Im Fact, I wouldn't
have come, but for -" [Mcmagcs to be interrupted, but the Major fills up the blank to his ovm satisfaction.

L'EAU !

{Milkman's Cry.)

We read in the Christian World (all honour to it for its successful
exertions to erect a monument to the author of the Hibtory of Moll
Flanders) that there is wanted a—

GENERAL SERVANT, immediately, in a small family, where
two cows are kept. One of good character. A Baptist preferred.—
Apply B. C, &c.

An applicant will do wisely to stipulate that she shall milk only the
cow of good character. But why a Baptist? Does the advertiser
vend milk ? In that case he should be aware that there is such a thing
as a Lactometer. Still, B.C. may mean only a Baptist Cowkeeper,
who may desire a servant of his own faith. In that case we may
remark that a presumably religious person has no business to keep one
cow of other than good character.

More Free than "Welcome,

{Rhyme by Respectable Bouryeois.)

Let the Prussians hang Freeshooters •
Foes are better than Freebooters.

Slightly Grotesque.

The first proof of gratification given by Scotland in reference to the
Floyal Marriage, is a proposal for a present to the Princess. It is sug-
gested that Scotsmen should unite in contributing Groats. The Scots
are not usually in a hurry, but is not this a little early—a little like
Mrs. Perch's "projection of her mind into the future"? However,
better early than never. Emden Groats, of course—no others are
approved by the faculty.

Simple Fractures.—Servants' breakages.

"THE MAIDEN" ALL FOE-LOENE."

"Toby, my faithful Secretary," said Mr. Punch on Saturday last,
"push me that cigar-case. Now, inform me, Toby", to the best of your
recollection, how many letters, addressed to your Master, have you
opened, and found to contain what the writers are pleased to consider
a joke upon--"

" Please not to repeat it, Sir," said Toby, with a shudder. "That
joke is my nightmare."

"Like a dog, you hunt in dreams, eh, my faithful? But that there
may be no mistake in your answer to my question, be it understanded
of you.ToBY, that I allude to a House in which I think one of your
race behaved atrociously to an unoffending, and, indeed, meritorious
cat."

" And the dog was tossed by a cow who was milked by a Maiden all
For-Lorn," gasped out the unfortunate Toby, gallantly resolved to do
his duty.

" That is the joke, Toby. Now then. How many British Wits have
sent it us ? "

"Up to this morning, Sir, the batches make up 597, besides postal
cards ; but, I have more letters to open, and I doubt not to find another
hundred of the same witticism."

" It is well. You place all in the sack for the waste-paper collector."

"AH, Sir?"

" Right. When the flood shall have ceased, the Sick and Wounded
shall be no losers. Meantime I trust that my intellectual Friends will
continue to 'invent' the excellent new jest of the Maiden all For-
Lorne. To whom health and happiness."

Impossible Incongruity.

The Pope is said to have wreaked his vexation upon everybody by
closing the galleries of Art at the Vatican. It is incredible that His
Holiuess should exercise the authority which he is allowed to retain
over the Leonine City by refusing to let visitors see the lions.