Punch (60.1871)

22

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 21, 1871.

THE ORACLE OF TRUE THOMAS.

(To Bennett that sent him Verses.)

H ! the cry of True Thomas
of Chelsea!
In Cheyne Walk it arose;
Giving forth of an oracle
Concerning Yerse and
Prose.

'' Wherefore, 0 son of Adam ,
Through ass-ears strive
to tickle us,
By piping of wind through
key-holes—■
The stringing of verse
ridiculous ?

"Why any breath be
wasting ?
For that wind-bags to
leak are wont ?
Lo, my counsel to all per-
sons

About to write is —
'Don't!'

'' Though I hold life no
stage-play;
To give me satisfaction,
Its rule should be that of

RoSCIES,

All action, action, action!

" The immensities and the verities—

Not by talk-light shalt thou rummage 'em :
But if for the Gold of Silence,
Thou must have Speech's Brummagem,

'' All that speech can show of passional,

Pathetic, pictorial, plastic,
Let it show in prose that's rational,
Not in verse that's fantastic.

" Ask you, 'how I, True Thomas,
Have uttered forth my oracles ? '
Shall the course of the Great Eastern
Be questioned by rowers of coracles ?

" But know, thou son of Adam,
Style is the dress of thought.
And I to mine own measure
Have mine own language wrought.

"With rhyme-tags, and rhythm-gauges,

In lengths it is not broken :
For Prose it is too coloured,
For Poetry too plain spoken.

" None can wield it, but I only,
But I can wield it with ease :
And 'tis good for utt'ring of oracles,
And they call it Carlylese."

PUNCH'S COUNTY FAMILIES.

Revised and Corrected for 1871.

Meeyon, The Reverend Frederick Lauderdale, of Laxington Hall,
Brackenshire.

Second son of George Walter Meryon, Esq., the eminent agricul-
turist and inventor of the steam-hoeing machine.

Born 1812 ; educated at Cambridge, where he made two unsuc-
cessful attempts before he passed his B.A. examination ; succeeded
his brother, who represented the county in the Tory interest for
fourteen years, without ability to make an intelligible hustings
speech, without any political ideas beyond the belief that Radicals,
Dissenters, and poachers are the ruin of the country, and without
troubling himself (except on some great party division) to attend
the meetings of the House of Commons; owner of the entire parish
of Laxington, and patron of the living to which he was presented by
his father immediately on leaving college (population 613, value
£1375, stipend of curate £90) ; an active county magistrate, a leading
supporter of the Riddlesworth Hunt, and one of the best shots and

whist-players in Brackenshire ; married Charlotte Frances Gorges,
eldest daughter of The Very Rev. the Dean of Donoughmore, and is
completely under her thumb. Heir, his son Cecil Gorges, a Captain
(by purchase over the heads of older and better officers) in the
33rd Lancers, who is heavily in debt, and raising money by bills,
post-obits, &c.

Laxington, Castlebridge, and 16, Granderson Square, Brighton.

Chamberfeeld, Mrs., of Abbotsholme, Cheddarshire.

Mary Gertrude, youngest daughter of Henry Havering, M.D., of
Chiverton, and widow of Raby Chamberfield, Esq., who was one of
the best of fellows and billiard-players, but shortened his life by an
immoderate taste for port wine; the estates of Abbotsholme and
Monkswell (together worth £15,000 a year) left to her by her hus-
band's will; has had many offers of marriage since this document
was proved in the Prerogative Court of Canterbury in 1855, but is
far too wise to marry a second time ; an admirable landlady, an
excellent woman of business, and would make a much better Magis-
trate than half the Justices on the County Bench ; holds her tongue,
lives on her estates the greater part of the year, and has always
abundance of partridges and pheasants for her friends, without
disgusting her tenants, or burdening the county rates with the cost
of the prosecution and maintenance in prison of offenders against
the Game Laws. Heirs presumptive, some of her nephews and
nieces.

Abbotsholme (with a ghost story), Risehurst, and Monkswell (with
a gallery of Old Masters, principally spurious), Bewbury.

Je'nison, Sir Brooke, Baronet, of Tyldesley Court, Seawall.

Tenth Baronet. The Baronetcy was originally conferred, by
Charles the Second, on Bernard Jenison, for distinguished services on
horseback, in the Commissariat Department, at the Battle of the
Boyne, on condition of the presentation, by him and his successors
for ever, of six new-laid eggs, enclosed in an embroidered cherry
satin bag, annually, at Martinmas; to the Dean of the Chapels Royal.

The present Baronet is distinguished as a traveller and naturalist,
and has destroyed wild animals in every corner of the globe. He is
a Vice-President of the Mutual Glorification Society, Fellow of the
Piscatorial Society, and author of papers on the " Domestic Habits
of the Whistling Chit-Chat," "The Mollusks of Merionethshire,''
&c. He is also an active Member of the Pedestrian Club, and has
seen the sun rise from Primrose Hill and every other available
mountain-top in Europe. Unmarried, poor, and a great smoker.

Heir, his half-brother, Roderick, a sheep-farmer in Canterbury,
New Zealand, with twelve children, the youngest in arms.

Tyldesley, Great Goring, and Pedestrian Club, S.W.

EVENINGS FROM HOME.

Wheee shall we go ?

Happy Thought. The Grecian, to see Conquest's Pantomime.

We arranged for an early dinner ; we uttered touching farewells
to our friends in the West, promising to write soon, or to telegraph
during the journey down East, and then tearing ourselves away
from all that was dear to us—and everything in the West is very
dear to us—we wrapped ourselves up, and committed ourselves to
the experienced driving of Number Two Thousand and Something,
who, in twenty-five minutes from the time of our starting from
Covent Garden, set us down at the door of the Grecian. Only
twenty-five minutes, and we didiit change horses once !

We were received at the Gallery door by an enormous crowd
making an almost deafening noise. A courteous gentleman, unoffi-
cially employing himself in opening cab doors, informed us that we
should find that an easier entrance could be effected a few steps
further down. Bestowing largesse upon this useful and ornamental
individual, we followed his instructions, and presented ourselves at
the bar of the Grecian, where we were confided by the most obliging
and attentive Proprietor himself to the care of a servant of the
establishment, who preceded us across a sort of Old Vauxhall Gar-
dens in little to the entrance of the Theatre.

And now to business.

Scene. Interior of the Grecian. Time, Pantomime Time, 6"45.
N.JB. The Pantomime begins the Evening Entertainments,
which are of a varied character.

The place is crowded. The appearance presented by Drury Lane
gallery on a Boxing-night is here repeated in every part of the
house. The hubbub arising from the entire mass may be perhaps
faintly described as ivhat might be imagined to be the sound of
Noises boiling. Niagara and Vesuvius, with the " machinery in
motion" from the Polytechnic (by toay of trying another descrip-
tive simile) have come out to see Mk. Conquest's Pantomime on
Saturday night. This quotation from the Playbill will give some
idea of the Thousands able to gain admittance :—" Persons wish-