Punch (60.1871)

apeil I, 1871.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 127

THE GREAT EVENT ON THE RIVER.

(.\ prospective retrospect.)

The Boat-race is a certain remedy for lassitude, low spirits, loss
of appetite, aversi6n to business, and disinclination to fjirtin

mast-head. He was escorted to the place of embarkation by a
troop of the Blues.

"Where to spend a happy day?" In an elegant carriage, in
elegant attire, with elegant ladies, and an elegant luncheon, survey-
ing the glories of the Oxford and Cambridge Boat-race.

The Oxford and Cambridge Boat-race has been witnessed by j When Mk. Tooie returned from the Oxford and Cambridge Boat-

15,674,989 delighted
spectators since its
hrst institution by
the Heads of Houses
in the two Universi-
ties, for the encour-
agement of sound
and useful rowing ;
1,746,911 pairs of
gloves, of all sorts,
sizes, colours, and
descriptions, have
been lost and won
at the Oxford and
Cambridge Boat-
race ; 391,208 en-
gagements datefrom
its successive happy
anniversaries; and
the Champagne con-
sumed from its foun-
dation after the
Battle of Waterloo
to the present era,
would fill the Suez
Canal twice over,
with about a hun-
dred and fifty dozen
to spare for medici-
nal purposes.

The Oxford and •
Cambridge Boat-
race undoubtedly
encourages Trade,
Manufactures, and
Commerce by the im-
petus it gives to the
production of blue
silk (plain, moire,
and watered), blue
satin, blue sarcenet,
blue lutestring, blue
poplin, blue rep, blue
net, blue gauze, and
everything else that
is blue—except blue
devils, for which the
Oxford and Cam-
bridge Boat-race is
a perfect cure.

The Oxford and
Cambridge Boat-
race is alluded to
by Waterlaxd,

ReMIGIF'S, UnPFNE,

and other writers of
classical and aquatic
antiquity.

The only Univer-
sity "Test" that
will never be re-
pealed is the ques-
tion, "Are you Ox-
ford or Cambridge P''
at the time of the
Boat-race.

There was a gen-
eral holiday, fol-
lowed by illumina-
tions and fireworks
at night, on the
occasion of the Ox-

MR. PUNCH'S DESIGNS AFTER NATURE.

GRAND BACK-HAIR SENSATION FOR THE COMING SEASON.

race, he acknow-
ledged that now
at last he was
"happy."

The reproach that
has hitherto at-
tached to the first
of April will be
henceforth abolished
for ever, the Oxford
and Cambridge
Boat-race making
that day memorable
and honoured for all
time.

MOST NATURAL
SELECTION.

If Mb. Darwin's
theory of the De-
scent of Man were
true, we should, in
consistency with it,
have to accept quite
new views of mar-
riage. At present,
marriages with near
relations are gene-
rally considered ob-
jectionable, and that
in proportion to
proximity of kin.
Accordingly, there-
fore, the more re-
mote the relation-
ship between a mar-
ried pair, the more
normal the mar-
riage. Now, if we
are descended from
Anthropoid Apes,
the Orang-Outang,
the Chimpanzee, and
the Gorilla are cer-
tainly our poor re-
lations, and they are
as distant as they
are poor, far more
distant than any
tribe of natives ca-
pable of articulate
speech. If, then,
we believed the
genealogy which
Mr. Darwin claims
for us, we should
conclude that there
was no cause or just
impediment what-
ever why we should
not marry cousins
so very many more
degrees removed
than any other as
those arboreal and
quadrumanous ones
above-named. We
might even go far-
ther, and not, un-
less Darwinism is

ford and Cambridge nonsense, fare worse,

Boat-race. All the public offices, Banks, Baths and Washhouses, but better. Any human being, desirous of a perfect mate, would
and other places of business were closed, and everybody went down clearly do best of all to marry, if possible, the Larva of a Marine
to the banks of the Thames, from the peer in his robes, to the artisan Ascidian.
in his blouse

Mr. Punch witnessed the Oxford and Cambridge Boat-race from I "The Weed that Cheers," &c—Smoking must be carried ^to
his private Trireme (painted dark and light blue in alternate layers, j a great excess in the 91st Regiment (" Argyllshire Highlanders "),
to show his rigid impartiality), with a blue " Peter " flying from the ! to oblige that corps to have a "Pipe-Major."