Punch (60.1871)

June 17, 1871.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

243

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

k A onday, June 5, [That is

\ ' V Junius, or Juvenal, or
iiS^^Sr^^1^ \ January; the month

%JvSUl \ f / by any other name

\\ \ \ I / wou^c^ make you shiver

Y\\\v\ c?spS \ \ I / as mucnJ the Lords

\V\V\\ ^ ^^~^«£n \ \ / / met after their holi-

©/ day. Mr. Punchhas re-
joiced to welcome back
- the Archbishop of
Canterbury, who has
x for a long time been an
\_\^yii™|Li»5^p Archbishop in partibus

\ ^^^^^^^T^rw ' i —well, we suppose it

\ l^f^T^^sS^I^S^^^hb would be uncharitable

ijF/n'j?^2^^:/^^H^^Vwr' ^ {o nn'<n the descrip-

V^^m^^* ra^ral^ / HisGrace'shealth

'~=E^W^M^iS/^^/^^^^^^' is understood to be re-

^U,v1' / , £3$E3r^ ---— novated (L. renovo)

jj4^^j^^^~^^^my_~-z55Ff '^S/"-^ Mr. Punch much satis-
^^>^«^^^S5'^^^^ ("^ ~> faction, for he admir-

^\^ \ \ ^^^m ^>Y^_^ etn Dr. Archibald

X^X- ^ ---^k^rzrC^saa^^Si^r Campbell Tait, as

/ ^5*f^T — ™lk „_ - . hath been shown Car-

(( rap _'-^EE^^^^^s^^^gy^ toonically.

V^c^^111'__y^^=r ||^»gWgp^fgf|5t^ Lord Sandhurst

— Sj5^ ^pR., (Sib. William Mans-

— y—s p field is an authority)

-— ■ \--~_ i ^V'~^> ■ /^~~-V--t= complains that the

. An/JK^I p ■ - ' 1/ / (fe jX/ -y^fc^. Army folks enlist mere

£-^j£2JX*sJ boys," who break down.

^ The Dub e of C.ym-

<*~r _ ----- " — - . ituiiKiiv 11- aded that

<?Se§> " ^~ we are trying to make

an Army of Reserve,

and our steps are " tentative." Boys are not famous for reserve, and we should
be sorry to see them practise it, but if " tentative " means teaching them to live
in tents, of course it s all right.

Sir J. C. Lawrence stated that the reason Kew Bridge is not made free is
that the proprietors ask £70,000. They have opened their mouths very wide
for money, and may now as well keep them open with astonishment, for their
flanks have been turned, and three other bridges are enfranchised instead of
Kew. Q, derives its name from its little tail, queue, and should wag it more
humbly.

Lord Enfield was asked something about China, but had not much to say.
Readers may notice that every now and then comes a telegram from Mr. Wade,
who says that " all is quiet in China." We hold up our hands and bless
G eneral Wade, as the verse goes, but if we received a message every Monday
saying "Jones is sober," we should draw no inference unfavourable to the
belief in Mr. Jones's habitual ebriety for the future. People concerned, accept
this hint.

The Colonels went on with the fight against the Purchase Bill, and there was
this little episode. Sir George Jenkinson was speaking, some Liberals cried
" 0 ! " and Sir George asked—

"Why should the Prime Minister sit there laughing at an independent Member?
{Cheers and laughter.)

" Mr. Gladstone.—I rise to order. I was not laughing at the Hon. Gentleman.
{Cheers.)

" Sir G. Jenkinson.—What, then, were you laughing at ? {Laughter and cheers.)
" Mr. Gladstone.—I cheered, and did not laugh. {Cheers.)

•■ Sir G. Jenkinson was much obliged. The cheers ot the Prime Minister were
always gracious."

Afterwards there was resistance to Morning Sittings, and as the House was
then sitting into the morning, and did sit till nearly three, there was reason
even in Mr. Bentinck's opposition. This reminds us that Mr. Ayrton is said
to intend to have a Lime-Light kindled on the Clock Tower, as an intimation to
the universe that while that fire burns Parliament is sitting. Does he think
that the world will also sit up till three in the morning, watching the Gabble-
Beacon ? The only use of such an arrangement will be to promote quarrel
between M.P. and wife, as thus :—

M. P. {stumbling—rather—into his dressing-room, and quarrelling with his
watch-key. Time 2"30 a.m.) Confound that Glads'on ! No bizzis to keep's up
till this hour, scussin' ognishasun Army.

Smiling Wife {from her bed, and laying down novel, and extinguishing lamp).
Won't do, dear. I saw Mr. Atrton's Lime-Light go out at half-past eleven.
Been lucky at billiards ?

Tuesday. Germany, says Lobd Enfield, has made no proposal for the cession
to her of Heligoland (population 2,230). If Campbell had not written the
Death Boat of Heligoland, we suppose nobody woidd have known of the

existence of the island. Nevertheless and neverthc-
more, we mean to keep it, unless Germany wants it so
much as to be induced to offer us something in exchange.
There's a pawky auld Scots proverb of which English
folk are not nearly mindful enough, and it is—slightly
refined for Southron consumption, '1 Keep your ain fish-
insides for your ain sea-mews."

We had a very good debate, initiated by Mr. Graves,
on Manning—no, not the Archbishop, though he is
always a pleasant subject for conversation (besides we
should have said Dr. Manning, ours are not Exeter
Hall manners) but on Manning the Navy. Government
denies that we are under-manned, but admits dissatis-
faction with the state of the Reserves. The cause for
that feeling had better be removed at once, for John
Bull, though he has shown that he will bear a good
deal more than he ought, will stand no nonsense about
his Ships.

Wednesday. Debate on the Burials Bill, a measure for
allowing all persons,to bury their friends in the church-
yards of the Church of England, but with any kind of
Service the survivors like, or speeches, or nothing at all.
The Bill made its way by some large majorities, and the
moderate Dissenters say that if they get this and the
University Tests repeal, they will have no more griev-
ances. The Church-people say that the next demand
will be for the church itself, in which to make funeral
orations, declaim funeral odes, or enunciate heterodoxies.
As has been often said here, when will Englishmen learn
to believe in Englishmen ?

The Bill for appointing Public Prosecutors is thrown
over. How much it is wanted was proved within the
last few days. The Recorder, who tried a case, and had
to direct an acquittal because of failure of evidence, said
that a note had been found in his court, showing why
the necessary evidence had not been brought forward—■
the affair had been " squared," the prosecutor receiving
a sum of money, and the counsel were requested to '' put
it in the best shape they covdd."

" My lords the judges laugh, and you 're dismissed."

Only Mr. Russell Gurney did by no means laugh, and
very properly told Parliament what had happened.

Thursday. The Martello towers—you know—you see
them when you go to the watering-places by the sea—
well, some are to be pulled down, and some are to be
kept up. Punch objects to the pulling down ; the use-
less ones might be slightly repaired—they are capital
places of shelter when a storm comes on, and Jemima is
in a dreadful way with you for having tempted her to
walk out and get her bonnet spoiled. Punch wonders
whether Ministers ever kept company with any
Jemimas ; he supposes not, or the Cabinet woidd be more
considerate.

But we had some fun. There had been a Count Out
(as Mr. Punch mentioned) on the previous Friday.
After the Count Out, somebody was showing the House
to a friend, and found on the table a little note which
Sir John Pakington had seen given to Mr. Forster,
during a speech of his, which speech he cut short, that
the Count might come. The note was—" We want to
count Pakington : he comes next." The finder gave
this document to Sir John, who read it to the House,
with comment on the conduct of Government.

So we had the gravest debate, in which Mr. Glad-
stone and Mr. Disraeli took part, and the questions
were two-fold. The interesting one was whether Sir
John Pakington was right in reading and using a
communication evidently intended to be private. His
character as a man of honour is, of course, unquestion-
able, but Mr. Gladstone thought he had " erred," and
Mr. O'Reilly was "much surprised," and so forth.
Mr. Disraeli saw no objection to using a scrap of paper,
without name, signature, or envelope. Mr. Hardy
could not think it a private document. The debate was
enlivened by our friend Mr. Collins, of Boston, sticking
up for Counts Out, and being called "impertinent" by
Mr. Newdegate, who had to alter the epithet to
" officious." Mr. C. Bentinck thought that the Thirty-
One paid members of the Government ought to be ordered
to remain in their places, and thus ensure a House.

More debate on the Army Bill, and Mr. Rylands, the
Didactic, said that he would endeavour to deserve the
name by teaching the public what this Bill meant. He
objected to making Income-tax payers pay officers for

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