Punch (60.1871)

March 4, 1871.]

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

83

"WHIST, WHIST, 0 WHIST!"

Mr. Punch, Sir,

Public attention having- been lately much at-
tracted to the Game of Whist, you will, perhaps, allow
me to supplement the article in the Quarterly by six
golden rules, which beginners will find very useful.
They were drawn up by a late Prelate of the Irish
Church, and have been habitually practised by myself
and my friends, with great success. Believe me, yours
| faithfully, Tenace.

1. If your Partner leads the King of a Suit, of which
| you have the Ace single, play it, and at once lead from
| another suit.

2. Having only two small trumps, say the seven and
I five, all the other cards being exhausted, either lead
' trumps or rough.

| 3. Should your Partner on your first lead of trumps
drop a card of another suit, and on your secend lead play
I a trump, keep silent, and mix up the tricks as quickly as
| possible after the hand is played out. Should j-our
i adversaries adopt this style of play, point it out.
i 4. Should you happen to see your adversaries' cards,
| adopt the dummy game, leading through the strong and
up to the weak hand.

5. If your Partner should deal out of his turn, say
nothing about it, but try and obtain the next deal.

6. With four honours and ten, nine, and eight of
' trumps in your hand, you generally win the trick and
; the game, if you do not forget to count honours. Quart

major makes a pint.

THE SERVANTS.

Old Lady. "They're all Alike, my Dear. There's our Susan (it's
true she's a Dissenter), but I've allowed her to go to Chapel Three
Times every Sunday since she has Lived with me, and I assure you she
doesn't Cook a bit Better than she did the First Day !!"

A MEAN ADVANTAGE.

Artless Woman. Henry, dear, I want to go a little
farther, to do some shopping. Let us take a cab.

Wretch. Yes, my love, and pick out one with a nice
respectable-looking driver, who we are quite sure hasn't
just been carrying any patient to the Smallpox Hospital.

Artless Woman. 0, what a horrid idea! Ugh!
It never occurred to me. llather than run such a risk as
that, I would walk, if it was ever so.

[The deluded Wife tvalks a mile and a half, and her
deceitful Husband saves eighteenpence.

A Sport axways in Season.—Tuft-hunting.

Mr. Moses Melter, better known to the police as "Melting Mo,"
UNFASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. | has been at length arrested at his official residence, and presented

, TTri . , , , i with an order to a private box in Newgate.

( Which possibly may prove quite as interesting to some people as \ Mk Laekek bagged last night, being out upon the loose, as many
otlier social news may be to other people.) ag gix bell-handles and eleven door-knockers.

Mr. Smith of London has returned to town. I Mr. Bumble put on his new uniform last Sunday, and was kissed

Mr. Buggins is at present on a visit to Mr. Bubbs of Birmingham, j by his wife, who vowed that he looked " bootiful."
Mr. Jeremiah Diddler has been travelling in the country for j Master Gutteechild, having come into possession of a six-
the purpose of enjoying the sport of hunting greenhorns. j pence, on Tuesday entertained a couple of his friends at a convivial

Mr. Clyeaker is staying with the Governor of Newgate
Messieurs'Tag and Bag, in company with Mr. Bobtail, went
last evening to the gallery of the Whitechapel Theatre.
Mr. Brown has arrived at the Minories Hotel.
Mrs. Robinson is visiting her newly married son-in-law, who
spends his evenings chiefly at his club in consequence.

Mr. Bill Sikes has recently been photographed at Government
expense.

Mr. Bob Sawyer has been elected to the chair of the Convivial
Corkscrew Club.

Mr. Benjamin Bolt is preparing for next quarter-day, when he
purposes to indulge in the sport of lunar shooting.

Mr. Jones of Wales has arrived on a week's visit to his cousin,
Mr. Griffiths.

Mr. Huggins has honoured the Adelphi with his presence in the
pit, attended by his wife and his wife's mother, Mrs. Muggins.
Mr. William Phunky has recently been vaccinated.
Mb. Cribb Cracker has quitted his residence in town, en route to

banquet, consisting of hot periwinkles.

Mrs. Dowdie paid a flying trip to town last week, for the purpose
of purchasing a secondhand chignon.

Mr. Jerry Sneak, alias "the Nobbier," has returned to his town
residence, after spending six months of retirement in a pleasant part
of Suffolk, where he had his hair cut at the cost of the county.

Mr. and Mrs. Loveydovey have entertained themselves in a hos-
pitable manner, on the occasion of the anniversary of their day of
marriage.

Miss Gusher has received exactly ninety-seven Valentines.
A matrimonial alliance is said to have been contracted between
the eldest son and heir of the wealthy Mr. Scraggs, ex-chimney-
sweep, of Wapping, and Miss Agnes Araminta, only child of Mr.
Chitterling, cats'-meat merchant, Islington.
Mr. Spouter has been paying a visit to his Uncle.
Mr. Jollldog of Houndsditch is suffering from the gout.
Master Downie has begun the cultivation of moustaches. As
many as eleven hairs already are apparent.

spend some years with the Governor of Portland. Mr. Scamp was yesterday presented at the Court in Bow Street,

Mr. Hardupp has left his lodgings somewhat suddenly, and with- j on the occasion of his having picked a pocket at the Opera,
out giving any notice to his landlady. Messieurs Dunderhead and Booby have been elected members

- Mr. Bawler, costermonger, has lately sold his donkey, and in- j of the Allfools Sparrow-Slaughter Club.

tends next week to retire from the profession. Mr. Skinflint, to save paying sixpence to a hairdresser, tried

A handsome piece of plate, of the rare old willow pattern, was | yesterday to cut his hair off with a shilling,
yesterday presented to Mr. Plush, of Westbourne Square, for his | Mr. Funniman has been entertaining a select circle of his friends
services as Chairman of the Harmonious Flunkies. I by his humorous impersonation of the Whistling Oyster.