Punch (60.1871)

Makch 25, 1871.]

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, March 13.—In both houses announcement was made of the con-
clusion of the Black Sea Conference, and of the result of its discussions. As
there has already begun a portentous disturbance on the subject, and as the
best of the French journals informs the world that England has flung away
all the fruits of the Crimean war: that she has begun to suffer by her Prussian
policy, and by Lord Granville's obsequiousness to Family Predilections, we
will set forth in the most prosaic manner wbat Lord Granville, late President
of the Conference, stated the conclusions to be :—■

1. The Clauses of the Treaty of 1856 neutralising the Black Sea arc

abrogated.

2. The restrictions imposed by previously existing Treaties upon the Porte

in regard to the closing of the Straits of the Dardanelles and Bos-
phorus when the Porte is at peace are so far modified as to admit of
her opening them, even in time of peace, to the ships of war of
friendly and allied Powers, in case the Porte should deem it necessary.

3. The European Commission of the Danube is prolonged for Twelve Years.

4. Continual neutrality of the works already created, or to be created, by

the Commission.

5. Bight of the Porte to send war-ships into the Danube.

So much for the new arrangements. Then, by way of postscript to the
famous Circular of the Bussian Minister, declaring that the Czar would no
longer be bound by the Treaty, the Representative of Russia has had to sign

■this :—

" It is xs essential principle of the law of nations that no Power
can liberate itself from the engagements of a treaty, nor
modify the stipulations thereof, unless avith the consent of
the contracting powers, by means of an amicable arrangement."
Commending all which to his beloved Public for calm consideration when the
•present Festivities shaB be over (of a truth Mr. Punch's Loyalty has had to
■take theform of so many toasts to the happiness of The Couple, that he is
slightly indisposed to political dissertation), Mr. Punch is happy to say that in
Parliament, in the Press, and everywhere else where a row can be kicked up
on the proceedings of the Conference, up-kicked wBl that row be. But for
the hour let us celebrate the joyous Treaty between the Houses of Brunswick
and of Campbell.

In this—what shaB we caU it ?—Bubicund (that's a good word, and totaBy
inapphcable) Spirit, let us briefly dispose of the Parliamentary utterances of
the past week. They have not been unimportant, but, like all really im-
Iportant things, they may be described in a few words.

For instance, the Pillar Letter Boxes are not to be made big, to receive

newspapers, books, parcels. As it is, the slits are too
wide, and not a day passes but Mr. Punch beholds some
idiot painfully ramming a newspaper into the pillar, and
accomplishing his purpose by dint of hard shoving and
prods with a stick or umbrella. Mr. Punch calmly
watches the process, and as soon as' the scrunched article
has descended, he sweetly informs the poster that the
paper wBl not be delivered. The usual reply is " Who
cares?" the party wisely remembering that it is his or
her employer's business, not his or hern. But Mr. Punch
is sometimes asked, " Why didn't yer say so before?"
To which, if the querist be much smaller than Mr.
Punch, he answers, " Can't you read the notice, you
something or something ?" (as the case may be).

The Lords have passed the Lectionary Bill—that for
revising the Prayer-Book list of Lessons. An interest-
ing theological debate arose to-night, and Lord Grey
denounced the Athanasian creed as the barbarous pro-
duct of a barbarous age. He never heard it without
horror. Lord Beauchamp, on the other hand, beUeved
that it was a source of comfort to thousands. Thousands
would seem to be somewhat easily, not to say oddly,
comforted.

There was an Army Scheme debate to-night, and on
other nights, and the most convenient course Mr. Punch
can adopt is to say that Mr. Gladstone tried to abbre-
viate the discussion, but that Honourable Members
would say their say, and that the end did not come until
Friday night. The Purchase Question was the great
subject of battle, because Vested Interests of all sorts
and sizes are at stake ; but on the other hand it was
necessary to get this part of the question out of the way,
because the Government declare that nothing can be
done in the way of real Reform until, as the Times
succinctly puts it, "the Army shall be taken out of
Pawn." Its gaBant Uncles are its officers.

Mr. Cardwell explained, on a later night, that he
had asked for only such legislation as was wanted, that
organisation was a matter of detail, which demanded
general authorisation, not special enactment; that none
of the useful suggestions of any speaker had been over-
looked, and that the Scheme would be found, when
worked out, to be all that was required by the nation.
" He couldn't speak Pharaoh," as Thomas Hood wrote,
but we shall see, we shall see, we shall see—to dismiss the
matter in true Philistine style. Mr. Disraeli spoke,
gave the Government credit for the best intentions, and
virtually conceded the Purchase Question, so that there
was not much for Mr. Gladstone to say in reply, Colonel
Loyd-Lindsay's amendment was negatived, and the
Army Bill was read a Second Time amid loud Liberal
cheers. They may, perhaps, not be quite so loud after
some of the divisions in the Future.

Tuesday. The friends of Convocation, if it has any,
may as well be informed that the Lords struck out of the
Lectionary Bill the recognition of the clerical Parliament.

Mr. Stansfield, the new President of the Poor Law
Board, having been re-elected for Halifax, without
opposition, took his seat amid cheers from both sides.
Liking him, Mr. Punch (who like Themistocles, has a
talent for helping his friends) makes record of a fact
which in the case of anybody he didn't care about he
should have left unnoticed. Frankness is Mr. Punch's
forte. His contemporaries puff their friends just as nobly,
but do not state the reason for their advertisements.

There is a fine zoological collection at the India Office
Museum, but it is not of the least use, being "boxed up."
Mr. Grant Duff said something about its being " partly
accessible" to the scientific world,but there was certainly
no proximc accessit in the case of Dr. Sclater, the in-
valuable secretary to the Zoological Society. That
gentleman wanted to solve a problem in Natural History,
by research at the Indian Museum, but was told that
everything was packed away in boxes. Why not give
the collection, en bloc, to Dr. Sclater, for the Zoological
Museum. It is idiotic to hoard it up, as covetous old
ladies hoard scraps and fragments, until the moths eat
them.

Mr. Lambert generously proposed to raise the salaries
of Government officials, but as he did not offer to do it
at his own expense, the proposal was politely declined
by the First Lord of the Treasury out of which the
money was to come.

The Postmaster General revises sundry postal charges,
reduces the price of money-orders for very small amounts
—raises the price of those for larger amounts—satisfies