Punch (60.1871)

May 27, 1871.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

209

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

N Monday, May 15,
the British Parlia-
ment, which does
not always display
a fine sense of the
fitness of things, did
this week behave
itself with a good
sense which entitles
it to Mr. Punch's
praise. Aware that
in the following-
week the Public
Mind would muchly
be turned in a Spor-
tive Direction, and
that Mr. Punch
would condescend to
adapt himself to
circumstances, the
Houses passedunani-
mous mental resolu-
tions not to say or
do anything which
should compel Mr.
Punch to notice
Parliament at any
length. Westminster
gracefully gives the
pas (not paw, stupid)
to Epsom.
Meeting the Houses
in the same spirit,
Mr. Punch will
therefore merely re-
gister the fact, that
•on Monday there was a very useless discussion in the Lords on the Black Sea
Treaty, but Lord Salisbury enlivened it by likening Lord Granville to Caleb
Balderstone, and comparing his satisfaction with having obtained Russia's
-condemnation of the repudiation of a treaty, while she obtained all her ends, to
the self-gratulation of a man who had been robbed by a highwayman, but did
not care, because he had made the thief recite the Eighth Commandment. In
the House of Commons there was fresh resistance to the Money Scheme, and
Mr. Muntz was defeated by 260 to 195.

Tuesday. The Bill for giving mercantile folks a few more holidays—they will
have Six in all—went through Committee in the Lords. The Scotch Lords were
quite indignant at the idea of Whit Monday being made a holiday in Scotland.
The Dure of Argyll said that no Scot kept it unless he had been contaminated
by English influences.

The Westmeath Outrages Bill was debated in the Commons, and some Irish
Members deprecated it, as, of course, they were bound to do, and as equally, of
course, they could do with perfect patriotism, inasmuch as their opposition
•could not hinder a useful measure.

To-day the Republican rabble in Paris pulled down the Yendome Column.
Wednesday. Stop, all ye at Epsom, or on the road, who are about to raise the
goblet to your lips. Listen ! A Bill for enabling a man who does not like the
liquor in your hand to dash the vessel away, was debated, and rejected by 206
to 124. If the Bungs had not been so insolent to Members about the Licensing
Bill, the minority would not have been so large, but gentlemen do not like to be
threatened by publicans.

Thursday. The British Lords observed Ascension Day. In Paris, the women
who resorted to the churches were turned out by the Republicans, and the
priests were made to close the doors.

Mr. Disraeli delivered a long and not unamusing speech against Me. Lowe
•and his Budget. But it takes two to make a tight, and either Me. Lowe did
not think it worth while to cross swords, or his noble spirit of sarcasm had been
damped by recent events, for he answered very shortly, and affected to treat
the attack as a practical joke. Mr. Punch was so offended at being baulked of
his expected fun, that he left the House, and declared that he would not return
till after the Derby.

A DOLE, INDEED.

The Times quotes from the Winchester Observer the legend, well known
in Hampshire, of " The Tichborne Dole." The prophecy therein preserved has,
like many other predictions, been partly verified but not quite. The " Tich-
borne Dole" (of bread) was discontinued in 1793; nevertheless, there remains
one heir male, at least, to the Tichborne estates, to whomsoever of two claimants
the Court of Common Pleas shall award that property. A Dole of a different
sort from the one founded by the Lady Mabella Tichborne in Henry the
Second's reign, is the suit now pending before Judge Bovill. The Tichborne
Dole of these days is that most doleful affair for the ancient House affected by
it, the case of Tichborne v. Tichborne.

LAW v. LAWSON.

" Save us from reign of the Ladies! "

Ma?ikin& is praying in awe :
And no wonder John Bull thus afraid is,

Seeing what last week he saw—
How stubborn the will of a maid is,

At least when her name is Law !

Sir Wilfrid Lawson and party
In the Hall of St. James were met,

Permissive-Bill-partisans hearty;
United to overset,

From Cornwall to Cromarty,
The reign of heavy-wet.

To empower the public that won't drink
To muzzle the public that will;

And instead of arguing, " Don't Drink,
Because it will make you ill-"

To shut taps in their faces that want drink,
Reducing their will to nil,

The platform they wagged their jaws on ;

Smoothly the meeting sped,
And to resolution draws on,

To be voted—ncm. con.—as read,
When Miss Law on Sir Wilfrid Lawson,

Falls like a hundred o' lead.

With a hostile resolution

On the meeting down she came :

And with feminine elocution
She did enforce the same :

'Twas Giant to Lilliputian,
Wild woman to Baronet tame !

She gave it Sir Wilfrid Lawson

And his Permissive Bill:
Laid her nails each weak clause on,

For Liberty quoted Mill,
Swept reasons aside, as straws on

A flood are whirled at will.

The meeting awhile sat silent,

So taken aback were all;
But, shortly, growing vi'lent,

They began to hiss and bawl,
But Miss Law, with a lady-like smile, leant

Her back against the wall.

And the more the meeting clamoured,

The more she didn't care ;
When with hands and heels they hammered,

She stopped, her breath to spare.
But neither shrunk nor stammered

That woman small and spare !

Till all their clamour idle,

These men forced to confess,
The Law they could not bridle,

Determined to suppress.
So up to her managed to sidle,

And seized her by the dress.

But the harder they tugged, the bolder

Her crowding foes she faced.
They might catch her o'er the shoulder,

Might take her round the waist,
The more they tried to hold her,

The less she would be embraced.

0 ! mighty was the bustle
" Of battle Miss Harriet about,
And terrible the tussle

'Ere Law could be turned out—j
That woman of more than muscle,

Stout champion of Stout.

But if one maid, single-handed,

Can of men thus face a hall,
When their sex comes to be banded,

Ours must before them fall,
Lords of Creation stranded—

Creation's Laws o'er all!

And Sir Wilfrid Lawson, should draw

From the case a warning clear :
That Permissive Bills, their claw

May sheathe this many a year :
'Tis no joke to oust the Law

That guards the poor man's beer.