Punch (60.1871)

March 18, 1871.]

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10)

and on the alert to imbibe (with a due regard to tempe-
rance) all information he may receive.

N.B. It will be observed by all who are not subject to
hereditary thoughtlessness, that the paragraph at the
head of these few remarks only speaks of City Mission-
aries, as having been engaged in this praiseworthy
educational work ; but it is to be hoped that there are
also West End Missionaries who have looked after
the West End Police.

LECTURE IN LENT.

Uncle. " Well, Charley, shall i Open another Bottle of Claret, or.

will you go with your cousins to the lecture on astronomy?"

Charley. "Why, Uncle, I think, on the whole, I prefer Cork to
Orrery. [WJiich shows that he v:as an Epicurean, but had read Ms " Debrett."

MORE PROGRESS IN EDUCATION.

" A number of paid schoolmasters are being appointed to the Metropolitan Police.
Hitherto City Missionaries have in many eases performed the work gratuitously."

We have the permission of the authorities to state that these police pedagogues
will, in the first instance, direct the attention of their pupils to the following
important points:—

In all professional statements, made before Magistrates or other judicial func-
tionaries, to be careful of their grammar, diction, orthoepy, and accent, and
never, not even under the greatest provocation, to neglect or abuse the
aspirate.

To acquaint themselves with at least two modern languages, that they may
be competent to return satisfactory answers to the questions of puzzled and
bewildered foreigners.

To store their minds with passages from our best poets, that they may be able
to beguile the weary hours of night duty by repeating to themselves some of
the choicest gems in the English language.

To make themselves conversant with the multitude of historical, antiquarian,
and literary associations connected with the houses, streets, and parks of the
metropolis (including Victoria Park and the New Cut), that they may possess
another mental resource while officially engaged, and be qualified to inform
strangers and visitors where Alkkkd the Great was born, or the celebrated
bootmaker, Hoby, breathed his last; and to point out the exact position of the
posts which Dr. Johnson used to touch when walking down Fleet Street and
the Strand.

In arithmetic, to divide the metropolis into a given number of areas, and
to calculate the average of female domestic servants to be found therein._

To be uniformly polite, good-tempered, and civil, especially at crossings, in
street rows, and in verbal contentions with cabmen, costermongers, and omnibus
officials.

And, generally, to exercise their mental faculties, that every member of
the force maybe quick of apprehension, ready to take up any subject of conyer

OUR FAMILY TREE.

De Vere, how much is it to trace

The noble line which we can boast,
Through creatures of the human race,

To Norman William's age at most ?
With Adam's origin content,

Let simple folk remain, who can :
Be taught to prize thy high descent

By Darwin—the JDescent of Man.

What's thy Crusader, in blest mould

Entombed hard by yon Minster's choir,
To thee, that own'st, in rock of old,

The relics of a Lemur sire ?
The iirst of Jocko's ancient stem

Misdeemed mere mimes of human shape-
Di; Veres and all, we come of them,

Derived from Sir Anthropoid Ape.

Through the tailed Lemurs up, yet down,

The Opossums or the Kangaroos,
To Reptiles, hard as frog to drown,

We Christians go, and likewise Jews.
From Newts amphibious we ascend

To thorough Fishes of the Sea ;
In Larva? of Ascidians end,

That is begin, our pedigree.

'Tis true no eye has ever seen

The birth of Species come to pass;
The rule observed has aye that been

Of horse from horse, and ass from ass.
Development seems barred by mules.

To think it therefore puzzles those,
Who may be other men than fools,

How Species first from Species rose.

Faith can the needful stitch bestow

To knit the break in Reason's clue ;
'Twas so far off and long ago,

That let us hope it is all true.
Science tells no old woman's tale—

The Larva source of Man, withal,
In one both female was and male ;

And Man's descent is not a fall.

Dost thou account the leap too great

Assumed-from Jackanapes to Man ?
De Vere, thy doubt it may abate

The common British Rough to scan.
That horrid fellow, if thou note,

Thy fellow-man, alas, is he,
How little does he seem remote

From a Baboon—how far from thee !

The Old Masters.

If the marvellous Exhibition, just closed, had pro-
duced no better result than the following (which was
found on a lost catalogue) the Academicians would still
have deserved plaudit. "Suppose Her Majesty had
patted a cat, which purred, but then scratched the
Sovereign, what two Old Masters would have been
named ? Puss sang, and Clawed la Heine."

in the streets.

sation, prompt to arrest a brilliant thought in its passage through the mind. \ Hatton Garden.

Vol. GO.

It was the remark of a keen observer, who knew
London thoroughly well, that in all his long experience
he had never seen one of his fellow-men bareheaded in