Punch (60.1871)

May 6, 1871.] PUNCH, Oix THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 177

AN OLD STUPID.

'now, what do you think that this picture represents ? you will
not easily guess. this is an uncle, travelling with his nlece. a
"Happy Thought" has struck that Imposing-looking Guard, and he is
putting them into an empty compartment, with the remark that " young
Couples on their Wedding Tour like to avoid Observation." That Old
Goose is so pleased that he is furtively giving the wily Official Half-
a-Crown. But he will have to give his Niece something much hand-
somer if he expects her not to tell her Aunt and Cousins.

HARD LINES !

{The Plaint of a Poor Clerk.)

When the Exchequer's till is low,
And revenue returns are slow,
Whence chiefly do the millions How ?

From Income-tax.

When we our fleet, or army, raise,
Or in sham lights our powder blaze,
What is't that most the piper pays ?

Oar Income-tax.

What makes me grumble, grieve, and growl,
Changes my smile into a scowl,
And turns my " Ha ! ha ! " to a howl ?
My Income-tax.

What makes me stingy, close, and mean,
Grow anxious-eyed, and pale, and lean,
And by my friends be rarely seen ?

My Income-tax.

What bids me cheaper lodgings seek,
Taste pudding only once a week,
And 'stead of calf's head buy ox cheek P
My Income-tax.

What makes my wife a sempstress grow,
A side her songs and music throw,
And darn my shirts and stockings so ?
My Income-tax,

What forces me to let her pout,
Her promised new dress go without,
And seldom get a Sunday out P
My Income-tax.

Why is my hat so rarely new,
Napless my coat, my elbows through,
My hands ungloved ?—'tis owing to
My Income-tax.

Why, when a friend to dine I 've brought,
Must I give elder wine for port,
For Cheshire, Dutch'?—all this I'm taught
By Income-tax.

What hearty thanks I therefore owe
To all who vote with Mr. Lowe,
And on me heavier burthens throw
By Income-tax!

A CONFUTATION OF MURPHY.

The "Anti-Popery" lecturer, Murphy, has received a signal
confutation at Whitehaven from a number of pious Iloman Catholic
miners. They effectually silenced him for the time—nearly for ever.
According to a contemporary, three hundred of those faithful fellows, j
employed at Clator Moor, "marching ten abreast," proceeded to the!
Oddfellows' Lodge, and set upon Murphy as he was issuing from the
ante-room, to enter the lecture-hall. This is how they taught Mr.
Murphy to keep his alleged extracts from their devotional manuals i
to himself :—

" Catching sight of him. a number of them rushed upon him. dragged him
down the stairs, and struck and kicked him till lie was insensible. In that;
condition he was rescued by the police, who pulled him within, a door, and
•dosed it on the rioters. It was a considerable time before animation could
be restored, and Mr. Murphy remained in a critical state all night."

It may, _ however, be questioned whether an over-zealous laity,
like the miners who thus confuted Murphy, should not, if possible,
be restrained by their spiritual guides from taking the Syllabus into
their own hands. Not that the subjoined statement, in continuation
of the above, is not, in so far as it concerns Murphy alone, most
edifying :—

"A correspondent, who visited him next morning, says that the lecturer
then lay upon a bed, unable to move; his head was swathed in bandages, and
his face bruised, cut, and swollen. There was a shocking wound across his!
left eye, and his body was dreadfully discoloured."

In this country an offender such as Murphy cannot be legally:
handed over to the secular power for condign punishment. Murphy, j
therefore, met with it at the hands of the miners who constituted!

the power of a secular Judge Ly^nch. They executed judgment
upon the heretic by an Act of Faith as complete as circumstances
and the Police allowed.

The religious zeal evinced by the E,oman Catholic miners of Clator
Moor in their chastisement of Murphy, inflicted on him mainly for
his abuse of their revered Priesthood, is remarkable considered in
contrast with the contemptuous indifference which miners, as a
body, too commonly exhibit towards Anglican Curates and Clergy-
men in general. There appears to be a field among them for certain
Missionary enterprise.

NEAPOLITAN INTELLIGENCE.

Writing from Naples, a newspaper correspondent states that
Vesuvius, " offers unusual attractions." " It remains," he proceeds
to say, "precisely as it was, sending up two columns of ashes and
smoke." But these are the usual attractions of Vesuvius, one would
think; especially since Vesuvius remains precisely as it was. A pos-
sible misprint, however, need not be set down for a bull. In send-
ing up only two columns of ashes and smoke, Aresuvius is very
much more reasonable than a good many of our contemporaries have
shown themselves during the late War.

Rapid Travelling.

The science of aerostation is farther advanced than is commonly
supposed; but at present, the expenses attending this mode of
transit are so great, as to make it available only for Royal per-
sonages. This will explain the announcement that " The Duke of
Genoa is paying flying visits to the most interesting English towns
previous to his return to Italy."

Vol. 60.

6—2