Punch (60.1871)

February 11, 1871.!

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

•53

PAROCHIAL BARBARITY.

At Marlborough Street Police Court, the other day,
Mr. Newton, on the application of Me. Richard Harris,
j barrister, instructed by Mr. Coram, Secretary of the Royal
I Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, granted
[ summonses against Mr. Charles Lowe, Assistant-Sur-
veyor of Marylebone, and Mr. William Green, foreman
of the works, for causing cruelty to horses. The roadway
extending from Regent Circus, Oxford Street, to Mar-
garet Street, was stated to have been repaired with gra-
nite chips six inches in depth, much larger than usual,
and laid, down in a rough state, nothing having heen
done to crush them so as to enable horses to cross them
without pain. This Avas contended to amount, under a
section of an Act of Parliament, to the offence of causing
horses to be tortured. Humane persons in general, and
particularly those who keep valuable horses, will be«glad
to know that Mr. Newton, in granting the summonses,
said he considered the case a very proper one to be tried.
In such cases, which are disgracefully numerous, there
are two questions. One of them regards the culpability
of the accused, who may or may not have had it in
j their power to macadamise the parochial granite. Bumbles
I are parsimonious, and steam-rollers cost money. The
other question is whether allowing granite, by neglect,
| to be laid down in the state above described, is indeed a
barbarity equal to the offence of causing the torture of
horses. If it is not, then there would be no cruelty
in paving carriage roads, as walls are fenced, with broken
bottles.

A Sad Discovery.

It is a grave accusation to bring against a great writer
and a famous poet, but we fear Wordsworth must be
charged with favouring the horrible practice of Canni-
balism, for does he not say that a Woman (a Woman,
mark ye!) is

" A creature not too bright or good
For human nature's daily food ? "

FREAKS OF NATURE. Can't Be.

{Waiter. "Now, then, look Sharp! Here's that Mutton-Chop a Biling We raid that a Burlesque had lately been enacted to
with Rage at bein' kep' waitin', and a Beefsteak gone away in a j amuse the poor Idiots at Earlswood, and that they were
Towering Passion ! " j delighted. Surely there is some mistake.

NO WAR WITH AMERICA.

To Lord Punch.

Don't wake snakes. What we feel for you is real nice, and we

The following most important details will be read with an eager- are going to send your Princess a wedding present. Grant.
ness amounting to avidity.

This telegram arrived from the United States :— To President Grant.

" General Butler has introduced, and the House of Representatives by , Snakes be scotch'd. Quite right about H.RH But no evasions,

172 votes against 21 has passed a resolution welcoming Mb. O'Donovan old hoss. What dew that Resolution imply t Answer right away,

Eossa and the other recently arrived Fenians in this country." as I hear the dinner-gong, and granville dines with me—do you

a • i_ • ttt i understand ? Punch
bnatcnmg his Waverlev pen, but in no wavering mood (the wit is ^ t ^™ th™^

SikWaitee's), Mr. Punch wrote as follows:- A._ _ , „ a. ^ ^ v « > wa * +l

1 Ain't he riled ? Sir. The Resolution is a Faction's bid for the

To President Grant. Irish Vote, which, moreover and moreunder, the Faction won't git.

Own up, old hoss, and be spry. Is that message about Butler Won't you respectfully ask your Monkey to come down P
fax ? Don't snarl my yarn. Punch. „ Cxrant.

[ To President Grant.

ments, as he thought that there must be some mistake. P of ?om' RePs-> as ^ ±actl0US- Punch.

Mr. Punch looked—only once—but it was more than enough—at To Lord Punch.

the dawdling and blundering messenger. You Britishers don't understand us, and, please the pigs, you

lo make a generous settlement on his widow, and to dispatch his never ^ Am I the President of this here free and enlightened

successor to the telegraph office, was the work of a moment. Republic, or am I not ? And don't I know my own subjects—

lnis was the reply:— sovereigns, I mean ? Sum up that, and pass the bottle to Gran-

To Lord Punch. ville, with my sentiments of estimation. You'll spile your di-

My sakes and gracious and deliverance ! You donH make no ' ^estion if ?ou %° on WODblin&' and ?ou ^ a y°un& Perso^
count of that bunkum ? Take half a single squinny at it, and vou '11 „, „ „ CtRant.

see straight. Grant

Then came these exchanges :—

To President Grant.

To President Grant.

Ulysses, I shall " wobble " as much as I please, and I scorn your
allusion to pigs. Granville drinks with me and thinks with me.
Will you rescind that Resolution, or make your Senate pass an

rRiibiubJM ixkani. opposite one, lamenting that the Fenians were not spinicated, and

1 don t know what a squinny means, and I do want to know what promising to take an early opportunity of rectifying that error ?
y0Mmean- Punch. I Punch.