Punch (60.1871)

84

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 4, 1871.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

onday, February 20. The
Bishop of Winchester
promoted a Bill for allow-
ing aged or infirm Parsons
to retire on a moderate
pension, deducted from the
income of the benefice. Dr.
Wilberforce advocated
the measure with his usual
ability. _ Lord Romilly
opposed it, considering that
it would work hardly as
regarded aged clergymen,
and unfairly towards the
patron. But Lord Salis-
bury explained that it
would not work at all unless
the clergyman himself set
it going, and even Lord
Cairns thought the patron
sufficiently protected. Head
a Second Time.

Captain Stacpoole
asked Mr. Gladstone whe-
ther Government would not
propose to Parliament to
give the Oueen a Palace in
Ireland. The Premier
could not return a definite
answer, but said that the question had been for some time " in
the view " of the Cabinet. It may be as well to bracket, with this
intimation, another. The Irish Secretary asks for a Select Committee
to inquire into the state of a portion of Ireland, and feels obliged
to demand that this Committee should be Secret. That is, Irish
witnesses would be afraid to speak the truth openly. These facts,
being prosaic, you shall have another, which is not. At the Galway
election a priest sent for soap, a towel, and a basin, and, in token of
his repudiation of the proceedings, vehemently washed his hands
before the people. Everybody was amused, except those who stood
near his reverence, whose name is Conway. For he splashed them
mightily, and they

"Frowned 'under ' Conway's foaming flood.'

The University Tests Bill in Committee. Incidents worth note
occurred. Mr. Stevenson proposed that Degrees in Divinity should
be obtained without subscription to formula, that is, that the Divine
should not be asked what sort of divinity he believed in, but only
how much divinity he knew. Fight, and Mr. Gladstone victorious
by the aid of the Conservatives—numbers 185 to 140—majority,
observe, 45. Significant cheering from the trans-gangway men on
the Liberal side. Then Mr. Fawcett proposed that the taking of
Holy Orders should not be a condition of being elected to office in
the Universities. Fight, and again Mr. Gladstone victorious by
the aid of the Conservatives—numbers 182 to 160—majority, observe,
only 22. Still more significant cheering from trans-gangway men.
Mr. Fawcett then pointed out how these triumphs had been ob-
tained, and bade Mr. Gladstone Ponder. The Premier said that
he had pondered, and that the decision of the Government was irre-
vocable. Mr. Cavendish Bentinck moved that where a donor or
founder had declared that an office should be held only by a Church-
man, the will of that benefactor should be respected, but Mr. Glad-
stone declined to see this. The Bill has passed the Commons.

Then, by Mr. Forster, was the enactment of Vote by Ballot
introduced as a Government measure.

"We hasten to denounce the Scheme. First, it is un-English. For
the word Ballot is derived from the French word Ballotte. But that
is not all. Ballotte means a Ball used in voting. Therefore,
Secondly, the ballot is a falsity. No ball is to be used. The people
are not allowed suffragia per sphcerulis mittere—there is no ballota-
tion. The vote is to be given on a piece of paper.

These objections are stronger than any which were advanced in
answer to Mr. Forster. But stop, we have not explained his plan.

Ballot is _ to be used both in Parliamentary and Municipal

Elections.
Voting paper to be an official paper.
Not to be given to the Voter till he enters booth.
No mark to be made on it, except what indicates the way he

votes.
No signature.

[ You think this surplusage, do you ? The head of a
most eminent firm of solicitors signed a voting paper
for the School Board Ballot.
Personation to be punished as Treating is.

Candidate, whose agents procure personation, loses seat.
No Scrutiny.

No Committees in Public-houses.
No Nomination, and ) • n- ,

No Declaration of Poll [ 111 Public' Hoora3r!
Expenses of Hustings to be paid by Constituency.

There! So a man may vote as Secretly as he likes. But there is no
clause against his roaring down the street (like Tom, son of the
Piper) the name of his candidate—no hindrance to his coming out
shouting that he has voted for Brown and Jones—no punishment
in case that statement is false. The enemies of the measure are
terribly afraid that a married voter will devote months to the inven-
tion of a deep and dark scheme for deceiving his wife as to his vote,
and that misery will be caused in a family by reason of the wife's
having suspected that her lord, talking blue, went red. Mr. Punch,
himself married, went red at the idea that such duplicity could
enter into any one's imagination. Mr. Hope expressed his convic-
tion that the Attorney-mind of England would find some way to
defeat the object of the Bill. Read a First Time.

Tuesday. In a discussion in the Lords, Earl Grey made a
severely just remark upon the excessive carelessness with which out-
laws are drawn up. He was right. There was once an oath enacted,
and it was called the Et Cetera oath, because the taker was bidden
to swear that so-and-so, 8fc, were true.

Lord Oranmore above, and Mr. Johnstone below, bothered again
about Mr. Gladstone's very proper letter about the Pope. We
wish that nobody would make any answer to such botheration. By
the way, our opinion of His Holiness, always high, has been raised
by an interesting letter in the Telegraph, one of whose correspon-
dents, an Englishman, has had an interview with the Holy Father.
The Pope held out his hand, and on its being explained that the
Englishman, introduced as an artist, was an author, Pius said, in
choice Italian:—" There are artists in words as well as in
colours. Scott was a painter, and Byron a sculptor, but Shak-
speare was both at once ! " The Pope_ added, "Ah, quel Shakis-
pare ! Che gigante ! che autore ! Egli e il piu grande di tutti gli
artisti!" In delivering which judgment of the Divine Williams,
the great Divine of the Catholic Church was better than passively
infallible, for he was actively wise. Mr. Punch respectfully salutes
His Holiness.

Lord Malmesbury, and somebody in the Commons, have been
asking why Lord Lyons and our Consul took themselves out of
Paris during the siege instead of watching over their distressed
countrymen. The answer as to the Ambassador is satisfactory, he
had diplomatic duties wherever the French Government might be.
The reply in the other case is, that the Consul had leave to go, and
that our distressed countrymen were warned that they had better go
too. Easy to say.

Mr. Trevelyan made an able speech on Army Organisation, but
his object was to turn out the Duke of Cambridge. Whereon there
was lively debate, and it is needless to say that our friend H.R.H.
(whom, differences of opinion, which should never alter friendship,
apart, Mr. Punch holds in both honour and liking, neither of which
will prevent his coming out with the most stunning Cartoon about
the C. in C. at need) found plenty of defenders. The smart speech
was, of course, Mr. Bernal Osborne's. He asked after. the Band
of Bounding Brothers who were to have executed splendid Reform
feats in this debate, and claimed for himself the credit of having
turned the Serpentine through the Augean Stable at the Horse
Guards. Mr. Trevelyan's motion failed—201 to 83.

Wednesday. Mr. Plimsoll wished to go on with a Mercantile
Shipping Biil. It is hugely needed for a host of reasons, besides
that there is a very unpleasant idea afloat that vessels not likely to
remain so, are sent out with a view to—the insurance money. Gov-
ernment promised an instalment of legislation, so the_ Bill was
drawn. It is due to gentlemen interested ^in shipping to say that
several of them expressed an ardent desire to hang anybody who
could be proved guilty of the atrocity above suggested.

Thursday. Lord Carnarvon—by the way, we were very glad^ to
read that measures are being adopted for the preservation of the
magnificent Castle that bears his name. It is a noble pile, and
though the last time Mr. Punch visited it he saw it to some disad-
vantage, as it was nearly full of some kind of Welsh Methodists
(most respectable, and probably most pious), who came m then-
thousands, and all in black dress coats; the view from the iiagie
Tower would have gratified Mr. Punch much, only he did not go
up, because the day was hot. He would speak well of the icea
soda-water at the hotel, only he could not get any, the YVeisn
Methodists aforesaid having methodically drank it all—excuse tnesc
details—Lord Carnarvon attacked the Government Army ™*ff >
as patchworkv and inadequate. Lord Northbrook deienaeait.
The Duke of Cambridge declared, with touching earnestness, mai,
he really was an Army Reformer, and that he cared for nothing dui,
the comfort and efficiency of the soldier. The Lords talked wai
De la Warr finishing—till 10.