Punch: Punch (60.1871)

February 11, 1871.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

After the warm rains of summer the lawn is often,
within a few hours, covered with crops of the fungus
(Lycoperdon plumbeum) commonly called Puff-ball.
This globular member of the mushroom family may sug-
gest to advertising tradesmen Puff-balls of another
species. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, or any-
one else who is solicitous for the good of trade, might
give a series of balls, at which each article of dress worn
j should be ticketed with its price, and the shop at which
Now, then, see what you ve Done wi' Yous Lakkin'! I wouldn't Care it was bought. These balls would be appropriately deno-

but—RIGHT AFORE TOE CUSTOMER'S WlNDES. 1 " ' mindted Puff-Balls.

AN EYE TO BUSINESS.

ARCADIA.

This advertisement is redolent of pure country air,
and comes to us in a refreshing fashion, at this season of
leaden fog, disagreeable enough to Mr. Punch, though
pined after by his friend Dr. Russell, amid the viler fogs
of Versailles:—

WANTED, immediately, a respectable domesticated
FAEMEB'S DAUGHTER, or one accustomed to a Farm-
House, to assist the mistress in the work, no girl kept, only a boy;
she would be treated as a daughter. One that can milk and play
the piano "will be preferred. High salary not given, stating age,
salary, &c—Address, A.B.C., Post Office, &c.

To be treated as a Daughter, to have no rival girl in
the regards of her mistress-mother, to milk the cow,
and to play the piano. What an enviable life ! High
salary not given. We should think not. Who could
want salary in a home like this ? We have not heard
of milk and music in such contiguity, since the days of
dear Mrs. Fitzwilliam (not easily forgotten are that
pleasant face and sweet voice) who was wont to sing—

" To the fields I carry my milking-pail,
On a May day morning early."

iVos etiam in Arcadia, but it was a long time ago, and
now we are told that we ought not to go even into t^e
Burlington Arcade, for fear of seeing unworthy foil ?.
But here is "Arcady again." Happy Domesticated
Farmer's Daughter!

FUNGUS AND FASHION.

AN IMPORTANT ARRIVAL.

"The War has brought to London"—not Jules Favre, not
M. Thiers, not General Trochu, not distinguished foreign Musi-
cians and Painters—but'' the Adviser of many of the ruling Sovereigns
of Europe. Madame-. Clairvoyante and Chiromanciste, of world-
wide renown, 5, -Street, ■-Square. From one to five o'clock.

Fee from one to three guineas."

What an opportunity for all those uneasy people who are inquisi-
tive about the future, and have a guinea in their pocket to pay for
the perilous luxury of fore-knowledge ! The street will be impas-
sable from one to five o'clock. The police will have to attend to
preserve order amongst the struggling crowd, and to regulate the
throng of carriages.

There is one omission in the advertisement. The " Adviser " does
not specify her Royal clients by name, or append the testimonials
she has received from them vouching for her skill. A chiropodist
would have taken care to do this. She is wise to say " ruling Sove-
reigns : " otherwise folks might have thought the Emperor Napo-
leon, the Pope oe Rome, the Queen of Spain, &c, were amongst
those she had counselled, and then even English people, gullible as
they are, would hardly have swallowed her bait.

WAYS AND MEANS.

The way to get a place worth having in a Dockyard, is to prove
by competition that you are unfit for it.

The way to get a piece accepted by a Manager is to let him know
that you are " chums " with all the critics.

The means whereby you may be quit of a serious relation, who is
likewise a serious nuisance, is to take him to the Derby, and send
his wife his photograph, as he appeared at Cremorne afterwards.

The way (if you are a critic) to find out whether an amateur
stage-writer is engaged on a new play, is to ask him a great favour.

The way to make your wife entrust you with a latchkey is to
tumble over the mat, and abuse it awfully whenever she sits up
for you.

EDUCATIONAL LUXURIES.

The next generation will be well trained. Drill and gymnastic
exercises, music, and swimming, are already proposed as_ very
desirable acquirements for those who come under the _ operation of
the new law. But this is not all. " We are in a position to state "
that it is the intention of our leading educationists gradually to
propose the following important additions to the curriculum of all
schools to be establisbed under the Act:—

Hieroglyphics.
Anatomy.
Bezique.
Calisthenics
and

Dancing.
Etiquette.
Croquet.
Logarithms.
Biding.

Water-colours.

Political Economy.

There are people old-fashioned enough to think that it might be
as well to give our poor neglected children only plain joints at first
—reading, writing, arithmetic, &c.,—and to let the entrees stand
over for the present.

A TACIT AGREEMENT.

The London School Board has been hotly discussing the question,
proposed by the Rev. j. Mee, and Mr. Smithies, doubtless with
excellent intentions, that each meeting of the Board, which consists
of members who differ as to theology, should, before proceeding to
discussion, unite in prayer. It would be difficult to devise any form
of words for that purpose in which they would all agree to join.
That difficulty might be evaded by the arrangement that, on coming
together, they should, in the first place, all stand or kneel a certain
time with their faces in their hats. But this expedient would
require that the Board should be composed exclusively of gentlemen.
The simplest and perhaps the best plan would be for them simply to
sit stilly in silence, for five or ten minutes. During that time the
secularists present might at least give their minds to meditation.
A School Board, with a view to efficiency, should constitute itself,
as nearly as possible, a Society of Friends.