Punch: Punch (60.1871)

108

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 18, 1871.

RETRIBUTION.

"What's the Matter, Mamma?" "Toothache, Dearest." "0 dear! What Tooth is it?" "Wisdom Tooth."
" Wisdom Tooth ! Ah ! I suppose that's the dreadful Tooth that Knows all about the French Irregular Verbs !"

POOR JOE.

(Itespectf idly Dedicated to the Eight Honourable Joachim G-sch-n,
M.P., by his friend, Mr. Punch.)

Air.—"Poor Jack."

Go, call me a lubber, a swab all at sea,

Green-hand, Johnny Haw, if you like ;
The right sort of Board to hold on to give me,

And it ain't to a sailor I '11 strike.
Though as Landsman at first with sea-Lords I 've to fight,

They '11 find their Board's head isn't Wood;
1 should like to see Dacres from Goschen take flight,

And to Halifax steer,—if he could.'
Avast! and don't think me a spooney so soft

For a squall at first start to turn back;
I've no doubt there's a Providence looks out aloft

For poor Joe, as he does for poor Jack.

Constructors, Controllers, and First Lords, in fray

Over high and low free-boards and sich.
Have been fighting for years, each to get his own way,

And his rival to leave in a ditch.
But with temper and tact at the helm in J. G.

No more tempests in tea-cups shall grow;
Those who choose to go straight shall go smoothly for me,

Nor my word find a word and a blow.
Fools who brave the wind's eye in a squall are caught oft,

When wise men make their port by a tack;
I know what a head's worth, for going aloft,

Though my name may be Joe, and not Jack.

And when in the wrong—as, however I try

To be right, I may happen to be—
Of argument showing I'm right I '11 fight shy,

Nor strive to prove all fools but me!

For opinion's wide, and there's room for us all,

Reids, Robinsons, Goschens, and more;
Why should heads of an office to loggerheads fall,

Sea or Land Lords, afloat or on shore ?
If I fail—all's a hazard—my head's not so soft

To be ta'en, e'en by ship-wreck, aback ;
So let's stick to the ship, boys, whose flag flies aloft—

Friendship's ensign—the Union Jack.

Now-a-days a First Lord should be, every inch,

Like a foot-and-a-half plated ship ;
For broadside of House nor of Press ought to flinch,

Nor his own judgment's moorings let slip.
Let the newspaper chaps be his foes or his friends,

Treat him daily to soft-soap or sting ;
Public int'rest, the Service, must still be his ends,

While he leaves town and press to their fling.
Case-hardened in time, though at first ne'er so soft,

He '11 find both his brow and his back,
And he '11 say, as I say, '' Crack your cheeks, winds, aloft,

You '11 no more fright poor Joe than poor Jack ! '"'

A Useful Manual.

" Mixing in Society." What does this book teach ? How to mix
salad, how to mix punch, how to mix summer beverages, how not
to mix wines ? If so, we will buy the volume without any needless
delay, and exhaust the edition by presenting copies of it to all our
young friends just beginning life.

L.e Nom Ne Vaut Rien.

In France Alsace and Lorraine go together. When there was an
Alsace in London, it was a territory where 'twas impossible there
could be any Law-reign.