Punch (60.1871)

222 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 3, 1871.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

R. Punch did not
adhere to his re-
solve not to
return to Parlia-
ment until after
the Derby Day.
He could not re-
main sulky in
his tent.

Though raging
still, amid his
navy sat
The stern Achilles,
stedfast in his
hate,
Nor mixed in com-
bat, nor in
council joined,
While wasting
cares lay heavy
on his moind,

the hero, Punch,
is cast in a more
heroic mould,
and can forgive
those who have
wronged him,
especially when
resentment be-
comes a bore. So
there he was again in his place on Friday, May 19, as ever was.

He looked into the Lords, and heard something about the Natural
History Collection Building at South Kensington. Mr. Water-
house is to be the architect, and judging by what Mr. Punch has
seen of that gentleman's work at Manchester and elsewhere, the
business could not be in better hands. By the way, ha! ha! but
we are always so overflowing with wit) would not Mb.. Waterhottse
be the party to construct an Aquarium? ("Ever the same mad
wag.")

We should have taken red ink, typical of blushing, to write this
paragraph, but we remembered that our readers would not see it.
They will please to consider Mr. Punch in an advanced state of
erubescence, and they, that is the British Nation, will hang out the
same token, when the words "Wellington Monument" are read.
We hasten over details. Me. Collmann is to superintend Mr.
Stephens, and £9000 more is to be paid, that is, £22,000 in all, and
the monument is to be ready in two years and a half. We shall be
in St. Paul's Cathedral (either having been solemnly deposited there
by_ an adoring and weeping country, or having walked in, shoving
aside the dirty curtain) on the penultimate Friday of November,
1873, when if the monument be not finished, let those who are con-
cerned Look Out.

There was a debate in the Commons on the Second Reading of the
Westmeath Bill. In fact there were three morning sittings on it.
Out of the 103 Irish Members, only 22 opposed it, and this respect-
able minority quarrelled, and split into three halves, or thereabouts.
But the only speaker Mr. Punch notices is Mr. John Martin, of
Meath. He was a sort of successor to John Mitchell, and started a
paper called the Irish Felon, but was much too good a fellow for the
work be thought he could do, and he only got a year's imprison-
ment when the retribution came. He is described as " a decent,
God-fearing Presbyterian," but sticks to his crotchets about an
independent Oireland. He really spoke very well, from his point of
view, and intimated that the Irish had no objection to be ruled by
the Queen, but declared that they would not be ruled by the
English. We rather thought that things were the other way, and
that the 103 Irish Members had a good deal to do with ruling
England—it was certainly so when the last Reform Bill was passed,
and arrangements were made in opposition to the wishes of the
Members for England. But that's a trifle between friends. The
Bill was read a Second Time by 293 to 11, a previous division giving
its enemies 12, by reason that Alan Plantagenet, Lord Garlies,
got into the adverse party by mistake. He is son of Lord Gallo-
way, but to-night showed, that unlike Pistol, he "knew not Gallo-
way nags," and went into the wrong stable. However, like a brave
Plantagenet, he stood up and avowed his error.

Mr. Chadwick wanted a Committee to consider the injustice of
the Income-tax, which injustice he ably expounded. Of course
Chancellor Low-Low made the usual answer, but only got a
majority of 9 against Mr. Chadwick. To be sure, there were only
103 Members present, to discuss a matter of so little interest.

Monday. In the Lords there was some talk about the American

hope that England had made no " apology." _ Lord Granville
rode away, upon a question of form, from giving explanations.
Lord Russell claimed for Parliament, as the Great Council of the
Nation, the right to advise the Crown, and he protested against
ratification of the Treaty until the Houses had been consulted. Mr.
Punch holds himself unfortunate when he differs from (some folks-
write " differs with ") the fine Old Whig, but rather thinks that the
Crown, that is the Ministers, are responsible for diplomatic arrange-
ments. So held Lords Grey and Cairns.

Then, turning into the Commons, Mr. Punch heard Mr. Bruce
promise an early Bill for Regulating Public Houses, and for suspend-
ing any further issue of Licences, and for their better distribution.
This may be called Law for the Bungs of the Future. He also
intimated that the police would be severe against betting houses,
and betting advertisements. This, when all the Derby books were
pretty well made up, savoured of shutting the door when the steed
was in the paddock.

Mr. Douglas Straight asked a question about some juveniles who
have been sent to prison for risking their lives to steal spent bullets
at Aldershott. It appears that the brats give a great deal of
trouble in this way, but whether a sentinel, with a thin cane, might
not do the preventive work, instead of the children being sent to
gaol, is a question that may be asked. The parents, who send their
offspring on such perilous errands, should be got at. Mr. Bruce
would not interfere.

The Colonels made fresh attacks on the Purchase Bill. If any-
body doubted its being a rational Bill, that doubt was removed
to-night. Mr. Whalley announced that he should give it his
heartiest opposition. Mr. Cardwell warmed up, and let fly at
speakers, who said the same thing over and over again.

Mr. Bruce has promised a Bill against bringing Dogs into the
Parks. We fear that this is only intended to benefit the rider* in
Rotten Row, but if he would exclude the gangs of dogs, chiefly
mongrels for whom hemp should dangle, who are brought to the
water in the Parks, and kept yelping and howling, all the summer
evenings, for the amusement of cads, the pleasures and tranquillity
of these retreats (now perfectly lovely) would be much promoted.

Tuesday. The Germans have behaved admirably in regard to the
English colliers which they sank in the Seine. They instantly dis-
claimed any intention of being rude; they did not ill-treat the
crews ; they begged Lord Granville to put his own price on the
ships, and when he sent in our bill for £7073, Count Bernstorfp
handed his lordship a cheque for the amount, and thanked him for
taking the trouble of arranging details. This is no time to poke fun
at Frenchmen, or we should ask what they think of the barbarian
Borussians, and also whether they think that any of their own
Governments would have conducted the business so gracefully.

Adjournment for the Derby Day being moved, up rose Mr. Thomas
Hughes. He protested against the proposal.

" He had observed since he had been in the House a disposition to compare
our races to the Isthmian Games. They might as well compare the Grand
Stand with the Parthenon, or ' Dorling's Correct' with a play of iEscHYLUS.
At the Isthmian Games all that was the most noble and vigorous in the man-
hood of Greece had met together in competition, the reward of which was a
chaplet of leaves. English races were courses on which all the rascality of
the country was called together—to enter into a competition the reward of
which was a scramble for pounds, shillings, and pence."

Nevertheless Parliament did adjourn for the Derby Day, and so
did the Court that was trying the Tichborne Case. But the Revisers
of " The Book" sat in their quiet Jerusalem Chamber, and did
pious Work, while all the rest of the world went to Epsom.

The Commons rejected all Lord Salisbury's "amendments" to
the University Tests Bill, but, avowedly as a sop to the Lords,
Mr. Gladstone consented to enact that the Colleges should provide
religious instruction for members of the Church, and carried this by
197 to 165. On another division, service in the chapels was com-
manded by 229 to 99.

Perhaps it was felt that Water was not a proper thing to talk
about on a day when people were packing champagne. Anyhow
the House would not pass a Resolution, moved by Mr. Kay Shuttle-
worth, to the effect that London was not, and ought to be, better
supplied with pure water.

Wednesday. At the Epsom afternoon sittings, Baron Rothschild,
M.P., moved that Mr. T. French should take his seat on Favonius.
There was no opposition. Mr. Merry, M.P., then moved that Mr.
Snowden should take his seat on King of the Forest. Agreed.
Mr. H. Chaplin, M.P., moved that Mr. Jeeeery should take his
seat on the Pearl. The House of Commons having thus taken its
part in preparing the great spectacle of the day, the other arrange-
ments were made, and the first-mentioned Honourable Member
obtained the Blue Ribbon of the Turf, the second legislator taking
equal honours with a gentleman named Cartwright, who placed
Mr. Custance on Albert Victor. This is the Parliamentary view of

---- ----- ------— -----—„ ^^^v,^ the business ; for the rest, vide Mr. Punch on his Derby Prophecy.

Treaty. Mr. Punch saw no reason to object to Lord Lauderdale's | A missionary friend, whose touching narrative of the conversion of