Punch (60.1871)

254

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 17, 1871.

SOCIAL SCIENCE FOR LADIES.

(A " Cram Catechism'''' for Young Ladies. Intended to "Supply a

Want.")

Q. 1. Do you ever read the newspapers ?

*** The answer that " I always look at the ' Births, Deaths,
and Marriages,' " is not sufficient. For a daily exercise,
Ladies will lind once up and down the inner sheet of the
Times, and twice round the Morning Post, excellent
practice.

Q. 2. What is a Premier ?

Who is the Premier now ?

Q. 3. Is he in the House of Lords or Commons ?

*** Though we say it who shouldn't—though if we didn't,
who wouldn't ?—the best information on all such important
social subjects will he obtained in the shortest possible way
by a reference to Mr. Punch's Pocket-Booh.

Q. 4. Besides writing (recently) Lothair, what has Me. Disraeli
ever done ?

Q. 5. And, by the way, who is Mr. Disraeli ?
Q. 6. What is a Whig ? What is a Tory ?

Q. 7. How many Members of Parliament do you personally know ?

Q. 8. For what places are they, individually, Members '?

Q. 9. Who are the Orleans Princes?

Q. 10. How many Lord Chancellors are there ?

Q. 11. How many Lord Chief Justices are there ?

Q. 12. Who won the Derby last year ?

Q. 13. Where is the Argentine Republic ?

Q. 14. Is Truro in Spain ? if not, where ?

Q. 15. Such of the French Insurgents as are not executed will be
transported to New Caledonia. Where is New Caledonia ?

And, apropos, could you describe correctly the Caledonians ?

Q. 16. Where are pins made? and needles? Have you hitherto
supposed that they were found in mines ?

Q. 17. Can you distinguish one overture from another directly you
hear it ? Is Rossini alive ? If not, what was his date ?

Q. 18. Can you make a salad? If so, how ? When are quails in
season ?

Q. 19. Have you ever seen the Stock Exchange ? If not, where do
you think it is ?

*** It is not a sufficient answer to say, " It's somewhere in
the City."

Q. 20. Where is Manchester ? Is it a great commercial seaport ?

Q. 21. Which were invented first, steamboats or railways ?

Q. 22. Did you ever hear of taxes ? What benefit does the Quee:n
derive from them ?

Q. 23. Can you go all round the world by land, or not ? If not,
at what point are you obliged to go by sea ?

Q. 24. Describe exactly the position of New Zealand with refer-
ence to the Esquimaux country ?

Q. 25. Are the Scilly Islands in the Mediterranean, or near St.

Helena ? If neither one nor the other, then state where they are,
and where is St. Helena ?

Q. 26. What is an Exon in Waiting ?

*** The answer that an 4'Exon" in waiting, is, at this
present moment, any future possible Bishop of Exeter is
mere trifling ?

Q. 27. Mention the name of any three Bishops on the Bench
besides the Bishop oe Winchester?

Q. 28. May Bishops dance ? is there any law, either civil or
ecclesiastical, against it? If not, what isprcemunire f

Heads of Families will do well to hold weekly General Knowledge
Examinations for the Ladies of their households, adopting the above
pa i a model.

Of course Paterfamilias would be compelled to give, also weekly,
a handsome something as a reward of merit to the first-class prize-
woman, who must immediately complain to Mr. Punch if she
doesn't get it. But Mr. Punch sincerely hopes that she may.

"WANTED, A FEW FINE ACTIVE YOUNG MEN!"

A War-Office order has directed that the height of recruits is to
be increased from 5 feet 4^ inches to 5 feet 5 inches.

It's all very well to raise the standard, but will the recruits flock
to it ? They don't so much object to the flag, but the colours they
like best are the colours of John Bell's money—the yellow of the
sovereign, and the white of the pay shilling.

" No bounty, and no pension ?—a short service, but not a merry
one! "

Hm!—as the Chelsea Prophet says. That old fisher of men, Serjeant
Kite, might be a thundering liar, but he geffged his gudgeon.
Cardwell can't. R,ecruits won't rise to his present bait. He must
try a new cast, and a fresh fly.

AGAIN ALREADY?

Has a Noble Nation not had enough of interfering with its neigh-
bours ? Will it not have as much as is good for it to attempt if it
confine itself for some time to come to minding its own business ?
Not so, thirik the Legitimists ; at the offices of whose provincial
journals an address to be presented to the Pope on the 16th of June
lies for signature, terminating as follows :—

" May France, restored and regenerated, soon lend once more the aid of her
avenging arm to her oppressed father."

The Bourbonists appear, like the Bourbons, to have learned
nothing, but, unlike them, to have forgotten much. Forgetful,
seemingly, of the consequences of the mistake made by a Noble
Nation in attacking United Germany, they now propose, as soon as
they are in power, that it shall assail Italian Unity. Or do they
remember the mistake well enough, but think it will not be repeated
by a Noble Nation in attacking a neighbour whom they believe to
be a weaker one ? May the Noble Nation not again commit a crime,
which, if committed, will, it is to be hoped, again prove a blunder
even greater than the last.

GOING TO THE BAD.

All the way from the National Gallery

Unto the Royal Academy
As I walked, I was guilty of raillery,

Which I felt was very bad o' me.

Thinking of Art's disasters,
Still sinking to deeper abysses,

I said, " From the Old Masters
Why go to the new misses ? "

PUNCH'S PRIZE CONUNDRUM FOR JUNE.
{Given last week.)
Everybody has Won the Prize. Virtue is its own Reward.
We scorn to deceive you, the answer is

MAHOGANY.

The Picture of the Season.

During the late remarkable weather, the thermometer, for several
days together, standing under 60°, everyone who had been to see the
R.A. Exhibition was sensibly reminded of Mr. MlllaIS thill
October.