Punch (60.1871)

256

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 24, 1871.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT

O PPOS1TIOJ*. N

the debate Mb,. Disraeli was as well as could be expected, consider-
ing that he had been suffering all day from the knowledge, shared
by everybody else, that this course was going to be taken.

There was a deal of smart talk, of course, chiefly at the expense of
the Cabinet, which had so much difficulty in getting its cart uphill,
that it had thrown out nearly all the luggage taken up at the
beginning of the Session. '' Is this all that I am to have for all the
money I am to ask that gentleman for ? " will be Britannia's query,
as she points at the Income-tax payer. However, we must take
what we can get, and Mr. Gladstone, as the Pioneer of the British
Army, must now hew his way through the enchanted forest of
Military Vested Interests.

After an announcement by Me. Bruce that nothing is to be done
about the Game Laws this year, we had more Army debates, and
divers divisions, whereof Mr. Punch means to say only that the
Marquis of Lorne, M.P. for Argyllshire, appeared in his place, was
heartily congratulated by friends, and voted with his august
mother-in-law's Government.

Lord Justice Christian, of Ireland, learned Judge, and some-
time Liberal Minister, has astonished divers by discovering and
giving judgment to the effect, that the Irish Land Act—the great
work of a recent Session, does not give the Ulster Tenant the security
which it certainly was intended to give. He would recognise no
such tenant-right, and described the intention as one of confiscation.
He is stated to have used language of exceeding severity in reference
to the Act, and the objects of its authors; but he desires it to be
understood that he is incorrectly reported. However, so important
was his decision, that, long before the week was out, Lord Cairns
brought in a Bill for declaring the Ulster rights ; and perhaps the
Conservative scoff at the cleverness of those who did not frame
their statute so as to effect their intentions may be pardonable.
But we shall never have good laws until they are edited. Editing
is the greatest invention in the world.

The Army, and India, occupied the Commons ; and on the latter
subject Mr. Fawcett and Mr. Grant Duef had some sharp words,
and. of course, on another night, they professed the utmost regard
for one another. What was the subject P 0! nothing particular.
Mr. Fawcett thinks that Indian finance is abominably managed,
he fact is, that when Lord Russell likes to speak, he j and all the natives groan under oppression • and Mr. Grant Duef

thinks that it is managed admirably, and that India is a reproduc-
tion of Paradise, with improvements.

Tuesday. The Dissenters triumphed over Lord Salisbury. The
House of Lords, by a large majority, too, 129 to 89, agreed with the
Commons in rejecting the Marquis's new University Tests, and
Lord Salisbury, like a gentleman, gave up all his other points,
instead of contesting them against the feeling of the House._ There-
fore let there be joy in Jireh, shouting in Salem, laughter in Little
Bethel, ecstasy in Ebenezer, bumptiousness in Bethesda, and zest in
Zoar, for the last of the Dissenting grievances (save one) is_taken
away, and the young Non-conformist may go up into the Universi-
ties, and crown himself with all carnal glory. Nor shall the Dis-
senters rejoice alone, for Mr. Punch shall partake their joy, believ-
ing that the abolition of such Tests is a right and wise thing.
Mourn not, dear old Mother Church, for thou shalt thus obtain
many new children, many of a bright sort. Dost believe, dear old
lady, that those who have dwelled with the stately Graces of thine
old Colleges will be content to go back to Dowdyism'? Thou'lt see.
"We shall have a Calvinistic Eight on the water one of these days,
pulling like mad against High Church and Broad Church, and after-
wards fraternising with the orthodox, and drinking pale ale, as if
Calvin had never burned Servetus.

always says something which wise men like to hear.
But for some reason, which may be a good one,
for that Earl is not accustomed to act unreasonably, he takes
the utmost care to be, for the most part, inaudible. He chose
to be so to-night, Monday, June 12, but he was understood to be
strongly objecting to the American Treaty. It was defended by
Lord Granville, and accepted by Lord Derby, though he did
not hugely admire it. Lord de Grey (who is to be made a marquis
for his services in negotiating it) vindicated the course of the British
diplomatists, and complimented Mr. Fish. Lord Cairns thought
that the Treaty ought to be ratified, and Lord Salisbury thought
that all we had got by it was the advantage of calming the sensi-
bilities of the American people, whom our Government persisted in
treating as the spoiled child in the nursery of nations. An impor-
tant subject was discussed in a befitting manner, which is to be
regretted, as no scope was afforded for diverting treatment of the
debate.

However, the Commons made amends-but first, Mr. Punch

desires to call attention to a little speech by the Great Master of
Language. Sir Houndell Palmer had put on the paper an elabo-
rate question about the above-mentioned Treaty, a question that
reads like a Chancery interrogatory, and contains about five-and-
twenty lines without a full stop. To which Mr. Gladstone an-
swered :—

" I observe that the question uses words selected with great care, and those
words have also been carefully considered by us in order to avoid entering into
any details in replying to the question, because I can assure him by a simple
affirmative that the understanding expressed in that question is the under-
standing which Her Majesty's Government attach to the rule inquired
about."

If anything can be neater than this, or if anybody ever saved
himself trouble more elegantly, Mr. Punch would like to know the
instance.

Then came the eternal Army Bill. But there was deviation from
the ordinary dulness, and iterations by

" Captain, and Colonel, and Knight in Arms."—Milton.

Government having discovered that there was no particular chance
of carrying the Bill in its entirety, solemnly Divided it in two, gave
to the winds the Organisation portion (except as regards the taking
away the power of Lords Lieutenant), and announced that it was
only absolutely necessary to carry the Abolition of Purchase. Mr.
Disraeli was, of course, suddenly filled with impromptu dismay,
and had been caused a certain degree of humiliation by the want of
candour and ingenuousness on the part of the Government. Mr.
Gladstone comforted him with much assiduity, and by the end of

Wednesday. The Commons declined by 222 to 64 to interfere with
religious education in endowed schools, and the _ Government pro-
mised, to consider during the recess, a scheme for improving medical
education. And, note, the Bill for Repealing the Ecclesiastical
Titles Act was passed. Mr. Punch respectfully salutes the Arch-
bishop of Westminster, and does so in a chivalrous spirit, because
the repeal is not yet Law.

Thursday. Lord Westbury, in an effective speech, called atten-
tion to the shameful arrears in our Great Appeal Court. The way is
choked up, and Her Majesty's subjects can get no justice.
Australia is angry, India is indignant, and with reason. Lord
Westbury insisted in having a remedy in ten days, which demand
took the Chancellor's breath away, but he managed to promise to
do Something.

Thanks to Mr. W. H. Smith, Member for Westminster, the Go-
vernment has come to a sense of the error of its ways in trying to
prig—yes, Prig—part of the Thames Embankment, for the Crown.
The Queen is the last personage to wish for anything which is not
rightfully hers, and when we say the Crown, we mean an Abstrac-
tion, for which this abstraction of land was intended. The Govern-
ment cannot exactly say that they were going to do a wrong thing,
so a Select Committee is to be appointed, and that will, we hope,
say it. Mr. Smith deserves the gratitude of London for his exer-