DOI issue:
August 22, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0086
78
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 22, 1874.
FEMALE INFLUENCE.
{Master Tommy, the hero of the cricket-field—and of a hundred fights—comes Home for the Holidays.)
Master Tommy. “ Now, then, which goes on first—the Flannel Petticoat, or this one ? ”
THE RAHWAY GAME OE EXCURSIONS.
It is not surprising, after the success that has attended Badmin-
ton, Lawn Tennis, and other out-of-door games, that the Directors
of many influential Railway Companies should have invented the
following rules for the proper playing of the above-named popular
diversion. It is only just, however, to state that, in framing these
regulations, the Directors do not accept any responsibility for any-
thing beyond that imposed by the Bye-laws of the Companies to
which they respectively belong.
The game of Excursions shall be played in a Train, with a limited
number of Carriages, with an unlimited number of Passengers.
The players shall consist of the Directors and their officers
(Station-masters and Guards) on the one .side, and of the Passengers
(representing the Public) on the other.
The game consists in the Directors and their officers obtaining the
maximum of profit out of the Public, for the minimum of comfort.
The Train h aving started, the Passengers will find themselves
sorted into three classes. The first move (which will be played by
the Directors and their officers) is called “ shunting the Train on to
a siding.” When this is done, the Passengers lose a couple of hours.
When a Train arrives at a station, the Directors and their officers
will attempt to force a number of noisy third-class ticket-holders
into first-class carriages. Should they succeed in this, the first-class
Passengers lose their patience.
Should the Passengers take the laws into their own hands and
break any rules of the Directors and their officers, they pay into the
pool forty shillings. {See Bye-laws.)
A Passenger may attempt to take a Guard into his confidence,
when it will be the duty of the Station-master to give the signal
for the starting of the train, so that the Passenger may gain no
advantage by this move.
If a Passenger complains violently to a Guard, that officer shall
be at liberty to laugh m the Passenger’s face, and shall immediately
whistle for the Train to move on.
Should a collision occur, those of the Passengers who survive shall
appeal to a Judge for compensation, when it will be the game of the
Directors and their officers to oppose the application to the full
extent of their strength and wealth.
A letter of complaint to the Newspapers will count one to the
Passengers: but, unless followed up, carries no further advantage.
To such a letter the Directors and their officers are entitled to
reply immediately with a letter of explanation, and the game com-
mences afresh.
BIG GOOSEBERRY PUDDING.
{A delicious dish for the Dull Season.)
Take a couple of fine railway accidents and chop up one or two
passengers into little bits, allowing your details to simmer steadily
through a heated fortnight’s correspondence. Add to this several
gallons of putrid milk, taking care to spread them freely over a
crowded neighbourhood. Your public will now be at boiling point.
Shred in briskly an escaped tiger, a high life scandal, and a brace of
nonagenarians, adding, if you can procure one, a storm of hail as
big as ostrich eggs. Shake the whole up with a South American
earthquake, and flavour according to taste with rumours of a
European war. Warm up when wanted over a London bonded
warehouse or Western American City or Prairie on fire, and serve
red-hot in leaded type.
Chivalry Afloat.
Among the sports of the Cowes Town Regatta, a local paper
mentions “The ancient game of QuintainKnights armed
with lances will tilt at a revolving target attached to a mast in the
water.” The reader may wonder on what steeds these aquatic
Knights can have been mounted, and perhaps conceive of this
chivalry of Neptune as horse-marines. It is even to be feared that
there are some wretches who have not hesitated to remark that such
a tournament appears less appropriate to Cowes than Ryde.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 22, 1874.
FEMALE INFLUENCE.
{Master Tommy, the hero of the cricket-field—and of a hundred fights—comes Home for the Holidays.)
Master Tommy. “ Now, then, which goes on first—the Flannel Petticoat, or this one ? ”
THE RAHWAY GAME OE EXCURSIONS.
It is not surprising, after the success that has attended Badmin-
ton, Lawn Tennis, and other out-of-door games, that the Directors
of many influential Railway Companies should have invented the
following rules for the proper playing of the above-named popular
diversion. It is only just, however, to state that, in framing these
regulations, the Directors do not accept any responsibility for any-
thing beyond that imposed by the Bye-laws of the Companies to
which they respectively belong.
The game of Excursions shall be played in a Train, with a limited
number of Carriages, with an unlimited number of Passengers.
The players shall consist of the Directors and their officers
(Station-masters and Guards) on the one .side, and of the Passengers
(representing the Public) on the other.
The game consists in the Directors and their officers obtaining the
maximum of profit out of the Public, for the minimum of comfort.
The Train h aving started, the Passengers will find themselves
sorted into three classes. The first move (which will be played by
the Directors and their officers) is called “ shunting the Train on to
a siding.” When this is done, the Passengers lose a couple of hours.
When a Train arrives at a station, the Directors and their officers
will attempt to force a number of noisy third-class ticket-holders
into first-class carriages. Should they succeed in this, the first-class
Passengers lose their patience.
Should the Passengers take the laws into their own hands and
break any rules of the Directors and their officers, they pay into the
pool forty shillings. {See Bye-laws.)
A Passenger may attempt to take a Guard into his confidence,
when it will be the duty of the Station-master to give the signal
for the starting of the train, so that the Passenger may gain no
advantage by this move.
If a Passenger complains violently to a Guard, that officer shall
be at liberty to laugh m the Passenger’s face, and shall immediately
whistle for the Train to move on.
Should a collision occur, those of the Passengers who survive shall
appeal to a Judge for compensation, when it will be the game of the
Directors and their officers to oppose the application to the full
extent of their strength and wealth.
A letter of complaint to the Newspapers will count one to the
Passengers: but, unless followed up, carries no further advantage.
To such a letter the Directors and their officers are entitled to
reply immediately with a letter of explanation, and the game com-
mences afresh.
BIG GOOSEBERRY PUDDING.
{A delicious dish for the Dull Season.)
Take a couple of fine railway accidents and chop up one or two
passengers into little bits, allowing your details to simmer steadily
through a heated fortnight’s correspondence. Add to this several
gallons of putrid milk, taking care to spread them freely over a
crowded neighbourhood. Your public will now be at boiling point.
Shred in briskly an escaped tiger, a high life scandal, and a brace of
nonagenarians, adding, if you can procure one, a storm of hail as
big as ostrich eggs. Shake the whole up with a South American
earthquake, and flavour according to taste with rumours of a
European war. Warm up when wanted over a London bonded
warehouse or Western American City or Prairie on fire, and serve
red-hot in leaded type.
Chivalry Afloat.
Among the sports of the Cowes Town Regatta, a local paper
mentions “The ancient game of QuintainKnights armed
with lances will tilt at a revolving target attached to a mast in the
water.” The reader may wonder on what steeds these aquatic
Knights can have been mounted, and perhaps conceive of this
chivalry of Neptune as horse-marines. It is even to be feared that
there are some wretches who have not hesitated to remark that such
a tournament appears less appropriate to Cowes than Ryde.