DOI Heft:
September 12, 1874
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0119
September 12. 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Ill
A LIFE BY THE OCEAN WAVE.
ortht Mr. Punch,
While yon are chained
as usual to your editorial
desk, busily slaying to
amuse and to improve
mankind in general, I am
lounging idly, free as air,
at the sea - side, doing
nothing in the world but
trying to amuse myself
and to improve my appe-
tite. Yet further to excite
your envy by contrasting
our positions, I may add
that I have been a month
here by the beach, and
have neither seen a flea,
nor heard a banjo or a
barrel-organ.
Where is this Earthly
Paradise F you will be
tempted to inquire ; but
its whereabouts wild dro-
medaries never shall drag
out of me. No, thank
you: there is now no verdure in my eye. I am not one
of those foolish, feeble-minded folk, who, when they find a pleasant
place, sit down to advertise its merits. I remember once discovering
a nook upon a river, where I was feasted like a fighting-cock for half-
a-crown a day, and where big fish could be caught as readily as
blue-bottles. In a weak moment I took thither a garrulous com-
panion, and he, like a great gander, wrote a letter to a newspaper,
and told where in the world lay this paradise for fishers. Next
season, when I went, the banks were bristling with rods, and,
instead of living grandly upon half-a-crown a day, I could scarce
get bread and cheese for less than half-a-sovereign.
Be content then if I say that I am somewhere by the sea, and not
on your side of the Channel. I love my country like a Briton for
ten months in the year, hut for the other two I am rej oiced to get
away from it. And here, where I am now, I see nothing to remind
me of the home I left behind me. I doubt if there he even a door-
mat in the place, and I have stayed here a whole month without
seeing a salt-spoon. If an Englishman could grumble, it might he
at the absence of such luxuries as these : but if he lives abroad, he
very soon discovers that they are not vital necessaries. Even with-
out a salt-spoon, I manage somehow to exist on two good meals a
day, and I pay four shillings daily for about a dozen dishes. I find
this far more pleasant to my palate and my purse, than staying in
some stuffy sea-side lodgings nearer home, where one has to waste
one’s appetite on banquets of cold mutton wellnigh every other day,
with the addition of a pudding, excepting upon Sundays.
Though I am not by any means a Sentimental Journeyman, I
must echo the opinion that some things in the world are better
managed out of England. I readily admit that Britannia rules
the waves, hut I do not admire the rules she makes for men who
venture into them. The young lady who blushed to hear the naked
truth, might see the bathing here without a change of colour.
The Tritons and sea-nymphs are all decently apparelled, and their
gambols in the water are certainly amusing. Instead of simply
standing in a ring, and bobbing up and down like the sea-nymphs
on our shores, here the fair aquatic acrobats can generally swim,
and one might call them little ducks, for their prowess in the water.
But there are other things to do here besides watching the bathers,
though this is, after all, the most popular of pastimes. There is the
never-ending pleasure of looking at the sea, and seeing its clear
green change into deep purple under every passing cloud ; and,
when the wind begins to rise, of hearing the big breakers thunder
foaming on the beach. Then there are delightful bracing climbs
upon the cliffs, where the sea-mews whirl and scream, and the larks
are still in song, and where the sportsman pricks his ears up at the
whirring of the partridge, or the twit-twit of the quail. Or, for
those who like it, there is the excitement of standing in wet sea-
weed at low tide among the rocks, and holding a long rod out in the
hope of a bite. Moreover, those who wish to taste a slice of
Paris by the sea, may sip their mazagran or absinthe, and play their
dominoes or tric-trac, and their billiards or ecarte, close beside the
beach. Once a week too here, a little after midday, the children
have a ball, and belles of seven flirt coquettishly with cavaliers of
six. Partners more mature enjoy a “dancing evening” wellnigh
every other night; and yet further to amuse us, the ball-room is
betweenwhiles turned into a theatre, where the acting is far better
than on many a larger stage.
1 cry then “am revoir ” as I pack up my portmanteau, and pre-
pare myself regretfully to quit this pleasant place. It is not often
in his life that an Englishman can hope to come home from his
holiday without some grievance on his mind to grumble and to growl
about: and, having passed a month abroad free from this mental
raw, I feel impelled by gratitude to advertise the fact; but nothing
more—not a particular as to the whereabouts of this marine para-
dise, from your own YAGABUNDUS.
Bamville-sur-Mer, Thursday, Sept. 3rd, 1874.
P.S.—The date is right enough, but I’ve invented the address:
and I send this under cover, lest you should see the postmark.
ADVERTISING OFFENCES.
ly where you will, your
eye is assailed and
wearied with an end-
less repetition of flaring
advertisements and
pictorial pufis. Of
these last some are
real nuisances. For
example:—
Full-length figures
of popular polypho-
nists and mimics in
female costume.
Portraits of the
Prince op Wales and
the Duke op Edln
burgh holding um-
brellas, or exhibiting
themselves as the
wearers of some newly-
devised garment. The
offence is often aggra-
vated by conjunction
with vulgarly-treated
likenesses of their
partners in their
lm-
Royal Highnesses’ Consorts, represented as
hecility.
Similar portraits in tailors’ shop-windows of the King op
Prussia, Prince Bismarck, Mr. Disraeli, Mr. Gladstone, and
other celebrities, fashionably attired, thus serving as it were the
purpose of dummies to set off Mr. Snip’s specialties in the way of
coats and pantaloons. Old heads and faces are set upon youthful
figures of exaggerated symmetry, with model legs, the shapely feet
encased in shiny boots ; and princes and statesmen are represented
as posing themselves or swaggering like “ gents.”
A picture of an elderly noodle in a blue coat with brass buttons, a
frilled shirt front, buff breeches, and top-boots, sitting in absurd
relation to some big loaves, and calling attention to a leaven.
A monster vignette of a pudding-headed buffoon with a bloated
face, thick lips, and a wide grinning mouth, placarded outside
music-halls.
The gigantic portrait of a square-visaged, massive-jawed old man,
with a firm-set mouth and glowering eyes, the alleged inventor of a
quack anodyne, and evidently capable of any atrocity.
A fat and flaccid Turk with a fish on a fork—the puff of some-
body’s something pickles.
A monstrous and meretricious female brushing an impossible head
of hair, the poster for some diabolical hair-dye.
The foregoing are a few examples out of many. Do they not
constitute a case for the appointment of an Officer in connection
with the Board of Works, empowered to superintend illustrated
advertisements, and prohibit all such as are public eye-sores ?
SUBSTITUTE FOR THE STEAM-WHISTLE.
The Railroad Commissioners of Massachusetts suggest that, to
lessen the annoyance caused by the ear-piercing railway-whistle,
electric signals and a bell, with flagmen at level crossings should be
substituted for it, except in the management of freight trains and
for warning of danger. Could not a steam-trumpet be exchanged
for the steam-whistle, and a silvery sound replace the iron shriek ?
In these days of mechanism it seems not too much to suggest that a
steam-trumpeter might be constructed as well, and made to play a
variety of tunes for signals, so as to delight the ears of passengers
instead of torturing them. This would be a triumph of steam,
which, if possible in itself, would doubtless tax not at all too highly
either the resources or the liberality of Railway Companies, to whom
the proposed substitute for the steam-whistle would be, in a pecu-
niary sense, the merest whistle after all.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Ill
A LIFE BY THE OCEAN WAVE.
ortht Mr. Punch,
While yon are chained
as usual to your editorial
desk, busily slaying to
amuse and to improve
mankind in general, I am
lounging idly, free as air,
at the sea - side, doing
nothing in the world but
trying to amuse myself
and to improve my appe-
tite. Yet further to excite
your envy by contrasting
our positions, I may add
that I have been a month
here by the beach, and
have neither seen a flea,
nor heard a banjo or a
barrel-organ.
Where is this Earthly
Paradise F you will be
tempted to inquire ; but
its whereabouts wild dro-
medaries never shall drag
out of me. No, thank
you: there is now no verdure in my eye. I am not one
of those foolish, feeble-minded folk, who, when they find a pleasant
place, sit down to advertise its merits. I remember once discovering
a nook upon a river, where I was feasted like a fighting-cock for half-
a-crown a day, and where big fish could be caught as readily as
blue-bottles. In a weak moment I took thither a garrulous com-
panion, and he, like a great gander, wrote a letter to a newspaper,
and told where in the world lay this paradise for fishers. Next
season, when I went, the banks were bristling with rods, and,
instead of living grandly upon half-a-crown a day, I could scarce
get bread and cheese for less than half-a-sovereign.
Be content then if I say that I am somewhere by the sea, and not
on your side of the Channel. I love my country like a Briton for
ten months in the year, hut for the other two I am rej oiced to get
away from it. And here, where I am now, I see nothing to remind
me of the home I left behind me. I doubt if there he even a door-
mat in the place, and I have stayed here a whole month without
seeing a salt-spoon. If an Englishman could grumble, it might he
at the absence of such luxuries as these : but if he lives abroad, he
very soon discovers that they are not vital necessaries. Even with-
out a salt-spoon, I manage somehow to exist on two good meals a
day, and I pay four shillings daily for about a dozen dishes. I find
this far more pleasant to my palate and my purse, than staying in
some stuffy sea-side lodgings nearer home, where one has to waste
one’s appetite on banquets of cold mutton wellnigh every other day,
with the addition of a pudding, excepting upon Sundays.
Though I am not by any means a Sentimental Journeyman, I
must echo the opinion that some things in the world are better
managed out of England. I readily admit that Britannia rules
the waves, hut I do not admire the rules she makes for men who
venture into them. The young lady who blushed to hear the naked
truth, might see the bathing here without a change of colour.
The Tritons and sea-nymphs are all decently apparelled, and their
gambols in the water are certainly amusing. Instead of simply
standing in a ring, and bobbing up and down like the sea-nymphs
on our shores, here the fair aquatic acrobats can generally swim,
and one might call them little ducks, for their prowess in the water.
But there are other things to do here besides watching the bathers,
though this is, after all, the most popular of pastimes. There is the
never-ending pleasure of looking at the sea, and seeing its clear
green change into deep purple under every passing cloud ; and,
when the wind begins to rise, of hearing the big breakers thunder
foaming on the beach. Then there are delightful bracing climbs
upon the cliffs, where the sea-mews whirl and scream, and the larks
are still in song, and where the sportsman pricks his ears up at the
whirring of the partridge, or the twit-twit of the quail. Or, for
those who like it, there is the excitement of standing in wet sea-
weed at low tide among the rocks, and holding a long rod out in the
hope of a bite. Moreover, those who wish to taste a slice of
Paris by the sea, may sip their mazagran or absinthe, and play their
dominoes or tric-trac, and their billiards or ecarte, close beside the
beach. Once a week too here, a little after midday, the children
have a ball, and belles of seven flirt coquettishly with cavaliers of
six. Partners more mature enjoy a “dancing evening” wellnigh
every other night; and yet further to amuse us, the ball-room is
betweenwhiles turned into a theatre, where the acting is far better
than on many a larger stage.
1 cry then “am revoir ” as I pack up my portmanteau, and pre-
pare myself regretfully to quit this pleasant place. It is not often
in his life that an Englishman can hope to come home from his
holiday without some grievance on his mind to grumble and to growl
about: and, having passed a month abroad free from this mental
raw, I feel impelled by gratitude to advertise the fact; but nothing
more—not a particular as to the whereabouts of this marine para-
dise, from your own YAGABUNDUS.
Bamville-sur-Mer, Thursday, Sept. 3rd, 1874.
P.S.—The date is right enough, but I’ve invented the address:
and I send this under cover, lest you should see the postmark.
ADVERTISING OFFENCES.
ly where you will, your
eye is assailed and
wearied with an end-
less repetition of flaring
advertisements and
pictorial pufis. Of
these last some are
real nuisances. For
example:—
Full-length figures
of popular polypho-
nists and mimics in
female costume.
Portraits of the
Prince op Wales and
the Duke op Edln
burgh holding um-
brellas, or exhibiting
themselves as the
wearers of some newly-
devised garment. The
offence is often aggra-
vated by conjunction
with vulgarly-treated
likenesses of their
partners in their
lm-
Royal Highnesses’ Consorts, represented as
hecility.
Similar portraits in tailors’ shop-windows of the King op
Prussia, Prince Bismarck, Mr. Disraeli, Mr. Gladstone, and
other celebrities, fashionably attired, thus serving as it were the
purpose of dummies to set off Mr. Snip’s specialties in the way of
coats and pantaloons. Old heads and faces are set upon youthful
figures of exaggerated symmetry, with model legs, the shapely feet
encased in shiny boots ; and princes and statesmen are represented
as posing themselves or swaggering like “ gents.”
A picture of an elderly noodle in a blue coat with brass buttons, a
frilled shirt front, buff breeches, and top-boots, sitting in absurd
relation to some big loaves, and calling attention to a leaven.
A monster vignette of a pudding-headed buffoon with a bloated
face, thick lips, and a wide grinning mouth, placarded outside
music-halls.
The gigantic portrait of a square-visaged, massive-jawed old man,
with a firm-set mouth and glowering eyes, the alleged inventor of a
quack anodyne, and evidently capable of any atrocity.
A fat and flaccid Turk with a fish on a fork—the puff of some-
body’s something pickles.
A monstrous and meretricious female brushing an impossible head
of hair, the poster for some diabolical hair-dye.
The foregoing are a few examples out of many. Do they not
constitute a case for the appointment of an Officer in connection
with the Board of Works, empowered to superintend illustrated
advertisements, and prohibit all such as are public eye-sores ?
SUBSTITUTE FOR THE STEAM-WHISTLE.
The Railroad Commissioners of Massachusetts suggest that, to
lessen the annoyance caused by the ear-piercing railway-whistle,
electric signals and a bell, with flagmen at level crossings should be
substituted for it, except in the management of freight trains and
for warning of danger. Could not a steam-trumpet be exchanged
for the steam-whistle, and a silvery sound replace the iron shriek ?
In these days of mechanism it seems not too much to suggest that a
steam-trumpeter might be constructed as well, and made to play a
variety of tunes for signals, so as to delight the ears of passengers
instead of torturing them. This would be a triumph of steam,
which, if possible in itself, would doubtless tax not at all too highly
either the resources or the liberality of Railway Companies, to whom
the proposed substitute for the steam-whistle would be, in a pecu-
niary sense, the merest whistle after all.