DOI issue:
October 3, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0151
October 3, 1874.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 143
THE EYE OF FAITH.
“0 MY ! WHAT A LOT OF CURRANTS ! ”
“ Currants l yer calls ’em—Currants, do yer ? Why, them ’s Furs,
Stoopid ! ”
SAINT PHEASANT.
(See Punch, Sept. 5th.)
Punch—alas, how sad a stigma!—
Found AEgidius an enigma:
Now he marvels what religious
Gentleman was S. Remigius.
Did he after pheasants trudge ?
Would three bottles leave him sober ?
Was he an unerring judge
Of good old October ?
Pheasants, ’tis the poets’ creed,
By the Phasis wont to breed,
Came from Colchis, in the cargo*
Of that primal ship the Argo :
Now in yellowing English woods
Flies the bird of radiant feather—
We ’re diminishing their broods
In the October weather.
Did Remigius sail with Jason
First across the sea’s calm basin—
One the Golden Fleece to claim,
T’other looking out for game ?
If his eye was first to dwell
On a grand cock-pheasant rising,
Few the Saints that half so well
Pay for canonising.
Certain ’tis that many sages
Lived in even the darkest ages,
Men who knew ’tis very pleasant
Both to shoot and carve a pheasant.
Of Remigius let us think
While through woods of beech we clamber,
And his noble memory drink
When the skies grow amber.
* Argiva primum sum transportata carina,
Ante mihi notum nil, nisi Phasis erat.
Martial.
YER
A Communist Culprit.
At a local meeting of the “International ” in a public-
house, a member of that Society proposed, as a toast,
“ Queen Anne.” The abandoned wretch explained that
he meant Anarchy, and the pewter-pots levelled at his
head were not thrown.
See the two marks left by him on his time :
The writer’s, thinker’s—a clear-lighted track
By which the student, following it, may climb
The Pisgah-heights of time, and, looking back,
May see the realms and ruins of the Past
Stretched in the Vast of Ages, at his feet,
In the broad light from far-drawn knowledge cast,
And, in his hand, the clues to bound and mete.
But woe’s me for the mark the statesman leaves !
No realm reclaimed—no record reared—a space
Wherefrom the Future will not garner sheaves,
Black with the blight of death upon its face.
Why seek him there, where he but passed and fell,
Essaying work for which he was not born ?
Look to that other field he tilled so well,
To win the wreath so long and nobly worn.
THE WIVES OF WORKING MEN.
Examinations are now the order of the day, and everybody seems
desirous of publicly testing his knowledge of everything. Soldiers,
sailors, lawyers, and clerks have to undergo the same ordeal, and
the “ movement ” seems for ever to be on the increase. It is im-
possible to say when a limit will be reached. Should, however, the
Education of Married Women be submitted to the examination test,
the following “papers” may be confidently expected from the
examiners.
Examination Paper for Colliers’ Wives.
What is the best brand of Champagne ?
Give the present Paris Fashions, and say whether velvet or satin
should be used in Dresses intended for every-day wear.
What are the names, dates, and distances of the principal annual
Horse Races ?
Is there any cure for intoxication ? If you answer in the affirma-
tive, give the prescription.
What is the best defence in fights where hoh-nailed boots are
freely used ?
Examination for Curates’ Wives.
Give the present prices of Meat and Coals ?
What is the best substitute for meat at dinner ?
How long will a hundred-weight of Coals last in winter time ?
Give your answer in months.
How many yards of Calico does it take to clothe yourself and
children ?
Given £80 a year, prove that a gentleman, his wife, and six
children can live upon the money in a state of respectability. _
Give the full meaning of the following words—(1) “ Misery,”
(2) “Despair,” and (3) “ Starvation.”
Railway Insurance.
A thousand pounds for sixpence ! Insure your precious life
Ere travelling by Railway, if you have child or wife.
Six pounds a week disabled so long as you remain !
Insure your limbs for sixpence before you trust the train.
But though for life or limb lost a premium you secure,
Ah, what insurance is there their safety to insure ?
The verdict of a Jury may go a little way,
When it condemns a Company for accidents to pay.
Barbarity to a Horse.
Mr. Punch needs make no Apology for not publishing any of the
numerous puns which have been sent him relative to the Horse of
that name. By this time, no doubt, they have all been in every-
body’s mouth and everybody else’s ears, and had they appeared m
these columns it would have been generally remarked that Punch had
i been guilty of cruelty to animals, in having ridden Apology to death*
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 143
THE EYE OF FAITH.
“0 MY ! WHAT A LOT OF CURRANTS ! ”
“ Currants l yer calls ’em—Currants, do yer ? Why, them ’s Furs,
Stoopid ! ”
SAINT PHEASANT.
(See Punch, Sept. 5th.)
Punch—alas, how sad a stigma!—
Found AEgidius an enigma:
Now he marvels what religious
Gentleman was S. Remigius.
Did he after pheasants trudge ?
Would three bottles leave him sober ?
Was he an unerring judge
Of good old October ?
Pheasants, ’tis the poets’ creed,
By the Phasis wont to breed,
Came from Colchis, in the cargo*
Of that primal ship the Argo :
Now in yellowing English woods
Flies the bird of radiant feather—
We ’re diminishing their broods
In the October weather.
Did Remigius sail with Jason
First across the sea’s calm basin—
One the Golden Fleece to claim,
T’other looking out for game ?
If his eye was first to dwell
On a grand cock-pheasant rising,
Few the Saints that half so well
Pay for canonising.
Certain ’tis that many sages
Lived in even the darkest ages,
Men who knew ’tis very pleasant
Both to shoot and carve a pheasant.
Of Remigius let us think
While through woods of beech we clamber,
And his noble memory drink
When the skies grow amber.
* Argiva primum sum transportata carina,
Ante mihi notum nil, nisi Phasis erat.
Martial.
YER
A Communist Culprit.
At a local meeting of the “International ” in a public-
house, a member of that Society proposed, as a toast,
“ Queen Anne.” The abandoned wretch explained that
he meant Anarchy, and the pewter-pots levelled at his
head were not thrown.
See the two marks left by him on his time :
The writer’s, thinker’s—a clear-lighted track
By which the student, following it, may climb
The Pisgah-heights of time, and, looking back,
May see the realms and ruins of the Past
Stretched in the Vast of Ages, at his feet,
In the broad light from far-drawn knowledge cast,
And, in his hand, the clues to bound and mete.
But woe’s me for the mark the statesman leaves !
No realm reclaimed—no record reared—a space
Wherefrom the Future will not garner sheaves,
Black with the blight of death upon its face.
Why seek him there, where he but passed and fell,
Essaying work for which he was not born ?
Look to that other field he tilled so well,
To win the wreath so long and nobly worn.
THE WIVES OF WORKING MEN.
Examinations are now the order of the day, and everybody seems
desirous of publicly testing his knowledge of everything. Soldiers,
sailors, lawyers, and clerks have to undergo the same ordeal, and
the “ movement ” seems for ever to be on the increase. It is im-
possible to say when a limit will be reached. Should, however, the
Education of Married Women be submitted to the examination test,
the following “papers” may be confidently expected from the
examiners.
Examination Paper for Colliers’ Wives.
What is the best brand of Champagne ?
Give the present Paris Fashions, and say whether velvet or satin
should be used in Dresses intended for every-day wear.
What are the names, dates, and distances of the principal annual
Horse Races ?
Is there any cure for intoxication ? If you answer in the affirma-
tive, give the prescription.
What is the best defence in fights where hoh-nailed boots are
freely used ?
Examination for Curates’ Wives.
Give the present prices of Meat and Coals ?
What is the best substitute for meat at dinner ?
How long will a hundred-weight of Coals last in winter time ?
Give your answer in months.
How many yards of Calico does it take to clothe yourself and
children ?
Given £80 a year, prove that a gentleman, his wife, and six
children can live upon the money in a state of respectability. _
Give the full meaning of the following words—(1) “ Misery,”
(2) “Despair,” and (3) “ Starvation.”
Railway Insurance.
A thousand pounds for sixpence ! Insure your precious life
Ere travelling by Railway, if you have child or wife.
Six pounds a week disabled so long as you remain !
Insure your limbs for sixpence before you trust the train.
But though for life or limb lost a premium you secure,
Ah, what insurance is there their safety to insure ?
The verdict of a Jury may go a little way,
When it condemns a Company for accidents to pay.
Barbarity to a Horse.
Mr. Punch needs make no Apology for not publishing any of the
numerous puns which have been sent him relative to the Horse of
that name. By this time, no doubt, they have all been in every-
body’s mouth and everybody else’s ears, and had they appeared m
these columns it would have been generally remarked that Punch had
i been guilty of cruelty to animals, in having ridden Apology to death*