Punch (67.1874)

208

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 14, 1874.

ODD AND EVEN.

Mr. Muff {to his Keeper). “I can’t understand it! The first Season you were with me there were no Foies; the

SECOND THERE WERE NO PHEASANTS ; AND THIS YEAR WE ’VE HAD NEITHER ONE OR THE OTHER.”

Keeper. “ Well, Sir, I never Shot no Foxes, and you never Hit no Pheasants ; so we ain’t neither on us answer-
able, as I can See.”

and coarser beef, wben made-dish.es can be obtained at every re-
spectable pastry-cook’s in town or country ? Why ask them to
salute their officers, when they have never been introduced to those
gentlemen except officially or on parade P

I might add to the above list a thousand other questions, were I
not a little pressed for time this morning. As a Member of the
Committee of Benevolent Lambs, it is my duty to see that the
Vagrant Act is put in force. A number of widows have been sum-
moned by the Association to meet the Metropolitan Police-Magis-
trates. The Association has determined upon putting down poverty
with the strong arm of the law.

Believe me, dear Sir, Yours very sincerely,

A True Philanthropist.

To the Editor.

Sir, The Town-Hall, Mudborough.

Not get recruits ! Nonsense, Sir, nonsense ! The authori-
ties don’t know how to deal with the men. The Army should be
handed over to the Vestries. Why, the matter is the simplest in
the world, as I will quickly show you. When I tell you that I have
been in the Wholesale Potato line for the last twenty years, you will
be forced to admit that I can speak with authority upon the subject
of our National Defences.

What do we want ? Why, Efficiency combined with Economy.
1 ou understand, Sir, Efficiency combined with Economy. All you
have to do is to amalgamate the Militia with the Volunteers, and
turn both Forces into the Regular Army. The rate of wages for
the whole should be the same as that now paid to the Volunteers.
Do you see, Sir. The plan is simple—very simple. When this
reform has been made, let the men do a fair day’s work. I am sure
that five-sixths of our soldiers idle away their time in the pursuit
of the most frivolous amusements. Give them something to do, Sir
—the nobler and more elevating the duty the better. For instance,
why not post sentries at the doors of every Town Hall in the King-

dom ? Then teach them to pay proper respect to the Municipal
Authorities—to salute every Vestryman as if he were a Field Officer.

I may add that I have spoken to all my colleagues in Mudborough,
and they agree with every word I have written.

I am, Sir, Yours,

A British Vestryman.

To the Editor.

Sir, Tudor's Folly.

Of course the Army is not popular, and never will be until
the men are taught to take a proper pride in their profession. Fur-
nish the barrack-rooms after the fashion of the Middle Ages, and
restore the old English long-how—that most efficient of all weapons.
We want more Art-culture and less drill.

Yours obediently,

Ruskin Ini to Jones.

To the Editor.

Sir, The Albany.

I am sure that the lower classes would flock into the Army
if they only knew how cheap it was. My brother is in the Service,
and he tells me that a fellow can get a shirt for about three shillings
from the Quarter-Master. Now, I never knew a fellow who gave
less than ten guineas a dozen for his shirts. Surely that sounds
well. Eh ? Yours faithfully,

A Practical Economist.

To the Editor.

Sir, The Foundry.

We want men, not theories. Abolish all the laws preserv-
ing liberty to the subject, and make everybody (with the exception
of the rifle manufacturers) into soldiers.

I am, Sir, Your obedient Servant,

A Rifle Manufacturer.