Punch (67.1874)

November 14, 1874.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

209

To the Editor.

Sib,

Please yer honour, I sees by the
newspapers the sodjers ought to he marked,
or else they deserts, and. the Lord High
General is stuck hard and fast for a move.
Why don’t he pick up a wrinkle from the
young gem’men aboard a man-o’-war, and
cut the broad arrow on the tips of their noses ?

In case they serves all alike, they ought
to tatto ns blue-jackets’ noses blue, and
the red-coats’ red, ’cos I don’t want to he
mistook for a sodjer.

Your ’umble servant, to command,

Old Salt.

To the Editor.

Sib, The Weeping Willows.

It is a most satisfactory sign of the
times that men refuse to become soldiers.
Is it not a proof of the near approach of
the coming Millennium ? But can we not
make even the desire to enlist punishable ?
The crime might be classed with highway
robbery.

Yours, with much respect,

A Member of the Peace Society.

To the Editor.

Sib, London (near Dublin).

The whole system of recruiting is
utterly bad. We begin at the wrong end.
Let me sum up the matter for you. See
here, now, we don’t want raw, inexperi-
enced recruits, but seasoned warriors. They
are easily secured. In future, let all men
taken into the ranks (without exception)
be old men who have served in the Army
for twenty years. By a rigid observance of
this rule, we may expect to have, a cen-
tury hence, a really efficient Army. I am
convinced that I am right.

Yours, with a thorough knowledge
of the subject,

A Gentleman' from Ireland.

A NUT FOR GRAMMARIANS.

We extract the following from a re-
cent advertisement column of The Irish
Times:—

THE LADY who sat behind a blind man
who spoke to her concerning her soul, at
the four o’clock service in the Exhibition Palace,
on Sunday last, will please leave the green figured
silk umbrella she took in mistake from the lady
she kindly lent her hymn-book to, at Mr.
"William Prescott’s dyeing establishment, 8,
Lower Abbey Street, where she will get her own.

There is some difficulty in exactly ex-
plaining, from this little narrative, how the
facts stand as between the blind man, the
lady’s soul, the green figured silk umbrella,
the loan of the hymn-book and Mr. William
Prescott’s dyeing establishment. The
whole involves a confusion not only of
meum and tuum, but of a large number of
other pronouns, to say nothing of adjective
and substantive, relative and antecedent,
which may, in fact, make of the extract a
useful exercise in grammar for the more
advanced olasses at our schools and colleges.
As such we print it.

DOWN IN THE EAST.

The Metropolitan Board of Works has
authority to alter the names of the streets
within its jurisdiction. It is suggested
that, as the chief distinction of Worship
Street is its Police Court, “ Your Worship
Street” would be a more appropriate desig-
nation.

COOKIANA.

Engaging, and nearly engaged Cook. “ And now, Ma’am, may I ask how many Servants
YOU KEEP BESIDES MYSELF, IF I COME ? ” Lady. “ ONLY TWO ! ”

Cook. “ Ah ! then I’m afraid I must Decline! The fact is, i can’t get on without
my Rubber of an Evening ! ”

Dog v. Kerr.

At the Central Criminal Court, the other day, Mr. Commissioner Kerr made some
strong observations on ‘ ‘ the disreputable practice of counsel who were instructed in cases
handing their briefs over to others who knew nothing of the facts, after pocketing enormous
fees from their clients. He believed, if he had his own way in that Court for three or four
months, he should be able to put things in something like order.” If this belief of His
Honour be well founded, we can only regret that, as every dog has his day, the same does not
hold of every Kerr. __

Awkward.

Lyceum theatre.— fish out of water * * * mr. irving in the part

OF HAMLET.

This announcement meets the eye upon every hoarding in London. Mr. Bateman would
do well to change the name ot the farce which precedes Mr. Irving’s great dramatic effort.