Punch (70.1876)

iv PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 1, 1876.

" What can a Christian dog know of truth, agreeable or disagreeable ? " growled the Sheikh-ul-Islam. " There is no
truth outside of the Koran."

" There it is ! " I said, in English, to Midhat. "How do you propose to give equal rights to the Sultan's subjects,
Christian and Mahometan, under your new Constitution, while you have this orthodox old Gentleman in the green turban to
settle accounts with? " Midhat groaned. " We bad better come to a clear understanding at once," I continued. " England
is quite disposed to stand between the Sultan and foul play. We don't mean to allow Eussia to take possession of your iron-
clads, or to occupy Turkish waters. That's why Britannia is just now counting her chickens, and their shells, in Besika Bay."

" And the Russkis know it," chuckled Midhat. " That's why Ignatiefe is so civil all of a sudden."

" But we are just as unwilling to stand between Moslem misgovernment and its retribution. We won't help
Russki or Prusski, Austrian or Magyar, Teuton or Slav, to bleed you to death under pretence of breathing a vein, or to
hamstring you on the pretext of giving you a lift out of the ditch; but we don't mean to aid you in putting down
insurrection which is the natural fruit of oppression. If you can't turn your Slaves into subjects, the less you look to us to
help you keep them Slaves the better. If you can trust Osmanli and Christian alike with arms for military service ;
if you can restrain both alike from carrying arms in time of peace; if your Cadis can be made to enforce the same law
fairly against both Christian and Moslem; if you can find officials fairly to levy fair taxes on all creeds alike ; and Valis
to treat Rayahs with respect, and their women with decency ; whether the miracle be wrought by dint of your New Constitu-
tion, or by a new reading of my friend the Sheikh-ul-Islam's old Koran, then Punch will undertake that John Bull will
stand your friend, and that it shall be Bono Johnny again, as in the old Crimean days. But, if not—if the old abominations
are to be perpetuated, with no change but a Mourad for an Abdul Aziz—don't trust to England to stand your friend.
All I can promise in that case is that, if it comes to a fight between you and those you are not strong enough to govern
well, but who have grown too strong to be any longer ill-governed as of old, England will see you have a clear field,
and no favour. More than that she won't and can't do—■—"

As I spoke, Midhat's face had been growing longer and longer. As for the Sheikh-ul-Islam, I fancy, though
he still kept mechanically fingering his beads, that he must have fallen asleep ; at all events, he gave no feign of
understanding. Just then I heard a rustling behind the curtains which veiled a doorway. I recognised the thrilling
frou-frou of feminine garments.

"Ah, ha!" I exclaimed, with a wink at the Minister.

"My hare em ! " blushed Midhat. "She will do it. The other day I imported a cargo of Western notions for
Office use. A report of the Woman's Rights Association must have been slipped in among them. Ever since she has
led me such a life! The Eastern Question was bad enough, without this worst of Western Questions turning up in
my anderoon."

As he spoke, a mysteriously muffled figure, in feridji and yashmak, stepped majestically from behind the portiere.
Her right hand was raised as iu menace; with her left, she laid a rose-tipped finger where the gleam of red lips and white
teeth shone temptingly through the semi-transparent muslin.

The Eastern Question, provocative, veiled, mysterious, seemed suddenly to have taken bodily form, and to stand
revealed before me.

" Hem !—as I said—the Eastern Question,"-—faltered Midhat, with an uneasy glance at the muffled apparition, and in
a voice in which marital authority seemed ineffectually struggling to keep up appearances. " May I request you will--"

" Pop it ? " 1 exclaimed, gallantly raising to my lips the warm, white fingers of the shrouded odalisque. " By all means
—if you, my poppet, will only be good enough to answer :—but on one condition—that, before I pop that question, you read,
mark, and digest this—to help you to answer it." So saying, and dexterously contriving to catch hold of the veiled Beauty's
hand under her feridji, I slipped into it—my SEVENTIETH VOLUME !