Punch (70.1876)

January 29, 1876.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 21

LEO LOQUITUR.

SCHOLASTIC INTELLIGENCE.

0, I say Punch, old fellow, here's a jolly bit of news :—

"Fairs, who is pronounced to be incomparably the best racquet-player of
the day, has been appointed master of that art at Eton."

So you see that racquet play now ranks among the Arts, and
Fairs may style himself M.A. like any other Eton master. I wonder
now if other public schools will follow in the fashion. Harrow ought
to start a Master of the noble Art of Cricket, and Rugby might set
up a Master of the Art of Football. Degrees might be conferred for
prowess in such Arts ; and the initials M.A.H. and M.A.F.G. might
distinguish men proficient in the Art of Hockey or in that of Fly-
the-Garter. Tohmt.

on keys and men! Darwin must sure have leisure
For work of.purest supererogation,
When he spends time bringing to rule and measure

The upward steps, or downward, in creation,
Between the human and the simian kind :
That one's in cages and one out I find.
To other difference 'twixt them I am blind.

What d' ye say ? " Tails ? " True, Simise of some countries

Display those useful caudal prolongations,
While Mian-kind, 'mongst their other gross effront'ries,

Say their spines have no such continuations.
But who knows if their petticoats and trousers
Hide not from observation tails—and rousers '
Like those of feline man-eaters or mousers.

What are you gaping at, you two-legged babies ?

The flitting of your prisoners carnivorous ?
Doomed henceforth to digest our restless rabies

In the new Lion-House—whence luck deliver us !
Wheel up your barred trap ; have choice tit-bits flung:
Keep us unfed, till, with mad hunger stung,
We rush—then to our new cells—old and young!

Had ever felines such accommodation 1

A roof, warm-water-pipes, two feet more range

Lengthwise, and four, at least, by mensuration,
From back to front! sure, a delightful change ?

Are we less prisoners, that we can pace

Twelve weary paces more, and own the grace

Of some more cubic feet of breathing space ?

Tell me of clamorous indignation-meetings
O'er Fugitive-Slave-Circulars! Come here,

And count our weary hearts' indignant beatings,
We close-caged playthings of your Sunday cheer I

Tour anti-slavery sympathies extend

From biped up to quadruped, my friend ;

Of cages grant more than a change—an end !

vol. lxx.

D